RAND Corporation

The RAND Corporation, otherwise known as "Science Hippie Heaven", is a corporation focused on "facts and evidence," unlike the wiki you are currently perusing. The corporation was created either in 1946 or 1948, but even RAND seems to have trouble deciding between the two. RAND is apparently a research facility, and they do all types of extravagant tests in their hidey-hole. The RAND corporation hates COVID-19, solar wind, and China.

Origin of name

The name RAND has multiple possible origins. Many believe it to be an acronym, standing for Readily Available in North Dakota. Others believe it to be named after the founder, Randy Moss. This is unlikely, as Randy Moss didn't make the RAND corporation, as he was too busy dealing with not being born yet. The indisputably true answer, however, is that the actual founder of RAND, Arnold Schwarzenegger, saw a bomber plane while he was naming the corporation, and had tried to scream "RUN!!!". Schwarzenegger's comment (badly garbled by his thick Austrian accent) had, unbeknownst to him, been misinterpreted into a name for the corporation. He would later leave out of embarrassment and follow his dreams of acting, though his speech impediment haunted him for his entire life.

Early history

After Schwarzenegger had bestowed a name onto the corporation and fled, the company's executive position was taken by the entire US Army. The military immediately forced RAND to do several inhumane tests. When the Army told Rand to go inject armymen and armymenwomen with liquid nitrogen to see what happens, RAND gave them a Formal Declaration of Middle Finger, and became an independent company. RAND does, however, still do horrible things to armymenwomen. (See the "Scandals" section for more info.)

Famous tests

RAND has done many famous tests in the past. One time they injected people with mantis DNA, then had multiple Science Hippies grab AK-47s and miniature nukes to fight an army of Mantis Men. Another time they injected people with mantis shrimp DNA, but that was less cool.

RAND has also talked about weaponizing coral reefs to fight China, but so far all they've managed to accomplish is strap Bombs to the coral and blow it up, which, granted, is fun, but the coral wasn't pleased. This operation, conducted near Thailand, upset many conservationists in the area, and to cope, they murdered every Randy in a fifty mile radius. Luckily, in Thailand, the name Randy isn't very common, so they only killed one person.

In 1978, the RAND corporation had a theory that unicorns were attracted to virgins. The results were very conclusive; they were not nice to virgins so much as violent to non-virgins. They wanted to do more study, which was said to have involved Max Donnelly. Unfortunately they had recently transformed all of their armymenwomen into horrible mistakes, and thus they could not find any fairy-tale virgins to conduct further testing. (See "Armymenwomen" for more info.)

Scandals

RAND has had two scandals in its lifetime. The first, the fabled "Gorilla Incident", was sometime in the 1930s, when the company was still under control of the Hoover administration. Science Hippies were lured out of their Hippie Heaven to be injected with simian DNA. Many of the surviving Science Hippies wondered about the correlation with RAND Corporation and vaccinations, but before they could ponder this any further, they were forcefully and violently injected with simian RNA though their freshly-mutated monkeybutts. This transformed many of them into the first gorillas (not to be confused with the first Gorillaz). This was obviously a horrible incident for all involved.

The second has to do with armymenwomen and is elaborated upon in "Famous Tests."

Armymenwomen

Alright. We've had you on a wild goose chase to figure out what happened to the armymenwomen. (Unless you read the article like a book, you sick fuck.) You see, in 1977, RAND decided to conduct a test to see if armymen could outperform armymenwomen. To test this, they put their armymen and armymenwomen in a pit and told them to fight. The results were stricken from the record, and any survivors were sent to the big farm in the sky. Nevertheless, the lack of armymenwomen severely impacted the once great reputation the corporation had.