UnNews:Kardashian, Aniston endorse bestiality

November 12, 2024

NEW YORK, NY — Prominent She's Funny That Way star Jennifer Aniston and prominent sex tape star Kim Kardashian have publicly announced that they enjoy "salmon sperm facials". In their unambiguous endorsement of bestiality, Aniston and Kardashian attempted to claim that the salmon money shot is a dermatological procedure that promises to boost skin regeneration and stimulate new collagen production.

Kardashian is a world-renowned makeup and beauty mogul who famously said she would "eat shit every single day" if it helped her look younger.^[1] Kardashian has nearly 400 million social media followers and a net worth of $1.7 billion.

Aniston has been offering free advice to the public more frequently over the past few years. In a recent interview discussing how she is "so over cancel culture", Aniston said, "Oh, God, OK, suck it up" in reference to her Academy Award-winning colleague Harvey Weinstein.^[2]

A salmon sperm facial is administered in exactly the way one would imagine and can cost anywhere from $500 to $1,000, depending on how many well-endowed salmon, commonly known as "lox jocks", are delivering their loads.