MLB Deep Games
The MLB season has been cancelled, as every player has mysteriously vanished. However, they will be playing their own gamez with their own balls. Every player got into a van, and then got gassed asleep using fresh scents from India. Some of them were also graped if they were handsome enough. The players were all sent to Diddy's Grotto, put in matching pajamas, and were tucked into bed so nicely the bed bugs couldn't even comprehend the thought of biting them. Some players were then graped a second time.
God your so Deep[edit | edit source]
VIP (Very Irregular People)[edit | edit source]
In the Deep's aquarium, the VIP's chilled with the ran through octopi. Trevor Bauer and Tony Ohtani were playing blackjack, but instead of the number being 21 the number was 8000. They just kept saying "hit!" Bauer started telling Tony how the girl that accused him of rape REALLY got arrested herself and that he should be allowed back into Hooters. Ohtani kept hitting him with the "damn thats crazy" as he was too busy romantically thinking of airplanes.
The Blonde Barista walked in as another VIP, and Bauer knew he had to rizz her again. He asked her "can you make it bounce?", but before she could answer Tony Ohtani yelled "Bro do you still need a ride home after this?" Bauer crashed out as the Blonde Barista got the ick. He then yelled at Tony "I'm fucking this dolphin and its YOUR fault!" The next VIP was Diddy Kong, who had nothing better to do since he wasn't invited to Mario Kart. He volunteered his grotto for use, but also volunteered bananas for the contestants to shove up their holes.
Everybody was excited Megan Turner showed up, because she's the sister of Trea Turner. She was there to because she didn't want to teach lang that day. The final notable VIP for the games is Black Noir, who gave the Deep the n word pass. Black Noir likes the Boston Red Sex, they fly like him.
The six VIPS gathered around to watch their leader introduce himself to the players. With the Deep, that made SEVEN vip's (get the reference).
Insurmountable Debt[edit | edit source]
Players began to wake up, having different reactions to where they were. Reese IMMEDIATLY started jerking it, while Josh Allen blamed the blacks. Adley Rutschman and Gunnar Henderson got scared they would miss their lectures, but they remembered they weren't going anyway. Kyle Tucker perhaps woke up the most confused, until Justin Tucker said he brought BOTH of them here for epic massages. Aroldis Chapman said he was scared and needed his mom and her boobs. Tim Anderson decided to shank the nearest player. Well Well Well.
Fernando Titties was about to stick it in the metal bedframe before the Deep came in. He explained that despite all of them being professional athletes, they were all broke ass bums. He started playing on the TV a montage of every player and there struggles.
Mariners catcher Cal Dumptruck needed money to make his ass even bigger, Brewers outfielder Christian FREAKlich needed money to pay off kinky strippers, Padres designated shitter Gavin Shitz needed money to repair his toilets, and Nationals pitcher Mackenzie Vore needed money to buy very specific erotic videos off the dark web. Orioles first baseman Ryan Newcastle needed money to make Apex Legends fun again, while dbacks pitcher Monty Mole needed money to build an underground sex lair. Dodgers outfielder James OUTman needed money to hook up his homie Kai, and pirates legend Andrew McCutchen needed money to make the furries go away. Mr Kris Byrant needed money to help his early retirement from photography, and Shane Savgur needed money to pay for his son's school where he doesn't go to class. And of course, Ippei Mizuhara needed more money to gamble.
Wander Franco started tweaking out becuz he hasn't seen a kid in 24 hours, and he told the Deep to hurry it up. The Deep revealed to everybody the grand prize of a buck-fifty. The person who won all the games would win it all. The Deep then said it was time to begin, but first needed to see how many people there were. Mookie Betts told the Deep that there were 800 players, Mookie knows because he fucked them all before. The Deep lowkey crashed out because he didn't realize there were so many LOSERS who played baseball. So he initiated an emergency game 1.
GAME 1: Dealers Choice[edit | edit source]
The Deep quickly eliminated every player that wasn't in an article or who wouldn't be important here today. Thats really about it. There were 100 players left. Afterwards, the Deep got horny so he started to leave to jerk off, informing the remaining players the 2nd game would start the next day. Somebody then shouted at the Deep, and everybody turned to see Chris Pratt. "Hey I'm not a baseball player! Why am I here?" The Deep said "Idk I just felt like having you here."
The Players began to form alliances with one another, such as Shohei Ohtani paying his interpreter to come be his fall guy again. This left Wander, Julio, Josh Allen, and Luigi without their useless fucker. At least Wander got to be reunited with Jose Siri, who lost tons of money to Hawk Tuah's crypto scam. Manny Machado and Fernando Titties had to drop Jurickson Profar from their 3 man, because Profar took loads of steroids to get his dick hard. They replaced him with Jackson Merrill, who was young enough to hit on college freshman without it being weird. Bryce Harper reassembled his band of Philly Cheesesteaks, as he needed money to fund Doctor Doom.
From the VIP room, the blonde barista watched Eric Hosmer explore the bodies of other kansas shitty royals. She was planning her revenge, waiting for the moment to unleash her snail named Emmanuel. Trevor Bauer pulled out a sniper rifle and aimed it at Cole from Ninjago's head. Just as he pulled the trigger, Tony Ohtani wanted to tickle fight and tackled Bauer. The bullet went sideways and shot Black Noir through the brain. Like how the old Noir saw cartoon animals, the new Noir now sees 2010's cartoon characters.
The Deep entered after railing a starfish, and gave everybody a fresca, because he's a kind host. After 30 minutes of straight silence, the Deep told everybody to leave the room so Megan Turner, sister of Trea Turner, could look over his essays (they had no thesis). Bauer and Tony Ohtani went on a quick side quest, as Bauer wanted to put a scorpion in Cole's bed. Tony Ohtani got really scared because a black guy came up to him, but it was just O'Neil Cruz telling him that he killed 3 people on a motorcycle in the Dominican republic.
The two eventually regrouped and explored the basements of Diddy's Grotto. Bauer lowkey wanted to find a place he could put a finger in his ass without anyone watching, but he instead found a room with a supe killing virus. Just before he could shove that up his ass too, Tony Ohtani yelled "Come out bro they found US down here." It took Ohtani 5 whole minutes to reach Bauer's hiding spot, but the other guards took them both away. Bauer screamed "TF YOU MEAN US!"
Preparations[edit | edit source]
The following morning, shitters woke up to the sounds of women in the distance, appearing to be behind a door. Players started creaming, others shit their pants. Javier Baez ran straight up to the door, asking to be let in! Ha Seong Kim was literally Ryan Gosling, so he literally started crying. Cole screamed that he got stung by a scorpion. The Deep entered, and told everyone it was time to become a Chicago Cub. In other words, everybody needed to take their pants off.
