UnNews:Einstein's theory on marriage
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
19 June 2012
New Jersey, USA -- Albert Einstein was a perplexing character, his mind was over-run with Glial cells which made him write mind-boggling equations at various points in the day. No simple activity was free of an equation being born. This must have annoyed Einstein - "T=B+J, aaah! I just vont to make toast with butter and jam! shut up genius brain!"
This is why new evidence has come to light to suggest his mind may well have been lacking in other areas. Albert, you see, just couldn't see toast as we do, he saw every molecule of every ingredient, he couldn't drink tea without seeing his reflection in the surface of the liquid, he often choked while drinking tea; he would try to drink it faster than the speed of light. He was, in a sense, trapped by his own genius. A meteor storm in a teacup.
How would he have viewed his personal life then? Did Mrs. Einstein enjoy a close union with the world's most clever man? Was their pillow-talk? Would Albert gossip about the universe? - "I think that electrons are trying to make neutrons look like bi-sexual sluts." - I think not.
Einstein let his wife suffer, she received no affection from him, so love-making was out of the equation. She must have been desperate for Einstein to race the speed of light in bed or at least put a photon in the right place. His lists of demands were as mind-boggling as his genius.
You will obey the following points in your relations with me:
You will not expect any intimacy from me, nor will you reproach me in any way. You will stop talking to me if I request it, you will leave my bedroom or study immediately without protest if I request it.
What does this tell us about him? Are there any clues here to his genius? No, She's just ugly and annoying obviously. I wanted to put his theory on marriage to the test! I wrote the same list down and handed it to my wife, I waited in my office for her reaction.
The doctor says I shall be able to leave the hospital on Wednesday.
Sorry Einy but you also needed a kick in the Heiny for that list. I am pretty sure some of the blows to my head were faster than the speed of light so thanks! So what does marriage equal then? It isn't equal! In any way, shape or form. Your wife will drive you insane and that's part of the enjoyment. Marriage is a game of finding the good things and sadly for Albert Einstein, he missed THAT equation completely.
A final thought: did he write lists for everyone? Taxi drivers for instance? - you will not expect me to sit in the front and get intimate with you, nor expect a tip from me. You will not use the mirror to look at me in any way; you will leave the car immediately if I request it - Nice guy!
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Deborah Arthurs "Was Einstein the world's worst husband?" Daily Mail, 23 April 2012