The Mousse itself is a large hairy mammal, a distant cousin of the Rat, that inhabits the frozen tendrils of Canadia and Alaskaland. The mousse is one of the larger varieties of Rodent, larger then a Rat's ass but smaller then Bruce Willis, with the males sporting a very fetching coatrack on their heads. When shaved, an adult mousse somewhat resembles a bald mousse. The mousse's coat can be used to make blankets, hats, stationwagons and mousse suits for bald mousses.
Mousse as a food
In the year nineteen dickety two mousse populations in Alaska were getting out of hand; it came to the point where only the desginer of the original XBox controller could hold one. Not only were the moussess's out of hand, but there were tons of the bastards! It wasn't long before local Inuit leaders decided that, for the good of the 13 people living in Alaska at the time, the moussess's would have to be ruthlessly and mercilessly culled. The citizens didn't need much persuading and the result was two weeks of slaughter and 130 million dead mousses. Faced with mountains of decomposing rodents the Alaskans did the only logical thing; pureed, froze and ate the mousses with small plastic spoons.
How to prepare your own Mousse
If you should happen to find a mousse living in your walls, or not living depending on how large your walls are, you may want to make your own mousse as a cheaper alternative to Commercial Mousse. The process is simple but time consuming.
- First: You must catch the mousse, this is easier to do if the mousse is already dead. If it isn't dead, lay a trap baited with moussenip or Naughty Mousse's Monthly and wait with an idustrial sized fly swat.
- Second: You must mulch the mousse down to a workable consistancy, as the mousse will undoubtably be larger then the standard blender this may take some time, start with the head as this will result in less resistance from the mousse. Be prepared to spend an hour or more holding the blender to the mousse, it's recommended to work over a tarp or easily washable surface, as it will be tricky to balance a mousse corpse in an active blender.
- Third: Once you have a large quantity of mousse paste you will have to strain it to remove bones and hair (which can then be used for arts and crafts purposes). Whisk the strained paste until it gains a fluffy consistancy and pour into serving bowls. Chill and eat.
Becuase of the effort required to make good mousse most people are forced to buy commercial brands, these big name companies are able to get away with substituting various parts of the mousse with inferior or artificial substances, resulting in cheap, but shitty, mousse. In order to combat these Mousse Cartels various individuals began selling good quality mousse on the street. Usually in dark alleys to avoid detection by Mousse Patrols. Over time these Mousse Dealers became corrupted by their power and began hocking off mousse that would make you overly happy for no real reason, or cause you to see colours that don't yet exist. These pleasant side effects were induced by adding addictive substances and carpet cleaners to inferior mousse paste.
These practices resulted in a whole generation of addicts who had no idea why they needed a mousse fix. But now new laws prevent the sale of mousse by unliscened Moussees. This isn't much of a deterent though, as a liscence consists of a piece of paper with the word liscence on it, signed with an X.