The Deep announced that for the 2nd game, all the players had to do was get rizzy. In order to move on, the player needed to have intercourse, yes in the sexual way. LJ Hoes fell to his knees. "Just slime me already gng."
The Deep felt generous, and offered players a starfish, one at a time. Once all 100 players individually said "No, I do not want a starfish Mr. The Deep," then the Deep opened the doors. Let the chaos begin.
GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS FINE SHYTS[edit | edit source]
GAME 2: Rizz Up[edit | edit source]
The MLB shitters flooded into the room full of baddies, ranging from 2007 Megan Fox to "I didn't know god made bitches this ugly." The first player eliminated was Chris Pratt, who took the emergency exit and left on his own free will. Its rumored that he had an important meeting to attend with Paulofan18. Shane Savgur also left, he learned his son got expelled and had no reason to be here anymore.
To everybody's surprise, the 1st player successful was Reese Mcguire. He had a girl give him a fine handy. Success!
Fernando Titties Jr and Luis Arraez went on a quick 2 man. Not with any women, but with a bat and a toaster in the corner of the room. Success!
Paul Skenes was relieved to see his girlfriend Livvy Dunne in the room, and was preparing to stick it in. However, 80 other guys were simping for her as well. She didn't want to be mean so she decided to show everybody her nudes before sex. Meanwhile, Andrew McCutchen was trying to find somebody to fuck that wasn't a furry.
Wander had no trouble winning this round, as he pulled an Ian Hoag on the nearest 10 yr old. Success!
Julio Urias, Marcell Ozuna, and Aroldis Chapman went on a threeman using their fists. Aroldis had to play with her boobs before beating her though. Success!
Manny Machado and Nolan Omni Man both went straight for Elizabeth Olsen, but they lowkey had to battle it out for her love. Meanwhile, Matt Olson was going up to women and asking "Has Freddie ever hit?" When the 1st women said no, Matt blew her back out. Freddie never did that.
Kyle Tucker was struggling to rizz, as all he could do was tell the girls he was a fan of Gracie Abrams. In his head, Justin Tucker told him to let him take over and rape the massage girls. Kyle relented, leading to Justin going wild. Success!
It was not going well for everyone, as Xander Boogers was eliminated quickly. He got peppersprayed because he sucked ass. Dodgers pitcher Tyler MadeofGlassnow shattered into pieces upon getting pegged. Failure.
Bryce Harper and the Phillies ran a train on Aubrey Plaza, saying it was in honor of her dead husband. Success!
Andrew McCutchen eventually crashed out, unable to rizz anyone besides furries. He screamed "FURRIES" as he got sex'd by wolf costume people. Success!
Jarren Duran was struggling to get laid because he opened up emotionally on Netflix and now every girl got the ick. He tried one last time to rizz, or else he would really do it this time. He approached a slightly goth looking girl, and told her cool things like he can turn into a dancing alligator. She very politely said that was cool, and then Jarren told her he was gunna go end it. What Duran was about to find out was she has Tourette's. Suddenly, her voice ticked and she blurted out "Fucking Faggot!" OHHH! I JUST DIED IN YOUR ARMS TONIGHT! They had amazing homophobic sex. Success!
Chris Taylor stood in the room, trying to get his dick going. He kept thinking about Alph main getting trucked, but it wasn't workng. When all hope seemed lost, he remembered he still had a "phone a friend." Becky G came and gave him head so good he almost cried. Success!
Adley Rutschman & Gunnar Henderson started a Yogurt Sigma Sigma frat party in the middle of the room, but he only invited obvious white people. He made an exception for his jewish friend Dean Creamer, because Dean gave him the 2020's history test answers. Despite multiple noise complaints, all the white boys fucked baddies. Success!
Manny Machado and Omni Man continued to fight, as Paul Skenes lowkey wanted to die because Livvy Dunne was now making out with every guy too. Skenes decided to go else where for sex, and was touched by a 70 yr old cougar. Success, Maybe? He didn't look too happy.
O'Neil Cruz got rizzy, telling the women how he killed 3 people in the dominican republic, while Tim Anderson already fucked his 8th baby mamma. He was just going for the fun of the game now.
Cole from Ninjago was struggling, particularly because a specific guard with a penis mask was cockblocking him constantly. Cole attempted to rizz Nya, but Bauer behind the mask wouldn't stop mentioning Cole's micropenis. Everything was going according to Bauer's plan until a gay ass goblin rizzed up Cole, and they had gay ass goblin sex in front of Bauer. Although he was pissed, Bauer watched the entire thing because it turned him on.
Pookie Betts was feeling cooked, because there were only women and not men. However, Kike Hernandez called out for him in the distance, wanting to fuck his bro. The 2 ran to each other, but Kike started getting swarmed by 10/10 baddies and was taken away. He cried out for his homie Mookie, while the Aphrodite level girls rode him. A very sad success for Kike, and a failure for Pookie. Some men drown where others die of thirst.
Mike Trout found Shohei and his interpreter, ready to fight them for gambling all his money away. Ippei spoke to trout while Ohtani PLOWED his wife, telling Trout that "Once we win this money we can gamble it and then pay u back with our winnings." Trout was still furious, threatening to delete draftkings off Ippeis phone. Ippei told him "Man I'm just the interpreter go talk to Shohei." Shohei finished with his wife, and offered her to both Ippei and Trout. The Japanese are very generous people.
Brandon Nimmo and Marcass Stroman held a political debate in the room. Nimmo rode with the slogan "Your body. My Choice." while Stroman rode with the slogan "All white people should die." Surprisingly, all the baddies support Nimmo because Stroman was short and also Nimmo had a gun aimed at them. Nimmo succeeded, while Stroman left saying "If I was white I would have won this whole game! Ain't that right Tim?" Anderson had just finished with his 23rd baby mamma, still going for the love of the game.
Josh Hater and Josh Allen became fast friends, screaming the n word as loudly as possible. However, their friendship ended quickly as Hailee Steinfeld brought a black friend to have sex with Hater. Hader felt disrespected, and told Allen "Don't call. Don't talk to me. We're done." Hader joined the other Houston Asstrhoes as they raped cowgirls. Success!
LJ Hoes shot himself in the bathroom.
Javy Baez couldn't be more happy this round, as he had all the 0/10's to himself. His friend Mr Kris Bryant rizzed up baddies with well taken photos of their crotch. Success!
Giancarlo Stanton and Cody Bellinger got into a heated rivalry over Bellinger's wife, who REALLY dated Stanton before. Giancarlo uttered watch this, and she immediately fell back in love with him. This came at the expense of his back which crumbled like dust. Cody didn't really care, as he was hallucinating ancient deities. The guards weren't sure whether to count Bellinger humping the ground as a success, but they gave it to him anyway because why not.
