UnNews:2013 UnNews Review: February
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
14 December 2013
The month of February is a bleak one throughout the northern hemisphere, leading to high suicide rates among lonely young men, which means that Uncyclopedia loses around 50% of its readership.
The month began with George Bush blaming his dog Barney for the invasion of Iraq. Barney himself was unavailable for comment, on account of being dead.
As one of the most important world leaders was rewriting his past, another, Pope Benedict, was rewriting his future by resigning, claiming he was too old to attract altar boys. His successor Pope Francis I has stunned the world with a succession of statements which sound vaguely Christian.
While the ageing pontiff was having trouble getting his leg over, one man who never had such trouble, Oscar Pistorius, (pictured) was arrested for killing his girfriend. Some men. You give them an inch and they take a foot.
In the UK, Prime Minister David Cameron made headlines when he volunteered to be masturbated for Africa by One Direction.
On the other side of the pond, Daniel Day Lewis won the Best Actor Oscar for the third time and made a typically conservative speech: