Lead Oxide
“Sounds like the gentle sound of dying kittens when you touch yourself.”
| Lead Oxide | |
|---|---|
| Years Active | ????-2006 |
| Genre(s) | Rock/punk/metal/arse trumpetrey |
| Label | Usually labled as nerds. |
| Members | Josh (lead alcoholic/token Asian/air guitarist) Geoff (drums/arse trumpeter/cronic 5-digit discoist/friend of Professor Hans Jerkov) Ben (lead axe/Jedi hand trick master/low five expert) Alex (rythm guitar/black belt in hand-to-gland combat/likes to high five Big Bird and slap Bert & Ernie in his spare time) Tye (lead bass/backing trumpeter/sax machine) Mexican Wonder (synthesizer/hairy banjo/drug dealer/mustache dealer/replacement/any other instrument except dog) |
| Former Members | Jesus (couldn't pump gas at the self-sevice island), Chuck Norris (because if Chuck Norris played guitar people would die). |
| Unofficial Members | Softcore Harro |
Lead Oxide is considered by most people to be a four-piece instrument rock/hot arse ensemble, who's fans lovingly call "shit". Full time students, trying to put the Kleenex kids through college, the band reached higher than any other a'Straiya band (except for noise works but their a bunch of one-handed conductors). Tragically, due to a horrible incident during a concert at Kings Park in Newcastle, the band was forced to separate; many rock historians use the break-up of Lead Oxide to place the exact moment Bogan Australian Rock died forever. After the concert, the Australian government banned music in Australia in order to avoid the horrific scenes of Black Wednesday.
Early years[edit | edit source]
Whilst sitting in Newcastle Hospital, waiting for the results of his pregnancy test, Ben realized he should start another band, once he found who the mother was. He decided he would need a drummer, bassist, lead singer, and a rhythm guitarist. After a month, he had been turned down by every band in Newcastle, though he had to tell Daryl Summers several times he was not needed.
After two months of searching for musicians, Ben gave up, and decided just to play with himself. Suddenly, Ben stopped masturbating, as a flash of inspiration flashed him. After copping an eye full of inspirations, Scrotum Ben exclaimed, "Thats it... emo!"
Ben later gathered Josh and Alex to explain his plan. His plan was that bands like, Hinder and My Chemical Romance were shit. None of them could play instruments or sing, according to their CDs that Ben sharped to throw at Daryl Summers to keep him at bay. He theorized that like stupid emo bands, himself, Josh and Alex had no musical talent let alone pants. "So if shit emo bands can get record deals, maybe just a shit band can get one too!" Ben exclaimed.
Ben gave birth to a seedy Mexican baby with a beard. He named his son Chris, then dumped him in Toronto to defend for himself. He now works at Channel 7 as Daryl Summer's keyboard, and sometimes appears on Dancing with the Stars as Sonya Kruger.
After a chance encounter with Capital Record producer, Waitress, in a dark alley-way, Geoff signed a three-record deal after showing his "assets". "It was the finest ginglymus I had ever seen!" - Waitress explaining his first encounter with Lead Oxide during an interview with Rove McManus.
Tye, Geoff, Ben, Alex and Josh met at Capital Studios in Newcastle to begin recording their first album, "A Date with Palmela Handerson". After several false starts and early realeases, recording began. Immediately, tensions grew within the band between Ben and Josh, as well as Ben and Towner. These tensions would grow until they manesfested themselves as the Wednesday incident. Tensions to grew between Tye and Geoff, as Tye refused to shake Geoff's hand, remarking, "I dont want to have hand babies with you!" Throughout the recording, Geoff maintained his regular 5:30 to 6:00 bathroom break, which sent recording into chaos.
Lead Oxide's first album A Date with Pamela Handerson went to #1 in 300 countries, except Belgium, because they refused to release the album claiming the lyrics of "Thrash the Bishop" were to raunchy.
Not soon after[edit | edit source]
Lead Oxide won the Best New Artist award at the Grammys, during Ben's drunken epitage slagging off Capital Records and several media tycoons. Ben was quoted saying, "Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."
Lead Oxide moved (ran away) from Newcastle to settle in New York. Tye in a later interview described "New York". "Last night I lay in bed, looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling? Damn those hoodlums!"
The Great Sell-Out[edit | edit source]
Whilst on tour, Geoff discovered collectable spoons whilst on a spiritual journey of the Bombay Airport. His facination soon developed in to a crippling addiction. Soon news leaked to the press of Geoff's disgraceful behavior. The discrace led to a ban of Lead Oxide's songs within the Bible belt of the USA. The contoversy was compounded with Alex stating in an interview with Rachael Ray (OMFG Morgan Freeman) that Lead Oxide was now bigger than Chuck Norris. The reaction from the American public was a total ban of all Lead Oxide merchandice, though Lead Oxide sales in the Middle East rose 300% during this period.
Soon, Geoff began to syphon funds from the band 'til the point of bankruptcy. The band was forced to re-coup costs by selling out. Several products were indorced by band members, in many cases the exact contents of certain products were not examined properly leading to several products being put under investigation.
After the incident, Josh turned to watching SBS movies, claiming he enjoyed French arthouse movies. The ambulance officers found his body slumped over an empty keg of vasoline and cold Chinese food. The coroner's report stated he suffered a stroke, probobly due to Josh's excessive exersise regime, which was apparent from the size of his left arm.
Following the incident, Ben was given the job of singing to the dismay of everyone.
The beginning of the end[edit | edit source]
Josh was cremated, and his ashes spread over Belmont KFC, only to be claimed by the English Cricket Council (ECC). The insuing war cost the lives of millions of men, and is celebrated every two years with a traditional pommie bashing or something close to that.
With the depature of Josh and the war between Australia and the ECC, the band was ready to move on. One day, Alex was reading a book Chauvinistic Men by A. Lone, and he decided to look up the author. He traced the author to Mexico, and without consulting the band, inlisted the synthesizing prodigy Mexican Wonder.
Soon, Mexican Wonder began to influence band decisions even to the point of single-handedly making the decision to release the band's next album as a word document. These frictions caused much deception and mistrust within the band to the point of Tye's resignation.
Finally, during the summer of 2006, Ben snapped and threw Geoff at Alex. Ben claimed he "didn't see Alex there", but the press had a field day. After a lengthy stay at the vet, Alex was released with a bruised ego and a broken face, which was an improvement on his old face. The change sparked rumor of plastic surgery within the media. On November the 6th, 2006, Ben, Alex, Geoff and Mexican Wonder announced that there would be a new world tour culminating in a concert in Kings Park, Newcastle.
Black Wednesday[edit | edit source]
Through the summer of 06/07, Lead Oxide went on tour, boot-legging other concerts and stealing money from bus drivers, living inside of Geoff's hair for warmth. The tour culminated in a concert in Kings Park. 300,000 people travelled to Newcastle to celebrate the end of Lead Oxide. The concert was to begin at 3:00 p.m. The band arrived late, and the concert began at 3:00 a.m.
What took place destroyed Australian music forever......................
Ben sang, and people's heads exploded because of it's poorness.
Of the 300,000 people in attendance, 299,999 died. Daryl Summers survived the concert and was quoted as saying "Hey, he stole my song!"