Jose Siri forgot he killed Hawk Tuah, but he was able to settle on Harley Quinn who did cartwheels and backflips on it. Luigi had no trouble finding lovers, as shooting a rich guy is the most attractive thing you can do. Success!
Juan Soto was lucky enough to find an avocado farmer, and she let him fuck the avocados. Blake Snell was able to have E-sex with Pokimane, who dressed up as Hope from Fortnite for him. Jurickson Profar found a baddie, but he said he "needed" more steroids to fuck her. He was banned from MLB another 60 years in exchange for 8 seconds of sex. Sucess!
Manny Machado finally beat Omni Man after punching him HARD in the urethra. Nolan rage quit on the spot and flew home to beat up Invincible or something idk I never watched it. Manny finally achieved his life goal when he stuck it in Elizabeth Olsen and she let out a "PURE CHAOSSSSSSSS!"
The only 2 left were Korean sexy boys Jung Hoo Lee and Ha Seong Kim. Lee was lowkey the crypto guy from season 2, so he was able to pull the pregnant girl easily. Ha Seong then told Lee that, since he's the newest shortstop of the Tampa Ray Rays, he needed the fetus. Kim made Wander very proud.
Post Nut Clarity[edit | edit source]
85 players remained after the 2nd game, but only 84 penises remained. Players went through precautionary AIDS tests before being returned to the bunker. The Deep congratulated all the winners with a Hershey's Kiss, and then told them the next game was in 2 minutes. Eric Hosmer was upset that every padre survived, but not as upset as Matt was when he found out Freddie survived. Kyle Tucker regained control of his body, only to find himself drenched in piss. Cody Bellinger burst into a sprint across the room, before screaming "RED LIGHT" and stopping. Everybody thought he was just being high af, but Shohei Ohtani got spooked out.
The Deep returned to the VIP room and was ecstatic that Megan Turner, sister of Trea Turner, brought Pizzos for everybody. Black Noir insisted that Spongebob and Squidward needed food too, saying they were threatening to cut his ass off. Trevor Bauer told Noir that they could have his slices, because he was on his diheriod and needed to leave. Tony Ohtani said he was gunna come with Bauer, but he told him to stay and hang out with Diddy Kong. Diddy lubed up Ohtani and had his way with him.
Trevor went back down the grotto, but he got a call from his mom that initiated a 15 minute unskipable cutscene. Bauer found the supe killing virus again, and he quickly called over the one blind superhero from the boys. Bauer told him "Guess What" before throwing the virus on him and saying "Chicken Butt!" The blind guy disintegrated like Ms Sacket. Suddenly, Bauer heard Tony Ohtani shout as loud as he could "THEY FOUND US AGAIN BRO!" It took Ohtani and the guards half an hour to reach Bauer, but when they caught him they didn't know he kept the virus with him...
One More Game![edit | edit source]
GAME 3: Flesh Light[edit | edit source]
The 85 players entered a giant field, with a giant child robot standing in the back. I cannot describe how hard Wander got. The Deep through the speakers told the players they were simply gunna play red light, green light. This was meant to be the easiest game, except for one player.
Eric Hosmer went up to Manny Machado, asking to borrow his deodorant before shit talking the Padres for 10 minutes. Machado would have punched Hosmer, but he had just broken his fists after losing in FEH. He broke his phone too. Also his laptop but that was unrelated. The robot shouted the first "Green Light!" and players started to move forward. Wander creamed on the spot.
The robot shouted "Red Light!" and people stopped. Shohei Ohtani from the front of the crowd shouted "Stop! Follow my lead!" Nobody listened though because Ippei was pickpocketing him as he talked. Josh Allen needed to piss rlly bad, so he aimed it at Luigi and unloaded, all without moving. Tim Anderson told O'Neil Cruz he was gunna make it to the finish line in one go. O'Neil asked him if he was gunna run faster than the car he was in that killed 3 people in the Dominican republic. "Green Light!"
Tim pretended the cops were after him, and sprinted all the way to the finish line. Success! He was awarded with a watermelon. "Red Light!" Anderson kept running anyway cuz he doesn't follow the law. From the VIP stands, the Blonde Barista turned to ask the Deep if she could do it now. He had no pants on.
"Green Light!" Fernando Titties decided to activate his motorjets and zoom to the finish line. Trea Turner, brother of Megan Turner, had Bryce Harper piggy back on him and then used his super speed to reach the end. They celebrated by shitting on Hughes kids. Matt Olson was deliberately standing directly in front of Freddie Freeman the entire time, as Cole from Ninjago realized somebody put cement bricks in his shoes. "Red Light!"
Eric Hosmer stood there confidently touching his weiner, until somebody in the back shouted "Hey look, a snail!" So this is christmas...
"Green Light!" Hosmer ran at full speed but only managed to move 2 inches before "Red Light!" Emmanuel the snail ignored every other player, and kept moving for Eric. Tommy Evan Pham and Jarren Duran both crossed the finish line, as they both wanted to beat up the same fan that was shit talking them. Shohei Ohtani gave up trying to save everyone, so he just teleported to the end.
The next green light happened when the snail was inches away from Hosmer, and he ran all the way to the finish line. Well, he was stopped one micrometer from the finish line. The Blonde Barista turned to the Deep, telling him to not have any more green lights. He had his dick in hand now.
Unlike Hosmer, Wander made it past the line and started to hump the robot. Giancarlo said "Watch This" and was able to run quickly past the line. Both his feet fell off. Mike Trout managed to tackle Ippei over the finish line, asking him "wheres my money!" Ippei said "just let me hit this parlay."
After roughly 45 minutes without a green light, Hosmer accepted his fate. Emmanuel got closer and closer, and Hosmer decided to shout "I hope you know the Blonde Barista is bushy down there!" The Deep put his pants back on. Emmanuel went up one of Hosmer's holes, and he was eliminated.
The Robot said "Green Light!" and never said red light again. This let Juan Soto take his time, as he ate 5 tons of guacamole along the way to the finish line. Julio finally reached the end, and started to punch the robot. However, he was stopped by Wander who said "Stop beating my gf!"
The last person to cross the line was Cody Bellinger, who had got stuck high in the middle of the field and was crying loudly. "His suitcase is in the other hand now! Please believe me!" he shouted as the guards dragged him by the dick to the finish line.
Traitor[edit | edit source]
In the VIP room, Bauer planned to poison the Deep by putting the supe virus in his Fresca. However, before the Deep came back, Tony Ohtani decided to drink the Fresca instead. Bauer lost his shit as Ohtani got unforgivable diarrhea. The Deep returned and told Black Noir that Homelander needed them, as Homelander wanted the 2 of them to lowkey assassinate Firecracker. The Deep promised he would smash her first, while Noir was being told "I know your secret" by Gumball and Darwin.
