UnNews:Baseball's integrity dies

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4 June 2010

Even young children in Boston roared their opinion of the Umpire's call and Commissioner Selig's decision to pull the plug

DETROIT, Michigan -- Major League Baseball's integrity was murdered Wednesday night in Detroit. The worst umpiring call ever, by first-base umpire Jim Joyce, stabbed baseball's integrity to death.

Joyce blew an easy call at first base, on what would have been the game's final play, denying the Detroit Tigers' pitcher, Armando Galarraga, the 22nd perfect game in major league baseball history, and the third in less than a month. Baseball's integrity (born 1869), diagnosed with a terminal illness during the 1994 strike-shortened season, and which slipped into a coma shortly thereafter during the steroid era, was declared brain-dead following the call just after 10 p.m. Wednesday. Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig declined to reverse the call, and pulled the plug late Thursday afternoon.

Services are planned for Saturday at the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York, and baseball's integrity will then be transported and laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetery in Arlington, Virginia, befitting its former status as America's national pastime. Only a few former players and fans who actually knew and remember Baseball's Integrity are expected to attend. Integrity is survived by Owner and Player Greed, Pay-Per-View, and Ridiculously High Seat and Concession Prices.