Megalonyx

Megalonyx (meaning Great Claw) is a very large animal inhabiting North America West of the Mississippi River all the way from Las Vegas to Anchorage, Alaska. Despite this creature's appeareance, it is actually related to the very dissapointing animal that is the Sloth, hence the common name Ground Sloth, although slightly smaller than their other relative the Giant ground sloth. However, their third cousin 14 times removed is Sid the Sloth.

History and Range

This animal was first found as a couple of claw bones by Thomas Jefferson, on the East side of the Mississippi, indicating that in they past they may have been able to fly across the river, as we know they are completely incapable of floating or swimming on water. Whatever the reason, the first bones were found there. On the famous Lewis and Clark Expedition, Thomas Jefferson told Lewis and Clark to look out for Megalonyx whilst on their adventure, as the concept of extinction didn't exist to him because he was stupid. However, Lewis and Clark found that the western half of the continent was absolutely filled with them, and they almost acted as Locust Swarms. Since then, their numbers have only increased with human settlement as some of their favorite foods include Used Needles, Street Garbage, Carbon dioxide, Half Eaten Big Macs, and Sewer Snakes.

Description

This beast is approximately the size of 1.2643 domesticated cows on average in weight, making it the fourth largest terrestrial animal in North America after the Bison, Average American Citizen, and Your Mom. They have a really big shaggy coat and are kinda poo colored.