The Deep told Diddy Kong he was in charge until he got back. Diddy proceeded to take Megan Turner, sister of Trea Turner, to the backrooms and force her to eat a banana in front of him (for sexual diddy reasons). Suddenly, the Blonde Barista rushed to the Deep's control panel and activated the emergency vote. She only wanted to kill Hosmer, and now wanted to free everyone else. Trevor Bauer was forced to look up from his insta reels, and he was rlly pissed cuz he was watching one with a goon corner.
Bauer wasn't about to let a woman stop his plans of greatness, so he began to moonwalk over to her. However, the Blonde Barista pulled out a job application and Bauer quivered in fear. However, the blonde barista only gave an opportunity for escape. Will the players take it, or will they jerk it with Reese?
I PLAYED THESE GAMES BEFORE[edit | edit source]
The baseballers had to stop spooning each other when they saw guards entering the room with 2 big buttons. They were told to vote whether to keep playing, or go home to their chopped families. The vote started off being very split. Wander voted to keep playing because he was devoted to his new robot child gf, while Adley Rutschman voted to leave because he forgot he had to go submit his Aquatic Mammals final by 11:59pm. Kike Hernandez voted to stay because he liked sleeping in the same bed as his bros, while Gavin Shitz voted to leave because he really needed to take a shit.
Kyle Tucker really wanted to leave because his family was worried sick about his whereabouts, but Justin Tucker wanted to stay because he wanted more massages from the octopus. Justin has better reasoning so he ended up picking stay for BOTH of them. Freddie Freeman voted to leave because he missed his kids, and then right after Matt Olson voted to stay because "I'm not a pussy like Freddie."
Things started to shift in favor of staying when Bryce Harper and the pillows all voted to stay, claiming "we can't abandon this mission." Jarren Duran voted to stay because he knew if he went home, he would end it. However, he began stopping other players from voting to leave.
"You must be a dancing alligator if you think I'm voting to stay!" ... The vote became very skewed.
Suddenly, Shohei Ohtani burst out loud "I PLAYED THESE GAMES BEFOREEEEE!" Everyone turned to him. Shohei began explaining to everyone that he's played the shid games before, and that they needed to leave immediately or else they would all be touched beyond recovery. The problem is that Shohei could only say this in Japanese, and relied on his interpreter.
The interpreter said "Uh Shohei says he played this game before and that if u win they give u unlimited gambling money!" Shohei cried because the rest of the players voted to stay, and the games would continue.
The Blonde Barista was in shock that these IDIOTS chose to keep playing the games. Trevor Bauer tried gaslighting the barista into thinking she owed him a footjob now, but she instead poured hot coffee up his ass and made a run for it. She was caught by Deep and Noir who had just got back from getting their asses kicked by Firecracker. The Deep let Noir, Finn, Jake, Bubblegum, and the Ice King have their way with the barista.
Apex Clans[edit | edit source]
GAME 4: MLB RIVALS[edit | edit source]
The Deep returned to the players and flexed to them his Lord Icon. Players were confused though because his lord icon was just his normal portrait flipped the other way. Regardless, this was meant to introduce to the players that the next game was MLB Rivals. The Deep began to read out the seating chart to determine the teams, but the players argued to pick their own teams. After they promised not to be a disturbance, the Deep let them pick their teams.
Shohei Ohtani quickly forgave Ippei for literally ruining everything, and let him be his co captain. Shohei also added his dodger japanese jerkmate Yoshi Yamamoto, who was rlly good at throwing Eggs and also making Kai mad in smash. Ohtani wanted to keep his team pure bred, but Jung Hoo Lee was literally the purple hair guy from s2. He said "Imma legend Thanos!" which convinced Ohtani to let him and Ha Seong Kim join. Still needing a tank, Ohtani found the perfect candidate when he spotted Reese jerking it in his bed.
Wander and his friends were only at 5 players, consisting of him Siri Josh Julio and Luigi. Josh and Julio could tank, with Wander and Siri being healers, and Luigi was dps because he could hit crazy headshots. They still needed another...
Meanwhile, Tim Anderson assembled the "Faith Club" consisting of players who were invisible at night. The Red Sex players made an alliance with the Pittsburgh Furries to make their team "Red Furry Sex." Chrid Taylor got all of the Doggers together to make a team, praying that they forgot he wasn't a doggr anymore.
Matt Olson took it upon himself to help out all the players who couldn't find teams. Whenever a new player joined him, he would tell them "Freddie never let you be on his team, did he?" Matt also took tons of steroids supplied by Jurickson Profar, because Freddie didn't do that.
The Paddies Yankeers and AstrHoes kept their teams in house, but Yogurt Sigma Sigma held frat interviews to determine who would be on their team. Adley and Gunnar's team already consisted of Ryan Newcastle, who had gifted them thick ahh Loba skins. Also Dean Creamer, because he was supplying the frat with answers to their Jamaican Music class.
Juan Soto assembled the Mets its all about the Mets baby Mets, with the power of guacamole friendship. Bryce Harper already had the pillows ready, with new pillow Jesus Lizardo being their strategist because he was a literal lizard. Adley and Gunnar picked the 1st of their 2 new frat boys to be Mackenzie Vore, who showed them an oddly satisfying video that made their weiners hard. They also interviewed Paul Skenes to join the frat, but after Skenes said he broke up with Livvy Dunne they broke all contact with him.
Christian FREAKlich made a team of FREAKS which freaked out the league. Wander and friends thought they wouldn't find a teammate until they ran into Tommy Evan Pham, who told them he just wanted to fuck somebody up. Julio was in awe at Tommy, because he was able to beat both Men and Women. Adley and Gunnar found their other new addition, Nick Kurtz, after Kurtz recorded them mispronouncing his name and threatened to get them expelled.
Mike Trout was depressed, not only because he still didn't get his money back, but because his team was literally just the leftovers. Trout had Kyle Tucker as his second in command, hoping that his experience with Khonshu would help. Unfortunately, anytime Justin Tucker took over all he would do is think about grape. The rest of his team consisted of abandoned pillows pitcher Aaron Nola and his autistic brother Austin Nola, Cal "fatass" Dumptruck, and Mr Kris Bryant who was just doing anything to avoid his students at this point. They were the underdawgs, because they were projected to a combined 0-180.
