UnNews:Democrats' new intelligence chairman don't know nuthin 'bout nuthin
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
13 December 2006
Washington, D.C. - The incoming chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, Silvestre Reyes (D-Tx) could not tell UnNews whether al Qaeda was made up of Sunnis or Shiites.
According to Reyes, "Al Qaeda, they have both. You know, AC and DC." Deciding to go with the flow, we asked, "Ok, sure, but what voltage?" Reyes replied, "220, 221 - whatever it takes"
We moved to talking about Earth, asking, "Is it flat like a pancake or is it a sphere, not a perfect sphere, mind you, but somewhat flattened at the North and South Poles, and bulging at the middle". Hoping the hint will help him get his mind together. He replied, "It seems to me that, if given two choices, picking the one that takes the least amount of explanation is the most likely, so, therefore, the earth must be flat!"
Wondering if he was over-thinking the answers, we asked about less complicated subjects:
UnNews: "Ok, let me ask you about the Loch Ness Monster..."
Reyes: "A-HA!! I know this one. HA! Yes, and I've even seen pictures!"
UnNews: "Bigfoot?"
Reyes (practically yelling with joy): "I saw a MOVIE!! It walks and everything."
UnNews: "Is the earth hollow?"
Reyes, screwing his face into an obvious thinking pose, index fingers pointed at his forehead, answered tentatively, "Yes"?
UnNews: "Thank you Mr. Reyes, I bet the fine people in El Paso must be proud"
Reyes: "El What-O? Is that a new Mexican restaurant?"
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Jeff Stein "Democrats’ New Intelligence Chairman Needs a Crash Course on al Qaeda" Congressional Quarterly, December 08, 2006