UnNews:Illegal aliens to be deported back to Andromeda galaxy
Friday, August 23, 2019
RACHEL, Nevada - According to a classified Tweet uncovered by UnNews investigative reporters, a well-known detention center in the Nevada desert will deport all illegal aliens detained there back to the Andromeda galaxy by the end of August. The detention center, known to no one as "Oreo 51", has been holding undocumented aliens for several decades. The conditions at the center are completely unknown due to there being nothing to see at all, now please move along, although some speculate the aliens are being treated inhumanely.
"They're not human, so why should we treat them humanely?" asked Twitter user @MAGAdad2020, a prominent Republican. "These aliens don't speak English, they have no papers, and they tried to mind link with me. They want to colonize us and use our women as hosts for their anchor babies."
The aliens have long been victims of such xenophobia, particularly the Xenomorphs, and have been accused of anally probing thousands of American citizens despite FBI crime data consistently showing that the majority of illegal anal probings are being done by the FBI for fun.
Democrats argue that the aliens are being denied due process, some have been forcibly separated from their hive queens, and others have been literally separated in live vivisections to understand their strange anatomy. "I heard they have invisible acid-blood," said Democratic Congressman Ryan Tim, who is currently running for Former Candidate for President of the United States.
Tim also disputed the characterizations of the aliens. "They escaped a dangerous, crime infested galaxy run by spice cartels. They have a lot to contribute, including telekinetic powers and space alloys. We shouldn't be locking them in cryogenic vats or sending them back, we should be letting them pursue the American dream, and pick our fruit and clean hotel toilets instead. Then maybe we could kick out all the damn Mexicans."