Shinmigami Tensei vs Faith Club[edit | edit source]
The Deep called for the first 2 groups to fight, Ohtani's dog lovers vs Anderson's watermelon lovers. Tim gave out ski masks to his team, but he noticed a white guy on his team. "Ay Bruh who is this guy!" Black guy Marcus Semen told Anderson that was his friend Corey Sagger. Sagger told Anderson he was rlly comfortable saying the n word, so he thought he belonged. Tim lowkey didn't care and gave him a ski mask as well. He then prepared a rally speech, saying they would run O block after this. O'Neil Cruz got fired up ready to kill more people, in addition to the three people he killed in the dominican republic.
Shohei used his military training to devise a scheme to win, but Jung Hoo Lee was literally the trans person from s2, so he also had good military skills. He also wanted to chop his dick off. Yoshi Yamamoto was in charge of supplying Ippei with monopoly money to ensure he didn't gamble any of their actual funds. Shohei's plan was to leave Reese in the middle of the map, where he would jerk it violently and distract the faith club. From there, Ha Seong Kim would Drive (2011) them around the back and they would go for the squad wipe.
The Deep called for the battle to begin, and the gates opened! Ohtani quickly time teleported with Reese, and left him in the middle of the arena feeling fresh. Ohtani spotted the faith club riding in on stolen cars. They started shooting their rifles at Ohtani, but he hid behind Reese who was basically invincible while rubbing one out.
Ha Seong and Jung Hoo drove up to the faith clubs spawn, and left Yoshi and Ippei there to infiltrate. Ippei was hoping to gamble away all of their funds, but Tim left behind Marcus Semen and Corey Sagger. Yoshi told Ippei he would hold them off while he gambles, but he was hit by a cum shot from Marcus Semen. "My niga that was so rad!" said Corey Sagger.
Jung Hoo Lee was still literally the trans person, so he was in a tactical shootout with George Solar and Amir Garrett (there also black). Ha Seong Kim drove around back to pick up Shohei, who was holding his breath from Reese's stank. Tim ordered O'Neil Cruz to purchase upgrades to their weapons, but O'Neil told him they ran out of money. Anderson was in absolute shock.
Yoshi figured out how to counter Marcus Semen, by eating his cumshots and turning them into cum eggs. This gave Ippei the time to gamble all of their money away. Yoshi then used his final smash on Marcus and Corey, but instead of summoning a stampede of yoshis he summoned a stampede of short asian men.
Jung Hoo Lee focused on how badly he wanted to become a women, and was able to snipe the blackies he was fighting. Shohei, Ha Seong, and Reese stole a motorcycle and started driving away. O'Neil Cruz saw the three people on a motorcycle, and thought "alright lets do this one last time." O'Neil broke the speed limit chasing after the 3, but Shohei got an idea. He intertwined the 3 of their dicks, before driving the motorcycle straight to a brick wall. Ha Seong was scared shitless, while Reese got upset because he accidently kept jerking Ohtani's weiner. With Cruz right behind them, Ohtani time teleported the 3 of them just before they crashed. O'Neil got destroyed when he crashed into the wall, sad he failed to kill 3 people here unlike when he was successful killing 3 people in the dominican republic.
Tim Anderson became hella pissed, and charged at Shohei with a switchblade in hand. Ohtani was saved when Ippei hit Tim with a rock and stole his wallet. Shohei told Ippei he earned this one, as Ippei lost all the money in milliseconds.
Shinmigami Tensei wins!
Side Quests[edit | edit source]
While the LA Dogshitters and Houston Hoes battled, Trevor Bauer forcefully took Tony Ohtani with him to the bunkers again. Ohtani needed to resupply the supe virus he drank, while Bauer went to go watch cp on an island 3 hours away. As Tony started pocketing more of the virus, guards came and surrounded him. With no where to hide, Ohtani immediately opened his phone and called Bauer saying "They found me AND YOU bro! They're currently on their way to that super hidden island southwest from here bro."
The guards apprehended Bauer before he could finish, but they let Ohtani be free because he was honest about finding them BOTH. Trevor was whipped mercilessly, but Tony Ohtani had a huge smile because he saved one of the 5 virus tubes for Bauer (He drank the other 4 and got agonizing kidney stones). The 2 were able to catch the end of the battle, when Kike Hernandez platonically raped Josh Hater for the Doggers win. Chris Taylor celebrated with his team "Lets go other fellow Dodgers! I sure do love being a Dodger still!"
The third battle took place between Yogurt Sigma Sigma and the Pillowdelphia Samuels. What was originally set to be a good matchup turned into a slaughter as Yogurt Sigma Sigma was frat-level drunk. Gunnar Henderson accidently bought fent laced beer with 120% additional alcohol, and they couldn't even recite the alphabet forwards. Even worse, Ryan Newcastle was deleted from existence after Apex Legends had it's servers shut down (no one plays it).
The Deep and Black Noir had a solid life talk while Bryce Harper pounded Dean Creamer from the back. The Deep asked Noir why he isn't a Homelander clone, and Noir responded saying the comics are bad and that anyone who read the comics should watch the show because its much better than the comics and anyone who says they wont watch the show because they read the comics is cringe. Jesus Lizardo began to eat Mackenzie Vore alive, which made him cream on the spot.
Nick Kurtz was scared shitless, not because of the Pillows but because he couldn't remember if he submitted a 1 paragraph essay work 110% of his grade. Adley Rutschman had to give him a pep talk "Listen here Nig Gurtz! F students like us, were the inventors! We're so fucking creative!" Nick had enough motivation to charge Kyle Schwarbomb, but Kyle sat on his face and crushed his skull. Gunnar and Adley tried to make a run for it, but they were found by Trea Turner, brother of Megan Turner. Trea said he would let them live if they could write a 1-0-0, but sadly they were literally both agent triple 0. They were slimed, but not before becoming the first 2 students to achieve a negative GPA.
CP Freaks vs Red Furry Sex[edit | edit source]
The next matchup prepared between Wander's child predators and Duran's flying people. Jarren lowkey added another reason to the list because Aroldis Chapman and Marcell Ozuna said they could only punch women. Andrew McCutchen was still tweaking out about furries, and Alex Breadman was chomping on his 7th breadroll of the minute. Paul Skenes flat out said he couldn't fight because he got back together with Livvy Dunne, and she wanted to play roblox with him for 83 hours. Duran started looking for the nearest noose.
Jose Siri prepared 50 liters of laughing gas, while Josh Allen hyped himself up playing his new favorite Kanye song. Wander looked at the picture of his lover he kept in his wallet (it was a sonogram). Luigi said he wanted the richest enemy all to himself, but Julio said he had a similar predicament to Chapman and Ozuna. Tommy Evan Pham said he just wanted to fuck somebody up.
The gates opened and Tommy Pham charged at Chapman and Ozuna, and began beating them to a pulp. Julio studied Pham's fighting techniques, but when he tried to punch Alex Breadman, he fell to the ground and broke his right pelvis bone. Luckily, Josh came in for the clutch and tackled Breadman so hard he got a stage 11 concussion. Josh Allen celebrated by yelling "Ya Bitch I'm the Villain!"
