Talk:Alessandra Ambrosio
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Comment[edit source]
Alessandra is HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Man?[edit source]
This is the second incarnation of this article, and the second time it has alluded to Ambrosio being born a male. I can't find any evidence of this elsewhere; is it coincidence, or the same author or what? --THINKER 17:58, 9 July 2007 (UTC)
Dude...[edit source]
Your right ;)
- Foiled by an IP!? CURSES!!1 :) --THINKER 20:13, 13 July 2007 (UTC)
From Pee Review[edit source]
Alessandra Ambrosio[edit source]
Please Help... I am being told (by User:Zombiebaron) that this article isn't funny? Which, personally, I don't agree with.... Anyway, Do you find it funny? If not, please suggest what I should put in it...... Thanks in advance, User:Jwsd10
Review now
Here are some self-important, pretentious comments I made on the article's discussion page:
I dunno, man. I would poke fun at something instead of just saying how sexy AA is. Like this:
Alessandra Ambrosio, born April 11, 1991, is the sexiest Victoria's Secret model. Just her big toe is so sexy that snails attempt to mate with it. She has not eaten a full meal since 2002 because once a dinner gets one taste of her lips it wants to go down on her.
This has caused Alessandra untold embarrassment.
For example, David Beckham invited her to a posh little restaurant in Pugwater-by-Hooghlygate. She ordered a salad, he ordered whitebait with braised mucus. No sooner had poor Alessandra touched a forkful of salad to her lips than the croutons leapt straight into her lap and started rooting around like sex-crazed desert hogs.
It's not easy being ultra-sexy.
Let's say Alessandra has learned that Basque separatists have packed the President of France's suppositories with nitroglycerin, and plan to detonate him at a press conference just as he is hugging a lovable little Sudanese orphan. Quickly she visits the office of the head of French police, M. Avoirdupois.
- AA: Monsieur A! The Basques plan to assassinate Jacques Chirac!
- M. A: Say, you are zee sexy. Want to fuck?
- AA: Non, Monsieur! You don't understand! The President of France is in danger!
- M. A: Oui, oui, my petite chou-chou. But later. Want to fuck?
That's the way all her interactions with men go. A dentist is drilling on her teeth, and instead of saying "OK, you can spit now" he says, "OK, spit, let's fuck now." Her mother has just died, and the doctor says "Your mom croaked. Let's fuck." Dogs run through 5 lanes of traffic just to dry-hump her leg. Some make it, most don't. Every morning her shoes say, "Come ON baybee! Me so horny! Just slide on in..." and then they make moaning noises when she puts them on.
It's terrible!
....etc. Think up funny stuff about being ultra-sexy, that's my advice. Or not. But I have to admit, I am not a fan of this series and tend to think ZB got it about right. ----OEJ 23:22, 2 April 2007 (UTC)
OK, I was thinking about this while I was a the PetSmart store making the little puppies and kittens cry. I think that what is bothering me about the piece is that it seems anti-subversive. My gut feeling is that Victoria's Secretions corporate strategy is for their models to seem like picture-perfect sex-toys. And it works: for the most part that's how society views women like Alessandra. This piece not only swallows the corporate strategy and the generic social cliché, it embraces and celebrates it.
This piece buys the corporate line.
I think comedy needs to be at least a little subversive. Satire and parody are virtually required to be subversive, in my opinion -- one of the chief purposes of satire is to point up human folly.
Is it folly to think of Alessandra Ambrosio as a singlemindedly sexual being? Sure. When she farts it smells like concentrated boiled cabbage, and her body hair sprouts in awkward places. Just like everybody else's. Yeah, speaking as an adult human male...sure she makes my salmon want to swim upstream. Speaking as an adult human, I'll bet there's a lot more to her than a cute fanny, though.
I would urge you to find what is subversive in the picture. What do they want you to think, and what is stupid, laughable, and slimy about their picture?
NEVER think what they want you to think. (This is an old guy talking here.) Not without asking difficult questions first. Of course they are not listening to your personal questioning, so you have to ask yourself the questions. And then, after awhile, you ask them in a satirical piece on Uncyc.
One more thing: the promotional corporate or social memes, the accepted cultural myths and norms, are fucking predictable. We all know them. We see them every dam' day. But here's the rub: the essence of a joke is a surprise. If you already know the punchline to a joke you may smile out of politeness. But if the momma-truckin' punchline comes right out of the blue and wallops you with something you'd never have thought of in a million years, that's funny.
So to my mind it's hard to make a funny joke if you follow the corporate or social memes. They are the opposite of unexpected: they are the expected cultural norm! They are expected -- the opposite of unexpected, the opposite of surprising.
So I think that's what bothers me about this piece (and about similar pieces that sing the praises of a commercially successful rock band, or a very popular video game, or whatever). They're following the meme, not subverting it.
All this is just the ranting of a madman, you know. My psychiatrist told me to keep taking the drugs, but I didn't listen. No I didn't. And to quote the fictional performance artist Chet Pommeroy, "this time the pus is everywhere." ----OEJ 01:38, 3 April 2007 (UTC)