UnNews:Harris gets her period, can't VP-elect

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Sunday, November 8, 2020

Vice President Elect Kamala Harris - word is she's bleeding. Stay away.

WILMINGTON, Delaware - Along with former Vice President Joe Biden, California Senator Kamala Harris declared victory tonight in what is being called the most monumental presidential election in American History, taking her place as the first female Vice President Elect we have ever tolerated. But reports have come in that she is currently on her monthly cycle, and she is way too emotionally unstable to assume any duties thereof whatsoever.

The man who currently occupies the office she has recently gained reportedly asked the also-female he calls "Mother" that he shares a traditional marriage with how to even understand this condition, and she has patted him on his fly-infested head and encouraged him not to even think about these complicated matters.

Meanwhile, our pervasive patriarchal consensus has expressed confidence that Harris' bleedy femaleness will effectively undermine her ability to influence presidential policy leftward as she intends, regardless of how nice her hair smells, so they have no fear for their bank accounts for the next several years.

Asked about this matter, Republican Senate Majority Leader Purple-hands McConnell said "I mean, she's a girl, what possible influence could she have? Wait - you said she's on her period? See? That's what I'm talking about. And my hands are fine."

Meanwhile, a male world leader somewhere got offended by a soccer result and started wars on several fronts.