Luigi used a Tanooki leaf and went searching for the richest players. He passed by Paul Skenes who had now reignited his love with Livvy Dunne. Luigi appreciated young love and decided to let him be, but Tommy Pham rushed in and started beating Paul because "No one gets to be happy here." Luigi eventually found Andrew McCutchen, and he started tweaking seeing the Tanooki suit. "NOOO MORE FURRIES" Luigi didn't keep him suffering, choosing to shoot him in the head.
Wander and friends couldn't find Duran, who was currently flying high in the air to avoid being seen. However, he spotted Josh Allen getting too close to his "Fuck Em" lotion bottles and flew down to stop him. He got immediately jumped by the goons, but Jarren started pleading for his life. Tommy Pham, who was still unaware of the thing, said
"You must be a dancing alligator if you think I'm not beating you up!" ... well shit.
Wander started to have an inner monologue to himself. "I'm a pedophile, Josh's a nazi, Julio's a wifebeater, Luigi's a rich killer. You know what were missing? A homophobe!" Wander stared at Siri, his friend of 10 years, and Pham, the guy he met yesterday. Wander decided hawk tuah needed to be left in 2024.
Siri, too busy thinking about sloppy toppy, was caught off guard when Wander yelled "YOU. SIRI. OUT!" and knocked him to the ground. Wander told him he was sorry, but Joker 2 was rlly ass. Wander went up to Jarren and gave him a tennis racket. Duran was confused, but Wander told him he had a secret. He whispered in Duran's ear "I heard Siri likes boyssss." That was all he needed to say, and Jarren started beating Siri to a pulp with the tennis racket. Wander welcomed him to the team, as the CP Freaks moved on.
A Whole Debacle[edit | edit source]
As the Better Than Freddies prepared to face the Avocados, Trevor Bauer went for his 2nd assassination attempt. He spotted the Deep doing what he does in the insta gif, and started to approach him with the virus. Suddenly, Megan Turner, sister of Trea Turner, burst into the room screaming Diddy Kong died. She said there was 5 monkeys jumping on her bed, and he was the 5th monkey. The Deep, still railing a sea creature, ordered Bauer to go clean up the mess. Bauer was gunna refuse, but then he saw it was his day for cleaning duties on the group calendar. He would have to wait another day...
Matt Olson began to show his team their plan for victory. Well, what he showed them was the plan Freddie Freeman used to win his matchup, and then said they were gunna do the exact opposite because Freddie never did that. Matt Chapstick said that was stupid because Freddie's plan was already rlly good. Matt Olson said "Don't ever fucking speak to me again." Jurickson Profar gave Olson more steroids. The rest of his team consisted of Javy Baez, who was daydreaming about the chopped girl from You s5. They also had Dylan Cease who had a beautiful moustache as well as CJ (Cunt Junkie) Abrams.
The gates opened and the team charged, but they were greeted with an immediate victory. Juan Soto had supplied the team with rotten avocados, and they were all vomiting out their organs. At least they were able to do a vomit job with it. Matt congratulated his team saying "See guys! Freddie never could have pulled something like this off!"
The 2nd to last battle was between the FREAKS and the Leftovers. Christian FREAKlich believed he assembled a good team, while Mike Trout was tryna devise a plan to not only win this game, but also get his money back from Ippei. He couldn't think of anything, distracted by Kyle Tucker blasting Charli XCX music and also Cal Dumptrucks fat fucking ass. Aaron Nola asked Trout if he had a pair of headphones so that his brother Austin would stop screaming at the top of his lungs. That's when Trout noticed the fidget spinner in Austin's hands. He had a plan, but he needed help.
Mike went up to Kyle Tucker, who was singing too passionately to Taste by Sabrina Carpenter. Trout said he needed the other guy, but Kyle got upset saying he would fist another smurf. After some convincing, Kyle let Justin take over and he immediately asked for the massage therapist. Trout told him he needed his kicking skills, but Justin said all he had left was his dicking skills. Mike gave him a pep talk, "Think about the amazing massage you will get after this. I believe in you." Justin finally accepted, but still said he needed a warm up jerk.
It took Trout another 6 hours to prepare, as he needed to do vigorous trigonometry and Justin still needed to jerk. Just before the gates opened, Trout took Austin's fidget spinner and knocked him unconscious before he could scream. Christian FREAKlich and company charged once the gates opened, and Trout yelled "now!" Mr Kris Bryant unleashed an eye melting camera flash on the opponents and yelled "This is so much better than teaching those fuckass eastlake kids!" Justin Tucker then kicked the fidget spinner at 800mph and it began to snipe all the enemies, insta killing them. The team all took cover behind Cal Dumptrucks indestructible ass of steel.
The Leftovers shocked the VIP's with their comeback victory, and Mike Trout immediatly went after Ippei again asking "where's my money?" Ippei said he gambled it away because he lowkey thought he was gunna lose. Before Trout could punch his testicle, the Deep called for the final match.
Daddies vs Yankeers[edit | edit source]
Manny Machado gathered all the Padres around and started explaining the plan which was to just punch the Yankees alot. Jackson Merrill said he needed subway surfers playing in the background, and maybe family guy clips too. Fernando Titties Jr used his built in projectors to play subway surfers, until Joe Musgrove accidently spilled his cup on Titties and he started to short circuit. Jackson Merrill was forced to go back on his phone and stop paying attention to Machado. Gavin Shitz started to shit on the floor and Manny raged, telling him to use the bathroom. Gavin said he couldn't because Luis Arraez had been in the bathroom for 6 hours.
Manny broke down the bathroom door and saw Arraez od'd on fent, with a bat up his ass. Machado yelled "WTF BRO!" Jackson Merrill livestreamed Arraez's body, hoping to become insta famous. The Daddies started to think they were cooked, but they didn't know what was happening on the Yankeers side.
The Yankers were having group sex when a guard with a penis mask joined them. Aaron Judge had to call time out and asked the guard what he was doing, and the guard said he needed to talk to Cole from Ninjago privately. Once they were alone, Bauer took off his mask and popped a pimple in front of Cole. Cole got hella angry, and told Bauer to leave him alone. Bauer aimed his gun at Cole and forced him to jerk it, while he laughed maniacally. Trevor eventually got bored, and ended up raping Cole, then killing him, then raping him again, blending the body up, raping him a third time, and then raping his goblin lover to. Bauer was awarded a nobel prize.
