This Page Does Exist

“Whoa. Does this...mean..the matrix is real too?”

~ Keanu Reeves

“This page, does in fact, exist.”

~ Captain Obvious

“We don't have this page, like in your country. I don't know who told you that.”

~ Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on this page

“Everything = Oscar Wilde, therefore

this page = Oscar Wilde, therefore

Oscar Wilde does not exist.”

~ Oscar Wilde on this page

According to the structures and theorems of logic, this page does exist.

This page is not like this guy.

Mathematical Proof

Explanation	Formula	Reason
We define existence to be the state of living	<latex>Existence = living</latex>	Definition of existence
All webpages take time to make, and money (internet access)	<latex>webpages = time + money</latex>	Postulated
The biological functions of life are to eat and reproduce	<latex>Living = sex + food</latex>	Meaning of Life postulate
Food requires money	<latex>food = money</latex>	No Free Lunch theorem
Reproduction takes time	<latex>sex = time</latex>	"I'm finally pregnant" theorem
Given food = money and sex = time, we substitute:	<latex>living = money + time</latex>	Substitution property of mathematics
Since webpage = time + money, and (shown above) so does living...	<latex>webpages = living</latex>	Substitution property of mathematics
We defined existence to equal living, therefore	<latex>webpages = existence</latex>	Transitive property of mathematics
This is a webpage	<latex>ThisPage = webpage</latex>	Definition of webpage
Thus...	<latex>ThisPage = existence</latex>	Transitive property of mathematics

This proof brought to you by the Fuzzy Math Foundation of America.

Corollaries to the existence theorem

The mathematical equations above have profound meaning.

Firstly, if

<latex>living = money * time</latex>

and

<latex>time = money</latex>

then

<latex>living = money^2</latex>

So.. If

<latex>Money = \sqrt {Evil}</latex>

then, transitively,

<latex>living = evil</latex>

Furthermore, if

<latex>You = living</latex>

and

<latex>ThisPage = living</latex>

then

<latex>ThisPage = You</latex>

It may be wise to keep this in mind before vandalizing this page, because, in order to balance the equation, we will have to vandalize your face.

Impact on humanity

The impact of this page's mathematical existence is profound. For instance, as long as this page exists, due to corollary #2 of the existence theorem, so do you. Ordinarily, this is reason enough to destroy this page as soon as possible, but, unfortunately, due to the inevitable paradoxical state in which this page, mathematically proven to exist, would no longer exist, the Universe would a splode. Thus, we are forced to deal with you.

See also

• This page does NOT exist