UnNews:God Dealt To Yankees At Trade Deadline
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
1 August 2006
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NEW YORK, New York -- On a busy day in professional baseball, the New York Yankees once again came away with a blockbuster trade. God was traded to the Yankees in a six player deal that involved three teams. Although New York is well known for acquiring impact players, the consensus in the sports community was that this was likely the biggest trade to date.
Only minutes before the trade deadline passed, Yankees owner George Steinbrenner announced that they had acquired God from the Boston Red Sox minor league team, in exchange for cash, future draft picks, and less importantly, Alex Rodriguez. "We got a steal in this one," an elated Steinbrenner told reporters. "We at the Yankees organization cannot wait to see the impact a player of this caliber can have on our team."
So far this year in the minor leagues, God is batting .998, with 834 home runs, and 24,867 RBIs. He is known for being an incredibly versatile player, and usually plays all nine positions every game. Despite his great numbers, critics speculate that God will experience a significant drop off in his statistics when facing major league pitchers. "He's a great player so far, don't get me wrong," one scout told UnNews. "However, I don't think He's polished yet. He needs a lot of time to develop."
The deal caught many in the sports world by complete surprise, despite the fact that God had been on the trading block for weeks. The Yankees felt the trade was necessary to make their playoff push, and had no reason to keep Rodriguez. "He's OK, but he's not God or anything," said Yankees manager Joe Torre.
God signed a contract for eternity, worth $86 million. He will bat 5th for the Yankees tomorrow when they take on the Red Sox. God will be especially motivated, facing the team that let him go. Alex Rodriguez is also determined to prove his worth to his former team. "I'm going to smoke that guy," Rodriguez stated.
Many experts have picked New York as the World Series favorite due to their acquisition. "I'm flattered, really," God said. "But I'm just ready to come in here, do My job, and smite anyone who tries to stop Me."
