UnNews:French caliph reveals shocking truth about wife

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25 May 2013

The caliph with his one true wife.

French caliph M'Ballz Es-Hari revealed a shocking truth about his wife. She is his only wife! M'Ballz Es-Hari was believed to have three wives and was even pictured with them all at a strip club in Mecca. However M'Ballz Es-Hari said that "the other two were sex dolls that I would occasionally fuck when [Grabbir] Boubi was on hoilday. I never had a meaningful relationship with them. Except for that one time on a cruise to Syria. That was good."

"I knew I was the only one," said 34-year-old Boubi. "I once caught [M'Ballz] Es-Hari having sex with one of the dolls, Usuqa, I think, and I was so angry I issued a fatwā and sliced the doll with my sword. As soon as it burst, M'Ballz told me the whole story, about if he didn't have more then one wife, he would be bullied by the other caliphs. It was very touching."

"Casual monogamy is looked down on, but I only stop being a caliph when I die" said 40-year-old Es-Hari. "Now that they know about all of this, they have issued a fatwā and my other sex doll, Uliqa, was already captured and is probably face down in a ditch being fucked by Silvio Berlusconi." The caliph took a moment to wipe the tears away. "I felt like I had to tell someone, I could't live the rest of my life living a lie. It just isn't right."

The caliph has had to run away from his homeland with his wife and two sons. They have each been sent to a different country for their own safety. Es-Hari has been taken in by a government we cannot name, for if we do, we will certainly go to prison, but sources tell us that they have a passion for corruption, a tendency to lie and are very good cheating. That should narrow it down.