Savannah Whale

Savannah Whale
This picture was taken with a high speed camera due to the fact that the photographer was being chased by a rabid school bus.
Scientific classification
Kingdom	Animalia
Phylum	Earthica
Class	Whalia
Order	Oceanica
Family	Mammalia
Genus	whalia
Species	savannacus
Binomial name
Walvis
Specifications
Primary armament	Solar Beam
Secondary armament	Tail (although this is only towards Zebras (see below))
Power supply	The Photonic Power of Ra
Health	1473
Mana	1897
Strength	78
Intelligence	178
Weight	20 tons
Length	10 feet
Special attack	Solar Beam, Fly, Surf, Hydro Pump
Conservation status
Endangeredish

The savannah whale (Orcinus savanorca), commonly referred to as the baleine de savane, and less commonly as the walvis, is a toothed whale belonging to the Mammalia family. Savannah whales are found in all savannahs, from the frigid African and Amazonian regions to tropical Georgia. Savannah whales as a species have a diverse diet, although individual populations often specialize in particular types of prey. Some feed exclusively on lions, while others hunt zebras, rats, Mexicans and even large elephants. Savannah whales are regarded as apex predators, lacking natural predators and preying on even large school buses.

Now, you are probably thinking to yourself:

“Wait. A whale in the Savannah? That can't be true.”

~ You

“What? What do you mean Savannah, sucker? There's no whales there, you fool!”

~ B.A. Baracus

“All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Savannah Whales don't actually exist.”

~ Oscar Wilde

But there are Savannah Whales.
So deal with it.

Location

Savannah whales live in the... Well done, if you guessed the savannah. If you didn't get that right, maybe this will be of more help.

Every five years, the African savannah whales migrate South to Antartica to mate and lay eggs. Many of them are stricken down each migration period due to sudden cases of SPAS (Spontaneous Penguin Attack Syndrome). The savannah whales are helpless against the onslaught of tuxedo'd fury. This natural course of nature is, of course, being hindered by humans, which will likely throw off the balance of nature and further break down the food chain. However, a large portion of the savannah whales that manage to get to Antartica die off, due to their lack of blubber.

Similarly, the Georgian savannah whales migrate North to France to mate and lay their eggs. Due to the lack of penguins between America and Europe, they have gone unabated for generations and will likely dominate the Northern hemisphere within a decade. Although, reports have come in on the fact that dead savannah whales have been found on the side of French roads. The GTF have hypothesised that the Classified are to blame.

Birthing

A rare photograph of a savannah whale giving birth.

When giving birth, the savannah whale that has made its way back from its mating ground will climb half way up a tree. This is so it can remain attentive to possible zebras that may attempt to attack it in its weakened state. The exact positioning allows it to still smack the zebras with its tail.

By contrast, the Georgian savannah whale will merely lay eggs in some water feature in the gardens of Versailles, France. The water in the fountains, streams, or ponds that the eggs stay in during germination will provide hydration and nourishment for the growing fetus.

Attributes

Blubber (or lack of)

Savannah Whales, unlike normal whales, live in the savannah. Savannahs are warm. About 2 years after the savannah whale evolved from a cousin of the killer whale, they stopped producing blubber. This led to a decrease in jokes about their weight.

Colour

Its skin is a distinct shade of orange with small green markings. The scientists at the Ginger Task Force (GTF) have theorized that it is that color colour in an attempt to blend in to dead grass. This is in fact untrue, it is because they are orange for no particular reason. Ha.

Eye Sight

The savannah whale also has the eyesight of a hawk. At the birth of a Savannah Whale the alpha Savannah Whale catches and kills a passing hawk and surgically attaches the eyes of said hawk to the new born. This is because in the 1980's the enemies of the GTF, the Classified genetically altered the the savannah whale to not be born with eyes. The GTF then retaliated by sending their elite ginja ninjas after them.

The Classified didn't last long.

About the time it takes you to read this.

So not that long.

Defense

A Savannah Whale using it's Solar Beam against a passing pigeon. The pigeon didn't look that healthy after.

Solar Beam

The well documented Solar Beam attack was discovered by the GTF resident scientist 'Gingie'. The solar beam works by absorption of light through its blow hole. This works because inside the blow hole there is a light sensitive pad that absorbes the photons from the light. The photons are then deposited into a gland in the back of its mouth (not to be confused with the whales tonsils). On command, it secretes the photons, which are expelled out as a concentrated burst of light from its mouth. This form of power is currently being investigated by PowerGen as the source of energy to get us to mars.

Tail

The use of its tail as a weapon is a tradition only to be used on zebras because Savannah Whales hate zebras. The GTF have not ben able to find out why they hate zebras so much. The theory of the moment is that zebras steal their cookies.

Predatorial Tendencies

Movement

By using its flipperclaws, it is able to drag itself through the savannah grasslands to sneak up on lions, its main food.

Hunting

The savannah Whale is often found crouching in trees before pouncing on the stupid unsuspecting. Another method of hunting is the use of trap like devices that look surprisingly like disco balls.

Controversy

Huge controversy was caused when George Bush fell pray to one of these traps claiming:

“Me want shiny thing!”

~ George Bush

He was unfortunately thankfully rescued by the ghost of Raptor Jesus in a desprate attempt to keep him out of the after life and away from him save his life.

Digestion

A picture of the Pyroworms taken by a tiny little camera on the end of a stick

Pyroworms

It has fire-breathing worms called Pyroworms (Pyricus terrestris), that live in its intestines and aid in the digestion of the lion meat and bones. It produces flame retardant mucus to stop itself from burning The worms are able to breath fire because the Savannah Whale eats Scarlet Firethorn (Pyracantha coccinea) which when the worms eat it they breath fire for a split second (the second that they breath fire for would like to say that it does not enjoy being split).

Pyroworms and Nintendo

This plant is the basis of the Super Mario Brothers fire plant which if you use to much in the first ever version of Super Mario Brothers you die of Spontaneous Nasal Explosion Syndrome or SNES which is where they got the name for the console from.