Top Ten Sandwiches Ever

These are recognized by everyone in the Universe as the ten best sandwiches ever made.

1. The Best Sandwich Ever

created by Bizarro Jesus in 100 AD when he miraculously fed 5000 people to two fish, grilled the fish and ate them on a loaf of bread while performing the macarena in a bikini.

2. The Time Travel Sandwich

Created in a freak accident at Harvard. It contained brontosaurus meat, fried dodo bird eggs,Van Gogh's ear and mustard. Comes with a free side order of Primordial Soup. It was the first sandwich to receive a Nobel Prize.

3. Sandwiches of Zhong

The Sandwiches of Zhong are crafted by blind, deaf, one armed, legless, retarded, comatose monks in a secret abbot in Tibet. You can only get it after climbing a mountain, beating like fifty ninjas, stopping a free kick by David Beckham, making love to a yeti, beating Mario 64 in 1 minute 30 seconds without losing a life, and out-drinking that chick from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

4. Superman's Fourth Best Sandwich Ever

Invented by Superman just to show off that he could make the fourth best sandwich ever. He says he could make the third best sandwich ever if he felt like it.

5. The Ham on Rye with Lettuce, Provolone and Mustard

Created on July 2nd, 1971 by Mike Robertson - Nobody knows why but it was a really, really good sandwich. Attempts to recreate the sandwich ruined Mike's life, marriage and health.

6. The Quantaparadoxoplex Sandwich

The only filling in a quantaparadoxoplex sandwich is another quantaparadoxoplex sandwich.

7. The Sandwich Eternal

Reportedly created by magics no longer known to man this sandwich cannot be eaten or destroyed. The man who can finish it will become the king of France. In the mean time you can rent it by the hour from Barry and suck some of its flavor out. It's really a damn good sandwich.

An invisible sandwich is seen here in its natural habitat.

8. Invisible Sandwich

A common sandwich that's hard to find.

9. That Grilled Cheese with the Virgin Mary's Face On It

Proved the power of the Holy Spirit, mostly its power to make people buy retarded stuff.

10. The Turkey Sandwich

...from Subway which Jared Fogle Choked To Death On. Thank you sandwich, the world will be eternally grateful for your sacrifice.

Notable mentions

• Bruce Campbell's Ham on Excellence: Was without a doubt the greatest sandwich ever created, until G-d got jealous and rewrote reality after a battle with The Justice League of Jesus so that it never happened. In fact, you're not reading this right now.

• Captain Ultra: Despite being frequently covered in mustard and placed between two slices of bread, He's actually a superhero, not a sandwich. He might be a hero sandwich though.

• The 11th Greatest Sandwich ever: Created by Superman at the request of Jimmy Olsen. You see, Jimmy wanted a sandwich that "was one of the best ever" and just because he's a dick, Superman made him a great sandwich that, due to its place, was destined not to be mentioned on any Top Ten list ever.

• A request by Dinty Nooberthing of Sioux Falls High School for a sandwich composed of "Angelina Jolie and Kate Winslet with me in the middle" was judged out of bounds in the fourth form. Dinty was executed for this infraction.

• The sausage butty batter nugget. The name speaks for itself, really.

• Epic Sandwich: Made by the harnessed power of countless epic wins and epic fails, It remains epic in that it don't even have to be on the top 10 list to do so.

• Bacon and Cheese Sandwich of 1905: Not as good as the above mentioned sandwiches but it has a much better article than all of the above sandwiches combined.