UnNews:Gran Turismo 5 to include carbon-offset option
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
29 November 2007
TOKYO, Japan, GNN (Goanna News Network) -- PLAYSTATION 3's much-anticipated car-racing cash cow Gran Turismo 5 will include a carbon-offset option for environmentally conscious gamers, it was revealed at a press conference in an udon noodle shack in Tokyo's historic Comic Book District yesterday.
Itchi Nohavkrabsagin, a 28-year-old Kamchatkan-Japanese cleaner employed part-time by Polyphony Digital, the company behind the phenomenally successful Gran Turismo franchise, revealed that gamers around the world would be able to set aside part of their winnings from imaginary car races to pay for tree-planting projects that would compensate for the carbon dioxide produced by their pretend cars.
"Imagine! If you do endurance race! With ChryslerViper! You put lot of, lot of carbon dioxide! Into atmosphere!" exclaimed Nohavkrabsagin between mouthfuls of sperm-whale noodle soup. "No good for amenity!"
"Now! If you spend money! On tree! That OK! That number-one OK!"
It is believed that the GT5 tree-planting project will begin on the vast Deep Forest and Trial Mountain properties owned by Polyphony Digital since 1998.
"It very important!" said Nohavkrabsagin. "You look at Deep Forest in original Gran Turismo! Many, many tree! In GT3 and GT4 not many tree!"
"In Trial Mountain in GT3 you see monkey in tree on hairpin bend! In GT4 no monkey!"
However, Greenpeace spokeslesbian Angelina Feral accused Polyphony Digital of "simply wanting to have its sushi and eat it too".
"Who chopped down all the trees in Deep Forest to begin with? It was Polyphony Digital and (parent company) Osaka Best-Quality Paper-Milling Concern," Ms Feral said.
"It's a tragedy for the Japanese ecosystem -- and the whole of east Asia -- that so many pristine, old-growth grandmother cherry blossom trees had to be pulped to make Playstation's useless instruction booklets.
"I mean, come on! A whole page of warnings about how playing video games makes your eyes go screwy? That's why all Asians already wear glasses."
Microsoft, the makers of the rival Forza Motorsport video game franchise, could not be contacted for comment. Colin McRae, the maker of the Colin McRae Rally series of video games, is dead.