UnNews:Gerard Way involved in sex scandal
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
25 January 2007
TURDE-MISSED-THE-LOO, England -- "I PLEAD GUILTY!" Said an overly-eager Gerard way last night at the hearing. The young, attractive, singer from the band, My Chemical Romance, was charged last week with rape of Hillary Clinton.
In court, police showed a pixilated video allegedly filmed by a camera phone owned by one of Way's friends, George Foreman in a trailer home. In the video, an apprehensive court room watched with horror as they saw Clinton enter the trailer and ask for an autograph before being grabbed and thrown onto a cot by Gerard Way. He proceeded to rip open her blouse...
But that was all that was shown before the officer cut off the video. Clinton made a lengthy statement, talking about how she felt violated. "It was as if my soul was ripped out of my body and thrown into a blender." Said Clinton.
In response, though, Way, with no lawyers, simply told the court that it was true, and assuring the court that he was not under the influence of any drugs. He was sentenced to be hanged, but Judge Judy decided she'd be nice and let him go instead.
The court session lasted a total of 5 minutes, including a 3 minute recess where Way collected his thoughts.
Clinton was surprised by Way's eargerness to testify and told him she'd cancel the charges if he'd vote for her in the upcoming 2008 presidential election. He said that he "sure would".
Clinton and Way were even said to have been seen kissing with tongues outside the courthouse beneath an oak tree after the case. Neither would make any comment when spoken to.
But it doesn't end there -- The police officer that took Way's fingerprints reported that Way--in actuality--had no fingerprints, and this struck the officer as strange. Though Way was sent home free of charges, an investigation as to where his fingerprints might have gone is currently under-way (no pun intended).
What the crap?
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Buckminster Fuller-Shite "Taoist Way weighs the Way of the Tao" Cosmopolitan, 55 seconds ago
Dun..duna duna dun! Duna duna dun dun dun dun dun dun da dun dun da dun!!