UnNews:Last shred of Bob Woodward's integrity disappears in sinkhole

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1 March 2013

Tricky Dick was overjoyed when he learned of the untimely demise of journalistic integrity.
A tombstone in honor of the lost integrity now acts as a cap over the sinkhole.

WASHINGTON D.C. -- As the austerity storm that has engulfed Europe hits American shores, yet another freak natural disaster has occurred: The last shred of Bob Woodward's journalistic integrity has been sucked into a sinkhole and is believed to be dead.

According to Capitol Hill officials, this is the second time an event of this magnitude has occurred. After being defeated by George W. Bush in the 2000 GOP presidential primaries, Senator John McCain's integrity was quickly sucked into a sinkhole, causing John McCain to lash out against everyone who has inhabited the White House since.

Bob Woodward's integrity seems to have suffered the same fate, leaving the once respected newsman a hollow shell of a man that distorts facts while attempting to defame anyone who gets more attention than he does. The Federal Emergency Management Agency has advised against any news agency from inviting Bob Woodward onto any program, for with him may follow the sinkhole which is believed to be biding its time until it can claim the integrity of another once respectable public servant.

Some reports indicate the White House economic adviser Gene Sperling attempted to warn Woodward about the integrity sinkhole in an email sent last weekend:


Unfortunately, Bob Woodward did not heed the warning, went to Politico, and claimed the White House "threatened" him. That is when officials believe the sinkhole found Bob Woodward's integrity and sucked it down into oblivion.

Bob Woodward's integrity is survived by Carl Bernstein, who starred alongside Bob Woodward's journalist integrity in the Oscar award-winning film All the President's Men.

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