UnNews:Czech Republic to vote on new name

Friday, April 15, 2016

The Czech flag was recently given a novel update.

The proposed named Notslovakia did not make the shortlist.

The Czech Republic is set to vote to change its name to make it more marketable for companies and sports teams to use it on products and clothing.

The five main contenders for the nation's new name are:

• Czechia - attractive not only because it sounds a lot like Chechnya but also because it sounds like the comparative form of the non-existent adjective "checky", meaning a thorough, perhaps officious person. Example sentence: "I thought I was a checky person, but David is even checkier than I am!"
• Czechland - ideal to attract English-speaking tourists who tend to feel repulsed whenever they hear -akia, -stan, or -enia at the end of a country name.
• Czechmate - mainly to steal the thunder of all pun-loving tabloid journalists.
• Pîlsner - just going for the jugular marketing-wise. Prague has rejected rumours that it had offered football stadium-style naming rights to various Czech beer companies.
• Chickity Czech yourself before you Wrickity Wreck yourself - a late suggestion by Ice Cube, who also warned that "niggaz in yo' ass is bad for yo' health" for some reason.

Not everyone is happy about the change. UnNews office cleaning lady Joanna Corey told us: "For fuck's sake! I'd just got used to not saying Czechoslovakia, and now they want to change it again?"

Sources

• Leverage, "Czech Republic poised to change name to 'Czechia'" BBC, April 15, 2016