Saad Sherida Al Kaabi
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|---|---|
 Saad Al Kaabi in the ceremonial dress of a minister | |
| Born |
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| Nationality | Qatar |
| Other names | Boo Halal, Darth Wasta |
| Occupation | Boss of the Qatar Energy Crime Syndicate and Minister for Greenwashing |
| Years active | 1980-present |
| Known for | finding much gas in the most blessed sock drawer |
| Notable work | inventing a process that cools the planet by burning gas to cool gas |
| Religion | wasabi islam |
| Children | too many |
“et ecce homo natus, cuius vultus erat similis fredrico mercurio. sors eius erit fallere et mentiri et mundum frigere et comburere.”
His eminence and excellency Saad Sherida Al Kaabi,(Ramadan, during the sighting of Haley's comet) also known as His most respected excellency, Darth Wasta, the Godfather and Boo Halal is the boss of the Qatar Energy crime syndicate, known for his gifted leadership and significant contributions to the Qapartheid in Qatar and globally. He has played a crucial role in increasing Qatar's gas reserves by finding increasing amounts in his most blessed of old sock drawers. For his contributions to greenwashing and keeping the planet cool by cooling natural gas he is admired by all who surround him.
Early Life and Education[edit | edit source]
Saad Al Kaabi was born during ramadan in Qatar. It is now claimed that Haley's comet made an unscheduled appearance during his birth. He studied ballet at Juilliard in New York but dropped out after growing a mustache. His dad later bought him an engineering degree from the university of Pennsylvania State. It is believed that he was recruited by the Bain & Company crime syndicate during his time at Juilliard. In the early nineties he was given extensive training in deception, fraud, politics and line dancing to prepare him for undercover work. This culminated in his placement at the sleepy oil company of Qatar petroleum where he was inserted as a mole in the mid nineties. Within a decade Kaabi paved the way for Bain & Company to muscle in on the legitimate oil business in Qatar and eventually front the newly established crime family.
Career[edit | edit source]
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Al Kaabi joined Qatar Petroleum (QP) in 1980 and has held several key positions within the crime syndicate. In 2005 he rose to captain of the North Field neighborhood and started his meteoric rise to eventually become the boss of the entire syndicate. His most significant contribution during his tenure as capo of the North Field fief was to find much gas with his bare hands. He also showed great foresight in hiring advisors from the KGB to improve secrecy surrounding the exact source of this gas. In 2014 he was appointed as the President, CEO and boss of Qatar Petroleum, where he has overseen numerous initiatives aimed at expanding Qatar's natural gas and petrochemical production capacity. His leadership has been instrumental in the development of the North Field Expansion project, one of the largest liquefied natural gas (LNG) projects in the world. In 2017 the Saudi and Emirati crime syndicates where trying to muscle in on the greenwashing trade in Qatar. Heroically, only Saads discovery of yet more natural gas in the most blessed sock drawer staved of an invasion of hostile forces. For this, the Qing of Qatar made him minister of greenwashing.
“Who's your daddy?[1]”
“Who's your daddy?[2]”
In addition to his role at Qatar Petroleum, Al Kaabi serves on the boards of various companies and organizations, further extending his influence in the energy sector. He is recognized for his contribution to keep the illegitimate Al Thani family in power by providing plush jobs to the least competent of their rivals scions. Kaabi is also the exalted cyclops of the Klanton of Qatar of the Qlu Qlux Qlan. He is known for his strong support of qatartheid but is a little bit uncomfortable with the KKK's views on light brown people and Islam.
conversation between Kaabi and the Qing of Qatar[edit | edit source]
- Saad Kaabi; good news your excellent highness. I have found enough gas to keep the plebs in Land Cruisers, Qocaine, Hooqers and Louis Vuitton handbags and you in sovereignty for at least one more generation
- Qing of Qatar: That is good news, Boo Halal. But tell me, the McKinsey wisemen tell me that if we sell and burn all this gas my house in Chelsea will soon be as hot as the Gulf. Is this true?
- Saad Kaabi: Wicked lies. The infidel westoids practice a strange witchcraft called counting. They use something called numerical literacy to spun their Haram web of deceit and lies. Do not get seduced by this wickedness, oh mighty exalted Qing.
- Qing of Qatar: Oh OK
- Saad Kaabi: In any case, we can always buy Iceland and decorate it with Louis Vuitton.
Achievements and Recognition[edit | edit source]
Al Kaabi was qawarded the prize for most feared boss by mafia intelligence in 2019[3].
Leadership Style[edit | edit source]
The Qatar Energy crime syndicate is a strong believer in meritocracy and equality. As such Al Kaabi has gone to great lenghts to favor the Al Mufta and Al Hitmi families with plush jobs. Most capo positions are now filled by illiterate males without a backbone, making finding new north field reserves much easier. He despises control freaks and would not dream of insisting on approving all foreign trips for expat employees himself. Transparency, especially when it comes to confirmed gas reserves, is very dear to him. In addition he is known for his humbleness, for instance his excellency has graciously arranged for his Bentley Bentayga to be parked in a separate garage from the rest of the crime syndicate bosses, so as not to inconvenience others. He is also very concerned about the environment and insists on driving one of the most energy efficient vehicles available in Qatar. He never flies anything more polluting than private jet and will occasionally even use first class. His excellencies sense of humor is legendary.
“Saad Kaabi, he's a bit much, I think”
Personal Life[edit | edit source]
Outside of his professional endeavors, Saad Sherida Al Kaabi is known for his love of karaoke. His rendition of "I want to break free" by Queen is always a highlight of the underground Al Thani parties. He has stated that he would like to be a bigamist, but his wife doesn't allow him to. Al Kaabi resides in Chelsea with his family.
After Qatar Energy, future plans[edit | edit source]
In 2023 NATO offered Kaabi the role of secretary general, which he declined. Rumor has it that the groundwork is being made for two potential future moves available to his excellency when these positions become available.
Prime minister of Israel[edit | edit source]
The first is prime minister of Israel, which is an office sponsored by the Qountry of Qatar. His excellencies' strength of character and leadership skills is believed to be a great asset to keep the forever war between the Israeli left and the Israeli wrong going and keep the conditions favorable for Qhaos in the middle east and influence for the Qing.
Catholic Pope[edit | edit source]
A more ambitious scenario, Kaabi is believed to be aiming for, is that of Catholic Pope. A key part of the negotiations with the Italian green washing firm ENI for a piece of the North Field pyramid scheme was the demand that Kaabi was made a cardinal. Cardinal Saad has allegedly already secured a quarter of the votes of the conclave through lavish bribes and a clear commitment to the principles of control through oppression and threats which are so dear to the church. As of 2025 he is certainly papabile[4].
References[edit | edit source]
- ↑ https://www.csis.org/analysis/qatar-leaves-opec
- ↑ https://www.politico.eu/article/qatar-warned-to-halt-eu-gas-supplies-if-fined-under-due-diligence-law/
- ↑ https://www.energyintelligenceforum.com/2022/HE-Saad-Sherida-Al-Kaabi#:~:text=SHERIDA%20AL%2DKAABI-,ENERGY%20EXECUTIVE%20OF%20THE%20YEAR%202022,The%20award%20recognizes%20Mr.
- ↑ https://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/UnNews:Qatar_buys_the_papacy