Najib Razak

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The PM's legendary pose when he sentenced Anwar to jail for sodomy, and his other enemies particularly those who questioned him over 1MDB.

Najib "Mongolia" Razak (or Rojak, Roasted or Arrested), aka Abang Jib, Bossku/Bazooka or Bodoh Razak[Saw it on the discovery channel] in Malay (depends whether you are his supporter or not) or Ah Jib Kor in overly simplified Chinese, is an extremely rich businessman who was chosen by the Malaysian God Mahathir Mohamed to succeed his then disobeying sub-servant Abdullah Ahmad Badawi. Under his rule, Singaporeans were happy that the exchange rate between the Malaysian ringgit and Singapore dollars went up, while the Malaysians have to suffer from the high costs of living. He was very well known among Malaysians and connected to many corruption scandals including the 1MDB (1Malaysian's Development for Bitches), implementing the GST so that he and his wife can go on holiday after the 2018 Malaysian elections, and trying to bribe voters throughout his election campaign in 2018 by offering goodies and snacks in the rallies.

Early years[edit]

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Born in Pahang, Malaysia on 23 July 1953, he is born to a privileged family, with his father, grandfather and ancestors all leading the Malaysian government. However, he has actually no interest in politics; he prefers mathematics to talking with people, until his mentor, aka his father Abdul Razak, showed him the secret method used that kept him and his family in power over Malaysia - corruption. When he was eighteen, Najib was given a huge sum of money. However, instead of using the money to bribe his way into politics, he used it to get himself a job in Petronas (Malaysia's sticky oil company), which is not a bad choice until he muddled up a sum which got the company into a stickier mess than it is.

Ascension to power[edit]

Despite persuasion by his father to join the government, even offering incentives, Najib remained reluctant to take up his father's footsteps. His father eventually brought over Petronas, making it officially part of Malaysia instead of China, so that Najib has no choice but to sign up with his colleagues to join the government.

To promote sports gambling in Malaysia, he then asked for a transfer to Minister of Culture, Youth and Sports, where he spent his next few years training Malaysian athletes and coaches and managers on how to win, kick and score a goal in this order. (It was never successful. Eventually, the athletes and coaches and managers figured out what went wrong and disregarding all Najib's teaching.) Najib managed to do a good job in the ministry besides just offering money to others; he was good at organising sporting events, cutting down forests for football fields, and inventing Malaysia's national drink called 101-plus, which is just water mixed with 100 plus.

Mahathir, then prime minister, has seen good potential in Najib, given his extraordinary performance in the Ministry of CYS, decided to promote him to Minister of Defence, to defend Malaysia against Singapore. However, because there are better things to do than watching out for Singapore attacking Malaysia, Najib then deployed Malaysian troops to assist the UN peacekeeping forces in Bosnia in 1993, and later to Somalia. Najib decided not to let his troops fight anymore just because one soldier died in a bar fight in Somalia. There were some questions raised when a few million dollars dedicated to the military were gone and Najib is reported to have a yacht and a nuclear submarine for himself after that. Nevertheless, no one cares, because Najib used the remaining money to shut up the people before things get out of control.

He quitted the ministry and focus on re-education in Malaysia, for all Malaysians (including Chinese and Indians) to worship only 1Allah. However, he never succeeded as his plans were thrown in a polluted drain in Malaysia. But he still raised the salaries of teachers, encourage more Malays to become decree-holders overseas, and set up more lower-class universities in Malaysia for Chinese and Indians to attend. In short, he widened the gap between the Malays and the other races in

1MDB[edit]

Is gay.

Down the hill[edit]

With the 1MDB issue out of control, and Malaysians throwing their support towards his mentor's camp, Najib desperately tried to appeal to his remaining supporters that he will give more incentives, but even his supporters turned their backs against him and threw him down (not literally). Najib lost his post as Prime Minister after Mahathir clinched back his rightful post as Prime minister.

His rail-listic projects[edit]

The good thing Najib has ever done is to plan a spiderweb of MRT networks in Kuala Lumpur and sign an agreement with Singapore to build a roller coaster which goes one big round around Malaysia and stops at Singapore (or as some calls it, the High-Speed Rail). Najib also plans to bring in China developers to come build the network, so as to 'save some costs' and endangering the lives of future Malaysians.

List of properties[edit]

Najib Razak's list of properties is equivalent to a greedy's child Santa Claus's wish list, just that one has all the stuff, while the other doesn't. All his legendary properties, from about 15 exclusive watches and a villa, could have been bought with money from taxes from his earnings which is more than all the Malaysians together.

  • His palaces - To know how big these houses are, the police investigating the 1MDB scandal raided just one house and it took 18 hours to reach the doorstep from the gate, not because Najib Razak set up some tiger traps in the courtyard (he is sitting on a garden chair looking at the police trying to approach the house). Still, the police came up with little evidence against Najib, apart from the fact he has too much cash stored in his wife's LV bags.
  • Sabah - His favourite property. He always makes sure he visits the state, unlike his mentor Mahathir who never stepped into the living hell located at one corner of Malaysia and south of some pirates and kidnappers from the Philippines. However, he was kicked out unceremoniously after he lost the elections.
  • Malaysia - If he was prime minister, what country did he own? Well, but Malaysia is now sold to someone else - the people who disowned UMNO.
  • The Wonders of Malaysia - One good investment. Building up all of Malaysia's wonders, he uses them to earn some 'tourist revenue' meant for the government. But we know where the money eventually goes.
  • One AirAsia plane - Reaching a deal with the budget air carrier, Najib has his own personal plane, used for emergency purposes. Well, he never gets to use it to escape Malaysia since Mahathir ordered the plane to be grounded.