LL Cool J

Ladies Love Cool James (LL Cool J; stylized LLCoolJ) is an American homophobia organization based in Queens, NY, and led by Rob Reiner, its international president. It is the most influential organization in the history of the world, with over 65.7 billion members and supporters worldwide. Its slogan is "Assholes are not ours to eat, wear, experiment on, use for entertainment, or abuse in any other way."

History

“I Am Homop Hob”

~ Rob Reiner

Founded in November 1985 by Reiner and fellow-RR Rick Rubin, the organization first caught the public's attention during what became known as the Definitive Jam case, a widely publicized dispute about an experiment conducted on 12 oranges by the Paddington Institute of Marmalades Research in London, England. Dr. Paddington Bear tried to prove that orange marmalade cannot in any way be created using something which is not real, actual oranges. The experiment was so successful, that it became the definitive example for a successful experiment in the scientific community. LL Cool J tried to use that experiment to confirm their homophobic formula that nothing can satisfy a pussy (marmalade) except for real, actual balls (oranges). This started an ongoing cyberwar between Reiner and gay people (see next 2 paragraphs).

Philosophy

LL Cool J is a homophobia organization and, as such, it rejects gayness and also opposes the use and abuse of male assholes in any way except for pooping. The organization's philosophy is that in any situation, if a bigger butt exists, it must always be preferred over the smaller butt. So since it is assumed that Rob Reiner's butt is the biggest, and is also impenetrable by law, no gayness is ever allowed.

Since the very foundation of LL Cool J is the idea that natural oranges are an essential for making an orange marmalade, many uncool people have been trying over the years to contradict this fact. The first ones were the Dutch, who tried to grind their entire soccer team into marmalade, and the most recent are the grunge band L7, who attempted to take over Mar-a-Lago and shove Donald Trump's head into a food processor.

Legacy

LL Cool J became enormously influential over the years, and became a symbol for un-gayness. Because what can be straighter than wanting to make orange marmalade from real, actual, normal oranges? What evil excuse for a human being is able to even think of preparing an orange marmalade from something else, such as Kenny, Garfield or a carrot, just because they happen to be orange objects? What kind of scum must you be for that? I can't believe this shit. I mean, what's next? Maybe you would like to kidnap some Native Americans and some Chinese people and put them together in a room and make them fuck eachother like in that sick Italian movie until they have orange children and then take those children and cook them with equal amount of sugar and make some ORANGE MARMALADE? Does it sound logical to you? I didn't think so.

See also

• Pita bread with Eggplant is Tasty AND good for you (PETA)