UnNews:Fucking typhoon has two names

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

This article is part of the UnNews Weather Service, your source for up-to-the-minute (brain) fog.

Monday, May 27, 2024

Typhoon Ewiniar, the first typhoon this year, is currently assaulting the Philippines with heavy winds and rain. However, for some reason, when the storm was brewing in the Pacific a few days ago, some randos in some department called PAGASA have decided to name it Aghon. With a name like that, it's perfectly understandable why the Philippines get so many typhoons.

As any sane American will tell you, both of these names sound like absolute dogshit. These names are the visual versions of the times your mom scolded you when you entered her room without her permission. Anyways, why are there two names. Wasn't one shitty name enough? It's basically a cycle of shit which will never end.

Regardless of what the minds of the people who had the idea of naming these storms were, we at UnNews are intending to make our own Americanized naming scheme to represent how superior we are to PAGASA and the WMO. Under this new naming scheme, we will name this typhoon Aberforth, after the gay wizard's younger brother.

Sources

• "Tracking the tropics: Northern Hemisphere finally sees its first tropical depression" Fox Weather, 25 May, 2024