UnNews:Fidel Castro is still alive
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
25 May 2007
Havana, Cuba – For people who love funerals, Fidel Castro’s continued existence has become a real bummer. The Cuban dictator remains in hospital with Hugo Chavez giving foot massages and Noam Chomsky fluffing his pillow. Reuters has become so tired with Castro’s refusal to die, that they have simply announced his death and ignored all the evidence that refutes it.
“Who?” asked a perplexed Reuters journalist today. “Castro? He died weeks ago mate. In fact, I don’t know who you’re talking about. Never heard the name. Nope, doesn’t ring a bell… Lalalalalalala! I’m not listenin’! LALALALALALALALLA…”
“We were going to prevent some cancer thingy,” said Castro’s doctor, Dr. Raoul Pedro Stereotypicallatinamericanname Rodriguez. “But we gave him breast implants instead. Who needs health when you’ve got breasts. That’s our motto. Well eh, its n-not our motto i-it’s really my motto… Well actually it was my mother’s… She used to dress me up as a little girl… and make me dance in front of everybody in my village ”
To clear up any confusion as to who is still alive today, UnNews has prepared a list:-
- Dick Cheney
- Mickey Rooney
- Ronald McDonald (we checked the phone book)
Jerry Falwell- Barbara Streisand
Jean-Paul Sartre- Thomas Pynchon
- Gore Vidal
- Burt Reynolds
- The Man who shot Liberty Valance
- The Man with the Golden Gun
- The Never-ending Story (expires in six months)
- Leg-Warmers
- My Friend Steve
- Around Six Billion people, give or take
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Das Bay-Bay-Cay "Merely Stunned" {{{pub}}}, {{{date}}}