Peter Cushing
Peter Wilton Jesus Victor Frankenstein Cushing (26 May 1913- 11 August 1994; 25 December 1999- 30 October 2008) was an English actor, mad scientist, vampire slayer and all round nice guy. He is perhaps best remembered for beating the shit out of Dracula, saving the world twice and creating a monster known as Frankenstein to his friends.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Cushing was born in an unknown location in England, possibly in Whitsable (there are some who dispute this, and claim that he is simply part of England that broke into the sea and came to life). Whether or not he was born there, Cushing soon decided Whitsable would be a suitable location to start his cult of vegetable buyers and bicycle riders.
After the discovery that he was the product of Sherlock Holmes and God, Cushing decided to head for America, in the hope that he would conquer it and rebuild his empire of Britishness. However, after a fierce battle with Laurence Olivier, Cushing decided to return to his homeland and instead conquer television.
Acting career and drug use[edit | edit source]
After become King of Television in 1956, and occasionally hypnotising viewers, Cushing decided to go on a month long drinking binge to celebrate his success. This was not a problem; Cushing has proved immune to alcohol, becoming one of the many Gods of alcohol and still narrates many people's drunken occurrences. However, when he drank a cocktail of heroin, cocaine, whiskey, vodka and lemon juice, he had a drastic personality change, which affected him for the next 10 or so years. He was not completely mad, but had developed a Jekyll and Hyde type of character (his attempts to lock it in his sock drawer were unsuccessful)
In 1957 his bad half known as Victor Frankenstein took over for a period of 6 months, during which the successful documentary film 'Curse of Frankenstein' was filmed. Directly after this Cushing managed to regain his sanity, but discovered an unknown hatred for vampirism. After killing all the known vampires in Europe, Cushing decided to have a tea break for 3 years, returning in 1960 to battle yet more vampires and also become Frankenstein again. Cushing once commented "My dual personality is quite conflicting." It is possible this was sarcasm or this was stated during his brief possession by Captain Obvious
In 1972 he made the first half of a two part vampire film in which he beat the shit out of Dracula. However, Dracula was less than happy to co-star, commenting "I'm about as displeased as Christopher Lee right now. Hang on, I am Christopher Lee..."
Cushing also starred in a few films with Vincent Price and after attempting to murder him and steal his career, they made up and became good friends. Soon after this he was sent into the future and masqueraded as Grand Moff Tarkin in space, wearing pink slippers and being evil. This was brought to an abrupt end by the collapse of the space time continum, so he subsequently returned to Earth. Due to inhaling a star and some dust from Mars, his evil affliction was completely cured in 1974, and he no longer had to create evil monsters.
Superhero/Being Jesus[edit | edit source]
First Apocalypse[edit | edit source]
Cushing had long put aside his duties to the world as the son of God. However in 1977 the apocalypse was unwittingly started by a gang of hippies and it was up to the Cushingator to save the world. After donning a deerstalker and a crucifix, Cushing managed to halt time, reverse it, give the hippies so many 'shrooms that they passed out, and replace a fallen statue on his mantlepiece within the space of 30 seconds.
Soon after this, the previously small cult of Peter Cushing worshippers grew to outgrageous proportions, resulting in Cushing's election as King of the Universe, which he politely declinded in order to continue his acting/superhero career.
Second Apocalypse[edit | edit source]
After the turmoil of John Carradine's death in 1988, the world was once again expected to collapse. However, due to Cushing's invention of the DVD (which meant Carradine's fans could watch Vammpire Hookers as many times as they pleased), and the fact that he convinced Christopher Lee to take any film part and do as many films as possible (someone had to beat Carradine's record), this was avoided. It has been speculated that Carradine's death was not the direct cause of this- many fans of Horror movies had been traumatized and appauled by Top Gun and Tom Cruise two years previously, and the death of Carradine merely triggered the turmoil that MTV and the slow destruction of individuality had created. Others state that Carradine sucks, but most tend to beat those others over the head with a stick.
Death and resurrection and subsequent death[edit | edit source]
In 1994 Cushing was confronted while at a tea party by Blacula, Bela Lugosi's evil twin, Count Chocula, Nick Griffin, Tom Cruise and Hitler. Although he managed to kill Hitler and Count Chocula, he was overcome by their sheer brute force and died. Many attended his funeral, and the whole world mourned.
However in 1999 his worshippers decided to resurrect Cushing to protect them in the new millennium (some accounts claim that Cushing himself decided it was time to be reborn. This is also known as the second coming of Jesus). On December 25 Cushing returned, and decided to return to his home in Whitsable to paint and act inconspicous.
Although his cult and worshippers were active in the area, a group of Satanists invaded and in the Great Battle of Vegetables managed to discover that Cushing was still alive. Despite being vanquished, they returned during a Halloween party in 2008, hosted by Vincent Price, and managed to attack half the guests, including Cushing and John Carradine. Although Christopher Lee managed to kill the Satanists, Cushing had already decided to sacrifice himself for the goodness of mankind, and after saying goodbye to his friends and devotees, died at approximately 12 seconds to midnight.
Reasons for Cushing's sacrifice are unknown, but it has been suggested it was a failed attempt to save the world from Justin Bieber and Twilight (otherwise known as TwiShite). Some say that he died to escape these monstrosities. There is evidence that Cushing may come back in the future to destroy these.