UnNews:Deadly cloud of ass gas forces evacuation
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
6 October 2006
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APEX, N.C. - More than 17,000 people were urged to flee their homes on the outskirts of Raleigh early Friday after a thunderous series of explosions and a raging fire at the rural home of Bernard "Buddy" Molison released a greenish-yellow cloud of deadly ass gas.
No neighbors were believed to have been close enough to Molison's home to be injured when it was rocked by the blasts late Thursday. Officials said 44 people went to emergency rooms, most complaining of a lingering shit stench and breathing problems, but nearly all had been released by midday.
A timely morning rainstorm helped scrub the air as firefighters cautiously approached the lingering fire. But themayor warned that he would not give the all-clear until the stench was gone.
"We're not going to have people return to their homes only to be stunk out again," said Mayor Keith Weatherly.
Molison was known for his special chili recipe, which included broccoli, jalapeño peppers, prunes, and beer.
Because of the dangers in that mix, firefighters waited for daybreak to determine how to attack the stinky blaze, and used a video camera to get a look at the burning building. Schools were closed, along with downtown Apex.
The cause of the blaze was not immediately known, although Molison had been known to occasionally light his farts to amuse children.
"Because of the extensive damage, it's very difficult to determine the cause of the fire," EQ spokesman Robert Doyle said.
As of Friday evening, Molison was still listed as "missing."
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- UnNews Staff "Apex of stench reached by fart enthusiast" UnNews, October 6, 2006