Philosophy, Politics and Economics
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Philosophy, Politics and Economics (often abbreviated to PPE) is a popular preparatory course for aspiring politicians of Great Britain offered by the University of Oxford. While nominally covering Politics, Philosophy and Economics, in fact its core curriculum covers the three fundamental schools of Westminster, the most noble political arts of perjury, propaganda and elitism.
Perjury[edit | edit source]
While it is essentially just another word for lying, it happens to be a word just beyond the vocabulary of most of the proletariat, therefore alleviating them from the need to master doublethink. It is this charitable intention to simplify the lives of those that PPEists view beneath them that has enabled PPE scholars to achieve ever more grand and impressive displays of outright bullshitting. Jonathan Aitken, so enamoured with other successful displays of Perjury, took it upon himself to outwit his better educated rivals in the grandest display of Perjury of all time. However his inferior education in Law at Oxford rather than PPE left him with inadequate understanding that the first rule of Perjury is that you do not get caught.
This had led him to be forced to use what he was in fact taught rather than what he wished he had learned during his time in the dreaming spires and instead he experienced the sharp end of the criminal justice system. The record for greatest display of Perjury of all time by a PPEist is currently held by Bill Clinton, a one time Rhodes Scholar. Alas, much like Mr Aitken, an incomplete instruction in the finer points of Perjury caused by his leaving Oxford to study Law again led him to get caught.
Propaganda[edit | edit source]
In order to successfully practice perjury, one needs to get the untruths into the ears, eyes and minds of the proles. To do this one must learn propaganda and it's part of any good PPE curriculum.
Elitism[edit | edit source]
David Cameron's current government most impressively displays elitism since any time in post-war politics. 114% of his government is composed of public-schoolboys and 276% hold degrees in PPE from Oxford. We can thus expect the lies, deceit and misinformation might possibly outdo the previous administration.
Cambridge University offers a similar course of SPS, covering Sycophancy, Perjury and Sanctimony, it is however not as well represented in the upper echelons of the British political elite, since while Cambridge understood the importance of Perjury in the day-to-day execution of modern political office (and hence both courses offer instruction in it), elitism has proven itself a more useful skill to possess when climbing the slippery pole to the top, as unswerving belief in the superiority of oneself is generally necessary to accomplish the on average 47,196 back-stabbings required. Michael Portillo, himself a Cambridge man, attempted the required back-stab count, but his inferior instruction from his alma mater led him instead to stab a little lower.
The reality of his multi-thousand attempted stabs of other young up-coming politicians' posteriors with his pork sausage turned out to be impossible to square with the repeated denials of homosexuality needed to lead Great Britain and he was eventually forced out of politics.
See also[edit | edit source]
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