UnNews:France to ban traditional tit-kiss

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Thursday, October 20, 2016

Exclusive footage of France's last bise de néné..

France is set to outlaw the traditional greeting of a man kissing a woman on the tit, after viewers complained of a particularly notable bise de néné on French television.

Everything began tastefully enough. Hilarious French comedian Jean-Michel Maire asked actress Soroya for a kiss on the cheek on popular French TV show TPMP, after "saving" Soraya, who was respectfully playing Kim Kardashian in a low-cut top with her huge breasts largely exposed.

When she refused the kiss on the cheek (the typical kiss men give women on French TV), Maire went for the boob, a practice common in French bars and restaurants, but not shown typically on TV - similar to the smoking of Gitanes and the insidious maintenance of institutional racism.

The resulting outrage led the government to ban the practice, despite French premier François Hollande noting that "We have been kissing tits in this country for fucking ages".

Hollande's former partner and fellow socialist Ségolène Royal was clearer on the reasoning behind the ban: "That was a particularly big kiss on a particularly big tit."

Tit map.png
This infomap published in Le Parisien shows just how ingrained kissing tits is in French culture. The north and north west of France are set to be particularly hard-hit, but Bretons may scarcely notice the change, averaging as they do just one tit-kiss per day.

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