UnNews:Last Mets game held at Shea Stadium, nobody gives a shit
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
28 September 2008
NEW YORK CITY, New York (UNN) -- The New York Mets played their final game at Shea Stadium against the Florida Marlins and, as usual, got their asses kicked. The final score was 4-2, and the Mets again missed the postseason by fucking it up.
Following the game, riots ensued throughout the nation, and Mets pitcher Pedro Martinez is reportedly considering retirement.
"Whoda fuck are the Mets!?" an overweight, balding New York shopkeeper said. "I've lived here for thirty years and never heard of ANYTHING goin' on in Queens. Now shut up, the Jets are playing right now on TV."
The Mets and their crosstown attention-stealing Yankees (fucking pricks) both closed out their 2008 seasons by bidding farewell to their respective home stadiums. Yankee Stadium was foreclosed by the government after owner George Steinbrenner blew all his money, and Shea Stadium will be demolished in order to construct a Cinnabon.
Across the nation, a new poll reveals that 64% of Americans were sad that Yankee Stadium was closed, while nobody seemed to fill out the survey concerning the Mets.
On ESPN, SportsCenter devoted eight hours to 'fond memories and shenanigans' at Yankee Stadium, while mentions of Shea Stadium were interrupted by commercial breaks.
In other news, the Mets are considering moving the franchise to play in a local beer softball league tournament.