Machado tried to think of a new plan, but he couldn't stop thinking about how the femboy he hired was already ran through. The daddies heard a noise from the other room, and spotted Cody Bellinger faded af saying "Brooo theres gotta be like 50 anomalies in here." Titties jr was ready to dissect Bellinger, but Machado lowkey thought he could make him switch teams.
"Hey bro your a Padre."
"What... but I hate the Dads."
"No you don't"
"Your damn fucking right. Whats good gang!"
With Cody now on the team, the New Mexicans fell to only 4 players. This was not enough for garlic phone. The battle began and Machado started to punch Aaron Judge, but he was too strong and was able to give Manny a 5 minute sentence for manslaughter. Gavin Shitz tried to shit on Giancarlo Stanton, but after Stanton said "Watch This." Gavin could no longer open his asshole. This came the expense of Stanton's own asshole which crumbled like dust. Jackson Merrill took the opportunity alone to crack the femboy again while playing BTD, BUT NOT IN THE DORMROOM.
Fernando Titties Jr took Cody Bellinger with him around back for the sneak attack. Titties asked Bellinger how they could defeat them, but Bellinger was too busy singing "now your just somebody that I used to know!" before crying uncontrollably and pissing himself. Bellinger started to yell out "I promise that door wasn't there before!" Fernando used his built in pepper spray to make Bellinger lock in, and asked him why he was singing that song. Cody said it was the Yankee's group sex song, but he wouldn't know because he only fucks his weed pile. Titties got a momentous idea.
Joe Musgrove drank out of his cup, and was able to solo Tyler Nutsack and Paul Goldschitz. However, his cup juices couldn't help him pinch Stanton in the waist. Giancarlo said "watch this" and launched Musgrove 80 yards. Aaron Judge sentenced Gavin Shitz to 1 hour without shitting, and his ass started to break apart. Manny was able to land a solid punch on Aaron Judge, being fueled with anger that the Yankees couldn't beat the dodgers in the world series. However, Judge was able to retaliate by sentencing Manny to 1 minute without thinking about Elizabeth Olsen. Manny lost his will to live.
Judge and Stanton were about to go slime Jackson Merrill to seal the victory, but they started to hear the intro to Somebody that I used to know playing. The 2 started to undress each other, because they were like pavlov's dawg and immediately knew it was time for group sex. However, it was not Somebody that I used to know playing.
ANXIETYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Judge and Stanton's eardrums exploded and their earlobes melted away. Titties Jr took the opportunity to pour petrol on them while Manny started pissing on them. This led to a nuclear reaction for the win. The daddies celebrated their victory by cracking the femboy.
PizzoPizzeria[edit | edit source]
Bauer was trying to make a juice filled with the super virus and his ball sweat, with Tony Ohtani behind him complaining about US prices. After killing Cole from Ninjago, Bauer lost his purpose in life and lowkey wanted to go home and punch a kitten. Tony Ohtani told him he should become an uber driver, so that he could pick up strangers and drive them wherever he wanted. Bauer said that wasn't a bad idea, but he wanted to make sure his car could not be opened from the inside. Megan Turner, sister of Trea Turner, then walked in and said she needed a ride to Pizzos for her date with Dameon De La Parra, brother-in-law of Trea Turner.
Ohtani hyped his pal up for his first uber ride, and Bauer was excited to take Megan to his dungeons. Trevor told Ohtani to go give the deep his poison as he left with Megan Turner, wife of Trea Turner's brother-in-law. Tony went to the Deep's room, but walked into the middle of a drug binging session between the Deep and Black Noir. Ohtani's mom said he wasn't allowed to talk to black people, so he started to leave but the Deep invited him to takes copious amounts of LSD with them. Deep was so faded his mind intertwined with Cody Bellinger's in the astral plane, and he started hallucinating the Dodger locker room showers. Black Noir was confessing his love to Teen Titans Go Starfire, while Teen Titans Go Robin was getting digged in. Tony eventually fell to peer pressure and he started jerking it violently (he didn't take any drugs).
Anomalies[edit | edit source]
From the lobby, all the remaining players watched the Deep and Black Noir on the jumbrotron being extremely faded. The Deep started rambling about how starlight is lowkey getting unchopped, but he also said to Noir "twin if those gay asses downstairs twin lowkey twin started a revolution twin we're lowkey fucked twin." Noir passed out and started to hover in the air.
Bryce Harper began to gather the pillows, and told them they were gunna take over the island and start the samuel games. He ordered that everyone else help him, but the Doggers refused, prefering to defer their battle until 2090. Since the daddies are the doggers bitches, they were forced to listen to their orders. Shohei joined the pillows in order to stop the Deep, because he played these games before. Ippei didn't join Shohei tho because he placed a bet for over 8 games played. Josh Allen convinced Julio, Luigi, and Tommy Pham to join the revolution, promising that he had a sick ass song he was gunna play. Finally, Matt Olson noticed Freddie Freeman didn't join, so he volunteered himself. He said "I will join the revolution because Freddie never did." Just before they set out, Cody Bellinger ran straight up to Josh Allen and screamed "WHATEVER YOU DO. DONT TALK TO THE GUY IN THE CORNER!" Josh, who was lowkey scared of people on drugs, told Cody "If he's black you know damn well I ain't talking to him."
The group of maybe 13 or so idfk set out to stop the Deep and his sexual fantasies. Little did they know, many corridors stood in their way...
GAME 5: CORRIDOR[edit | edit source]
The Deep snapped out of his high when a starfish started giving him teeth. He noticed the shitters enter Hallway 0, thoroughly investigating the details of the room. The Deep was in absolute shock that they knew the game already. He told Noir and Tony Ohtani to go intercept them along the hallways, while he charged his ult...
The gang reached the end of Hallway 0, but there were 3 separate doors with 3 different symbols. One had a snake, one had a cloud, and one had a sign that said "Freddie never took this door." Matt immediately bolted through door 3, saying it was the obvious choice. Shohei and Yoshi followed him in, scared that if he was left alone Matt would get a nose bleed. Bryce took the pillows through the door with a snake, because he wanted to kill snakes (they eat mice and tennis balls). That left Josh and gang to go through the middle door, but before they entered Josh started playing the new Kanye song at full blast.
The pillows entered the hallway and started noticing small differences like the signs being flipped and there being less cameras. The guy with the briefcase looked the same, except for the fact that he was making the "ZAMN!" face. The anomalies started to pile on, after Jesus Lizardo pointed out that the percentage of insects in the room decreased 3%. Trea Turner, brother of Megan Turner, read an essay taped to the wall and detailed it had less complexity than before. The gang eventually found the last anomaly, a note on the wall with a picture of Invincible and 2 pictures of Jarren Duran. Bryce told Trea to decode it using his analysis skills, and then Trea eventually came to the conclusion...
WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN SAY...MY NAME!
