UnNews:Chaos theory to replace US copyright law
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
23 November 2011
WASHINGTON, District of Columbia -- On November 16, Congress sat its first hearing on the Permanently Replace Order That Exists Cause That It Poses Some Offul Problems Act, or PROTECT IP SOPA. The bill is a combination of reestablishing the hierarchy and making it three percent more difficult to illegally download music. There are three parts, all tied together with the principle of chaos theory: uncontrollable anarchy can arise from one small problem; likewise, correcting that mistake before it happens can lead to an eternity of bliss.
If passed, the bill will all but nullify the First Amendment by making it illegal to speak out against the government via the Internet. This will be enforced by Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc. and Friends, a new executive department located in Hollywood, District of California. WBEIF will have complete control over the Internet, in order to perform the following duties:
- to prevent small businesses from going into the media industry and ruining the fragile economy,
- to shut down sites that contain at least seven bits of copyrighted material, and
- to shut down sites which do not contain at least seven bits of copyrighted material but which might or might not pose a threat. WBEIF will not give the benefit of the doubt.
Copyright law would also be changed under PROTECT IP SOPA. Musicians, poets, graphic designers, and other artists who sell their content online would be completely protected from piracy. By law, they would have to sell their content to WBEIF, who would then use their powers to protect it.
When interviewed by our mob of reporters on how the people would react to such a bill, Speaker of the House John Boehner gave this statement:
- "We cannot hope to completely stop anarchists in their tracks, but we are doing all we can. I know that the American people will appreciate that."
In a stunning turn of events, Congress has not yet decided whether or not yet to pass PROTECT IP SOPA, and President Barrack Obama has already made a statement that scored him 27.3 political points while not obliging him to fulfill any more promises.
The Chinese ambassador gave the bill two thumbs up, saying, "Not even we could have been this vague in coming out."
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Hayley Tsukayama "SOPA opposition goes viral" Washington Post, November 23, 2011
- Mike Masnick "The Definitive Post on Why SOPA and Protect IP are Bad, Bad Ideas" techdirt, November 22, 2011