UnNews:Confused Russians block access to Algerian crash site
Friday, July 25, 2014
Russia is risking yet another international incident - it seems to be making them into some kind of daisy chain - as it turns a blind eye to confused pro-Russian rebels blocking access to the Air Algerie plane crash site.
Yesterday, 116 passengers on a flight from Ougadougou to Algiers died when it crashed in Mali.
"We had nothing to do with this crash, there's no proof," said a menacing guard, who had just made the awkward 11-hour plane flight to Western Africa, which -mystifyingly - involved stopping twice in France. "It could just have easily been Ukrainian forces who shot this one down, but nonetheless we are not going to let you see or touch anything."
President Putin made no public comment, but UnNews was able to secure an interview with a source from the Kremlin in a Moscow brothel - in exchange for the latest issue of Playboy and some American brand cigarettes. Our source told us that the President was "utterly bemused" by the rebels latest antics.
"They are basically idiots," he told us. "We gave them decent anti-aircraft equipment, with a range of about 30,000m, but they seem to believe that one of the missiles they fired into the air travelled halfway around the world and downed a plane in Africa. It's ridic-ARGH! For God's sake Svetlana, it's like you discovered that men like it when you twist it, and now you do nothing but twist! Mix it up a little bit and don't do it so hard all the time!"
Malian President Ibrahim Boubacar Keïta, who was elected because the i with the diaresis in his surname looks like a dog's face, called a press conference saying, "We had two unfortunate plane incidents today. One plane crashed, and another plane brought white men here.
"We do not understand what these people are saying, but as a general rule, white people are not good for us."
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Leverage, "Air Algerie AH5017: 'No survivors' from crash in Mali" BBC, October 25 2023