The invisible guy (my friend) sprung from the walls and one shotted Trea Turner, brother of Megan Turner, turning him into a dick kid. The other pillows tried to run away but they couldn't escape...
HAS THE MEMORY GONE ARE YOU FEELING NUMB
Jesus Lizardo tried to camoflauge into the wall, but my friend jumped back into the wall and raped him mercilessly. Bryce Harper tried to start putting the anomalies into the machine, but he didn't have the portable counter becuz he wasted his coins on the useless pocket watch. The invisible guy shredded him to pieces, completing the squad wipe. He peacefully went back into the wall, waiting patiently for HyperCobra10.
They don't understand the things I say on twitter[edit | edit source]
Josh, Julio, Luigi, and Pham entered the hallway, on the lookout for someone to beat. Josh got an immediate heart attack when he peaked the corner and saw a black guy staring at him before disappearing (it WAS a racial thing). They kept moving forward, not noticing many anomalies. Julio got irritated and started punching one of the posters with a woman on it. Josh was already on his 80th play of HH, and Luigi was getting irritated telling him to turn it off. Josh refused, saying it was peak. Luigi tried getting a second opinion by asking the guy with the briefcase, but suddenly he pointed a gun at Luigi and frantically asked him "Are you an anomaly?!"
Luigi answered "Honestly maybe, like I'm the only fictional guy in the games. Everyone else is an athlete or something"
Josh tried to empower his friend "Nah bro you an athlete you go crazy in Mario Sluggers. Speaking of which when is the new mario baseball coming out?"
Luigi said "Brooo I been trying to tell Nintendo but they're too busy with like..."
"YOUR AN ANOMALY" screamed the guy with a briefcase and Luigi got shot point blank in the head. Ironic. Black Noir came around the corner, and Josh screamed "HE'S BLACK!" Noir said that Mordecai and Rigby wanted them all dead. Josh put the song on 200 volume, and charged into battle screaming "All my nigas nazis niga hei hitler!"
Tommy Pham went in as backup, but Julio stood completely still because there was no woman to punch. The Deep saw this on the camera, and decided now was a good time. Julio said "Why do I hear a conch shell?" A giant whale crashed down from the ceiling and demolished Julio. Women around the world cheered.
Josh's football durability plus his hate for darker colored individuals made him resilient to Noir, but Noir being able to fly made him a top draft pick for the Red Sex. Pham avoided the electric water and the pile of dark goop on the floor, and was able to bring Noir back down. Pham prepared a brutal punch, but he started hearing a guy groaning in the corner. Josh leaped on top of Noir, yelling "YOUR NOT RIGHT" while Pham approached the guy in the corner.
"You better shut the fuck up or imma beat yo ass."
The guy started groaning louder and louder as he started to stand.
"Bitch I ain't scared of you I'll beat you so hard so sit the fuck down."
The guy was almost fully standing and now was screaming very loud. Pham started doing the jerking motion he got suspended for, telling the guy to come suck his dick.
"AHHHHHHHHHH"
Pham was incinerated in milliseconds, and Josh took off his pants to honor him. Noir was getting shit talked by the giant lady from Steven Universe, so he locked in. Josh Allen tried one last time to throw a football at Noir, but he reflected it and hit Josh right in the foreskin. Josh pleaded for his life, saying he still needed to go watch Ballerina and jerk to Ana De Armas. Black Noir showed no mercy though, forcing Allen to watch Sinners instead, where his wife Hailee got railed by black guys. Allen tragically gouged his own eyes out.
Onetani Twotani[edit | edit source]
Shohei, Yoshi, and Matt walked through the third corridor, noticing not much different. However, everything was written in Japanese so all Matt could do was fuck off. Shohei and Yoshi walked to the end of the hall, but there was a door slightly open with dogs inside. Yoshi hadn't had lunch yet, and decided to go inside. Suddenly, the door shut after him and he was locked inside. Shohei tried to open it while Matt took some shrooms. From around the corner, Tony Ohtani appeared and Shohei was beyond confused.
Tony explained that they were brothers, but Shohei said he had no brothers. He only ever had sisters that were put into a river at birth. Tony said that the Deep told him to make sure they both get naked, but Shohei didn't want to take his pants off. Tony proposed that they jerk off to airplanes together, and Shohei agreed.
Yoshi broke out of the room after eating all the dogs and started launching eggs at Tony Ohtani. Tony unleashed his persona, Masahiro Sakurai, who was able to delete Yoshi from all copies of smash bros. Shohei got very angry his friend was just killed, and started to tickle Tony in a fit of rage. The tickle fight caused both of their clothes to come off...
Matt Olson was beyond tweaked out and found a gun inside the guy's briefcase. He was about to pull the trigger on himself as he screamed "I KNOW FREDDIES BETTER THAN ME I KNOW HE IS IM GUNNA END IT!" Before he could, Tony Ohtani yelled at him to shoot Shohei, pretending that he was Shohei himself. The real Shohei countered telling Matt to shoot Tony. Not only could Matt not tell them apart, he couldn't tell asians apart in general. It also didn't help he was straight tripping balls. Matt came up with a quick solution and asked the 2 to name Freddie Freeman's shoe size.
The real Shohei was able to answer right away, saying it was a 12. Matt grew happy because he was a 12.5. Tony thought he was cooked, but Matt started to aim his gun at Shohei. "That means Freddie has hanged out with you." He turned his gun to Tony "and Freddie hasn't hanged out with you." He turned the gun back to Shohei, and said this was an easy choice. Shohei couldn't believe the stupidity, and just did the meme of that dog accepting his fate. Matt Olson slimed him. Freddie never did that. Tony became best buds with Matt, but on their way out he picked up Shohei's uniform.
As far as everyone was concerned, 2 players survived the game...
Post Credit Scene[edit | edit source]
On September 11th 2001, Shohei Ohtani was shoving sushi up his belly button when he saw a plane going off track in the sky. Eager to be a hero, Shohei teleported up inside the plane and found multiple terrorists. Using his samurai training, Shohei made lite work of them and went straight to the cockpit. However, he got his urge and started jerking it violently. The plane then crashed into tower 1.
Shohei felt awful, so he tried going back in time to try and stop the plane. He found himself on a 2nd plane, and once again beat up the nearest brown person (they were innocent). Shohei went straight for the cockpit, and AGAIN jerked it violently. This plane crashed as well, but the key issue was that there were now 2 Shohei's at the twin towers. They accidently touched tips when the planes crashed, and a massive time explosion happened. After that yk like George Bush and something idk.
Once the dust settled, one of the Ohtanis went back to time traveling and jerking it in planes. However, the other lost his powers and returned to mother japan. He would live there for many years, until he would eventually meet Trevor Bauer.