UnNews:Cameron denied 'shake it all about' option
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
23 January 2013
LONDON, United Kingdom -- British Prime Minister David Cameron has bowed to French and German pressure on the terms of a possible EU referendum in the UK, by stating it will be a clear "in-out" choice, with no possibility of the mooted "shake it all about" option which has been the cornerstone of Britain's European policy in the last 30 years.
On Monday German chancellor Angela Merkel [1] said of Britain's position, "There is no chance for hokey-cokey in the state of Europe. What we want are committed members, not ones with one foot in and one foot out."
"We'd also like states which actually manufacture stuff and have a tangible Plan A for a working economy, but let's not get ahead of ourselves."
UnNews immediately went to interview Nicolas Sarkozy before remembering he is no longer President of France.[2]
We then sent a WhatsApp message to François Hollande, the current President of France, who was elected in a landslide victory as both his first and second names sound like a sauce.[3] He replied, "If Britain does not want to be a full-blooded member, we will say something witty and mean to them, and then turn our backs on them." Then, as if the preceding sentence was simply a torturous set-up for a pun, he added, "We make a jokey-jokey and we turn around, that's what it's all about."
Cameron has made the teasing offer of such a referendum only if he is re-elected as Prime Minister. Should it come to pass, he is presumably banking on the British people having a profound understanding of the consequences of remaining in or leaving Europe, although given that one Londoner told us: "Europe? All I know is, the French are a right arrogant bunch. And the Germans are all Nazis. Good riddance to the lot of 'em I say!" there are concerns that Britain's biggest foreign policy decision of recent years will be decided by people whose concept of foreigners is based on 'Allo 'Allo.
Foot 0.3m notes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Germany is one of those countries where the chancellor is more important than the President.
- ↑ France is one of those countries where the President is more important than the Prime Minister.
- ↑ Sauce François is a classic French white wine sauce finished with butter and garnished with diced tomatoes and button mushrooms. Sauce Hollande is a mixture of egg yolk and butter, usually seasoned with lemon juice, salt, and a little white pepper or cayenne pepper.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Leverage, "Is David Cameron's in-out referendum on Europe a step too far?" Guardian, January 23, 2013