UnCon
Held every year on the anniversary of that time that Oscar Wilde made a witty remark at a party, the annual Uncyclopedia Convention, or UnCon, celebrates everything, both good and bad, about Uncyclopedia, its contributors, and the anonymous pricks that blank pages.
Where is UnCon?
To avoid the disapproving eyes of law enforcement, every celebrity parodied in Uncyclopedia, and the media, UnCon is held in a different city every year. Cities are not warned beforehand of the impending arrival of UnCon, and if the secret gets out they are told that the United Nations is coming to town and that they really have nothing to worry about, besides all the foreigners.
Using both this simple method and the awesome power of the Wiki, UnCon has become an unstoppable conventioning machine!©
What's at UnCon?
Oscar Wilde Memorial Hall
Held in the parking lot of a local Wal-Mart, the spectacular Hall of the Wilde holds all of what's great about Uncylopedia:
The Many Booths of Uncylopedia
Booth of N00bs™
Visitors to UnCon must first spend time in the Booth of N00bs™, where more experienced visitors can berate them for being new to the interweb and wiki etiquette with its various obscure and arbitrary rules.
After getting out of the Booth of N00bs™ visitors to UnCon, now called L33T, can go back and berate those stupid N00bs for their naivety and inexperience.
Only at UnCon! Also, only on the rest of the internet! But only trademarked at UnCon!
Welcome to UnCon Booth
Come to the Welcome Booth™ and get a complimentary map of UnCon for only five dollars. Get one dollar off for signing the release form without reading it! Get kicked out for refusing to sign the release form. Fun!
Also, at the Welcome Booth™ you can exchange your real money for UnBucks™, which are not legal tender at UnCon, definitely not legal tender outside UnCon, and cannot be exchanged back for real money either.
Only at UnCon!
Booth of Oscar Wilde
Yes, it's true - you too can see the real, actual and genuine Oscar Wilde™, only at UnCon! For only $5 (UnBucks™ not accepted) get the real, actual and genuine Oscar Wilde™ to spontaneously come up with a real, actual and genuine Oscar Wilde quote™ that is at least vaguely appropriate for your Uncyclopedia page!
“Be stunned by my witty, urbane and pithy remarks about any subject!”
Only at UnCon!
The Many Booths of Famous Uncyclopedia Characters™
On the aisle of The Many Booths of Famous Uncyclopedia Characters™ sit Many Famous Uncyclopedia Characters™, where visitors to UnCon can meet, talk with and, in some cases, be horribly mangled by any one of the many, many Famous Uncyclopedia Characters™ of Uncyclopedia.
Each booth is dedicated to a different page, and each will do whatever it is that each of the variations of The Many Famous Uncyclopedia Characters™ is supposed to do...for you!
“Hey, you're Captain Obvious! Can I get your autograph?”
“You want my autograph.”
“I do.”
“You do want my autograph.”
“Wow, that gets old fast.”
“Yes, it gets old fast.”
Only at UnCon!
Girls of Uncyclopedia Booth
Visit the Girls of Uncyclopedia Booth and be awed by the bare asphalt floor and the empty, empty chairs!
Only at UnCon! Well, UnCon and the SciFiComicTrekCon across the street too. Damn geeks.
Fun!
Apple™ iPod™ Booth, with guest Steve Jobs®
At the Apple™ iPod™ Booth you can see various Apple™ gadgets and Apple™ accessories that are fractionally better than the ones you purchased six months ago.
Enter for your chance to win a new iGoatse™! Only at the Apple™ iPod™ Booth!
Anonymous IP Booth
Drop by to pick up a mask, a bucket of liquid eraser and some felt pens, then go around to the many other booths of Uncyclopedia™ and blank, deface and otherwise mess them up!
Only at UnCon! Also, only on every wiki on the interweb, including Uncyclopedia! But especially only at UnCon!
Userpage Booths
Visit these booths to see the many cookie and throwing star-related awards that users have received, the many templates and userboxes that they have found and attached to their own page, as well as a list of pages that they've created, edited or defaced! In some booths you can see the user booths that people have created for their pets! Fun!
Only at UnCon!
The Many Memes of Uncyclopedia
Throughout the spacious UnCon grounds the many memes of Uncylopedia patrol the booths, patrons and washrooms, infecting them with the scourge of the Interweb: the meme! Memes spotted at recent UnCons include:
- Oscar Wilde - adds that little bit extra to each and every corner of UnCon. Watch for the select few of the hundreds of Oscar Wildes that are holding camcorders, as it means that they're filming Girls Gone Wilde™. Flash your tits or manboobs and get a free T-shirt for only ten bucks (UnBucks™ not accepted)! Fun!
- Yakov Smirnoff - carries on with his comedy routine, telling passersby some variation of "In America you X Y, in Soviet Russia Y X's YOU!!". Get ten UnBucks™ if you can get him to stop!
- Chuck Norris - acts as security at UnCon, patrolling the aisles, looking out for malcontents to roundhouse kick.
- Kanye West - randomly wanders around UnCon, positing that George Bush doesn't care about various people, places and things. Don't bother telling him about things George Bush most certainly cares about, as he'll just call over Chuck for a two-on-one roundhouse kicking...of you!
Who will the Uncyclopedia's next UnCon meme be? Will it be Mr. T who would, no doubt, pity one or more fools? Or will it be you? Or, more probably, something else entirely!
Only at UnCon!
Wilde Pride Parade
“An Oscar Wilde quote on every float!”
Every hour on the hour get the hell out of the way of the hourly Wilde Pride Parade! Witness the many Wildes on the, literally, ones of floats! Read the quotes! Run away from the floats, down the narrow aisles at UnCon! Be crushed under their knobby tires!
Only at UnCon!
Hall of Admin™
Held in whatever bar/hotel/liquor store is farthest from Uncon, the Hall of Admin™ is where the Admins go to gripe about the Users. You, as a User, are not permitted in, on, or near the Hall of Admin. Visiting, looking at, or thinking about the Hall of Admin™ is a banworthy™ offence.
All the stars will be there! You won't.
Only at UnCon!
Hall of Shame™
Visitors to UnCon who misbehave are sent to the Hall of Shame™, temporarily preventing them from annoying other UnCon patrons. For the duration of their ban visitors to this hall:
- Think about what they've done
- Sit on their hands
- Download pron
- Wipe out their own team in Counter Strike
- Get their ass handed to them by a 13 year old Korean kid in Starcraft
- Learn from other
prisonersattendees how to mess up Uncyclopedia more when their ban ends
Besides waiting for the ban to expire, the only way to get out of this area is to purchase an anonymous IP address for $10 (UnBucks™ not accepted).
Seriously, Where is UnCon?
Just stay put, loyal Uncyclopedian! UnCon is coming to your town soon! Admission is only:
- $10 (UnBucks™ not accepted) at the door,
- $7 (UnBucks™ not accepted) if you have an Uncyclopedia username (+$5 for each sockpuppet),
- $12 (UnBucks™ not accepted) if you are dressed as a meme,
- $15 (UnBucks™ not accepted) if you intend to quote Oscar Wilde
UnBucks™ are not accepted, anywhere. Only at UnCon!
See also
