Theory of Factual Evidence
"Prove it!"
~ Oscar Wilde on the Theory of Factual Evidence
What is the Theory of Factual Evidence?[edit | edit source]
The Theory of Factual Evidence states that theories can be proven true if a sufficient amount of factual evidence is provided. All ways of proof involve the assumption that this theory is true. Despite the importance of this theory (without it, nothing could be proven), it has yet to be proven correct.
Origins of the theory[edit | edit source]
This theory dates back to a really, really, really, really, really long time ago when Caveman Bob was asked to prove something. Immediately, Caveman Bob assumed that factual evidence could prove something correct. When he provided the factual evidence, everyone he showed it to immediately assumed the same. Since then, whenever somebody wanted to prove something, that person provided factual evidence.
Attempts to prove the theory[edit | edit source]
The first person to realize that the theory was a theory, not a fact, was Caligula. This thought caused him to go insane. Because of this, he was unable to ever prove his theory.
The Theory of Factual Evidence continued to be used after that, but nobody ever tried to prove it because of what happened to poor Caligula. That is, until the days of Anonymous. He came up with the theory that the Theory of Factual Evidence could not be proven true. When asked to prove this theory, however, Anonymous fainted and fell into a coma. When he woke up, he had amnesia and forgot all about his theory, though he has at times proclaimed "It's pure logics", it is uncertain whether this was in a related context.
The Debates[edit | edit source]
In the early 0th century, when the use of tea and coffee was widespread, This Guy found out that insanity while trying to prove the Theory of Factual Evidence could be prevented by the consumption of large amounts of caffeine. Subsequently, everyone decided to join one of three factions: the Supporters, the Critics, and the People who Didn't Care at All.
The Supporters[edit | edit source]
The Supporters supported the Theory of Factual Evidence. They thought that, whether the theory was true or not, everybody must be convinced it was true or the world would slide down into complete chaos at the hands of the Critics.
The Critics[edit | edit source]
The Critics did not think the Theory of Factual Evidence was correct. They just wanted to confuse people and convince them that anything they say was true.
The People who Didn't Care at All[edit | edit source]
These people assumed that the Theory of Factual Evidence was true for proof purposes, but they believed that the Supporters were too insecure and that the Critics were trying to take advantage of them. Basically, they didn't care at all whether the theory was true or not.
Supporters of the theory say that the definition of a theory states that factual information must be provided to prove a theory correct. That, however, is a fact, and therefore cannot be used to prove the theory correct. Supporters also say that there is a lack of a counterexample. They say that every theory that has been backed by enough factual evidence just happened to be true. Critics say that nobody would have known if those theories were true or not because of the lack of a way to prove them. Still, the Supporters say that the Critics are wasting their time trying to destroy the balance of the world. Samuel Lose, a highly respected Critic leader, is credited with the quote, "So?"
The closest the Supporters and the Critics ever got to an agreement was in 1952, when the People who Didn't Care at All, who consisted of 99% of the world's population, decided enough was enough. Their leader, That Gay, set up an expedition to kill all Supporters and Critics. It would have succeeded, except that That Gay had a dentist's appointment. The expedition was rescheduled for May 18, 2046. Until then, the People who Don't Care at All will just have to deal with it.