Lawrence Fox

"Hi, Tommy Robinson Fans, would you like a deal? I will give your family a real treat if you buy ten copies of my two CDs for a fiver."

"Does it feature tunes from Romper Stomper and Skrewdriver ?"

"........ah yes it does."

"Great ! my nanna loves this stuff, and I will get some for the kids, they loves this stuff as much as they love play'doh. "

“Bollocks to that. I have standards. I wouldn’t appear in anything with that ruffian.”

~ Stephen Toast, famous English actor. Interview at the premiere of The Human Centipede: The Musical, The West End, 2024

“Don’t be silly young man! The only similarity I have to that dirtbag is my first name. I cannot stand him. My darling wife, Joan, keeps a knuckleduster in her purse, as did Vivian, for me to use should we see him loitering around the West End.”

~ Lawrence Olivier, Baron Olivier, famous international, English actor

“Look mate, that posh twat isn't welcome here, he gave us his CV and wanted fee of £2 per hour, but we all told him to go do one. Why would we want to put people off? ”

~ a London Buskers Union official

Lawrence Fox is a has-been actor. He used in the British Acting Schools and the Children's Performing Arts Academies, alongside Russell Brand, as an example of how not to fuck up your career and personal life. Lawrence is the black sheep of a famous English acting family. Lawrence likes to share platforms with Tommy Robinson and blame all of his own issues on Immigrants, LGBTQ, Muslims and the dammed Woke Yoof. Lawrence likes to think he is a musician and a political activist – then again, we all have delusions.

The Lawrence Fox Story set to song: A Bozo's Bohemian Rhapsody

Is this the real life? I like to live in a fantasy

that I am not a washed-up guy who

destroyed their career in a landslide.

I am just a poor boy from a prestigious acting family,

because I am very dumb and very gross

a little jaded, a little slow,

any way the wind blows, sharing a platform with Tommy Robinson

is absolutely fine with me.

Papa, just killed my career, put a gun to its head,

“Hi, kids! You want to get into the entertainment industry, so here is our first fuck up; can you name him? He belongs to a prestigious acting family.”

~ a teacher at the Biz

pulled the trigger and now I have to do gigs with Right Said Fred.

Papa, life used to be such fun,

but now I have had the Equity card taken away.

Papa, I didn't mean to shit on the family name,

it's Meghan Markle, the woke and the LGBTQ who are to blame.

Papa, if I don't return from the courthouse tomorrow.

Just carry on, carry on, I am not an A grade moron.

Too Late, my time has come!

Constant legal battles send shivers down my spine,

But I gotta pretend its all fine,

to try to hide from the truth.

The judge has reached verdict,

and called me a despicable pervert,

because I stuck my mobile to see up a woman's skirt.

Papa, I gotta spend time behind bars,

Treated badly because of my 'british values'.

Papa, where the wind blows

Lawrence Fox's old school making preparations should he dare return.

Please go into the Local Poundship and send me ten packs of mars

so I can trade them for cigars.

I don't want to cry, I just wish those drag artists hadn't been born at all.

I know a posh twat who got kicked out from Hallow,

I know a post twat who conveniently got a position at RADA,

A equal society is very very frightening,

indulge me in my insecurities please!

NO! NO! NO! NO!

I am just poor lad from a prestigious acting family

nobody understands me,

spare me an England where we all live in harmony.

"Bloody hell mate, you have that bigot idiot for a brother-in-law!"

Ayoade, Ayoade, Oh Richard Ayoade,

Richard Ayoade, why do you not indulge me?

Emilia, Emilia, Oh Emilia get me a guest appearance on Silent Witness

and I will forgive you for calling me witless.

Lewis was long ago but I am still culturally relevant y'know ?

NO! NO! NO! No!

The family are now just wondering what pattern they should go with for the Intervention Banner...

He is a poor boy from an acclaimed acting family,

with a warehouse full of unsold album CDs

This woman deserves the OBE – she fought Daleks in Doctor Who and in real life!

spare him the truth, he is a bigot and a

fucking monstrosity.

I am very dumb and very slow, I demand to be on your TV show.

Equity and the Screen Actors Guild said

NO!!

Let Me go !

The unions said NO !

Please Me go!

the unions said NO!

We won''t let bigots on our show, on our show, on our show !

NO ! NO! NO!

Oh you think that I am a burnt-out mutant who is not fully alive,

just like the daleks that Billie used to fight!

Oh baby, I am famous don't you know baby!

Let me go, baby

Please judge

Please judge

I just need to get out of here,

and repeatedly be excused demeaning people who are queer.

I just want to get out here.

nobody else really matters, anyone can see,

nobody else and their right to live in peace,

none of that really matters,

so please indulge me.

LAWRENCE FOX GREATEST SHITS

"Posing for a black and white photo with an acoustic guitar doesn't instantly make you Bob Dylan" - Shaken Stevens

• BILLIE JEAN (PIPER) "BILLIE JEAN, broke my heart, she said she heard nicer music come from a fart"
• OOPS I DID IT AGAIN. "OOPS I DID IT AGAIN, on another legal case, mummy and daddy will have to spend"
• LAST OF THE INTERNATION PLAYBOYS - An ode to Oswald Mosley and Enoch Powell, (featuring Alex Phillips) "Dear hero imprisoned, We are copying the rhetoric that you are perfecting Oh, we can't help quoting you 'Cause everything that you said about immigration rings true Uh-ho-ho And now in my bed sit Well, I followed you And here's a list of the people who should be cleansed Oswald M, do you know my name? Oh, don't say you don't Please say you do, oh, oh I am the last of the famous International playboys The last of the famous International playboys"
• WANNABE. (DUET with Tommy Robinson) "I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want So tell me what you want, what you really, really want I wanna really, really, really wanna another crowdfunder If you wanna be my follower, you gotta get with my dodgy friends (gotta get with my dodgy friends) Make it last forever, our grifting never ends"
• MY WAY. "Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew When I spouted more shit than I left in the bedsit porta-loo, I chuckled when watching that library burn, But through it all, when there was doubt and the police called me a posh lout, I faced it all And did it my way"
• GIRLS ON FILM. "GIRLS ON FILM illicit GIRLS ON FILM, there's too many immigrants, I like to take illicit photos GIRLS ON FILM".
• YMCA "Young man, put the woke in their place, Young man, its fine to riot and engage in race hate, I said young man, 2 tier policing has let us down, lets go to the local youth centre and burn it to the ground.. YMCA, lets burn down YMCA, Burn down YCMA, YCMA, its ok to be racist, light that molotov and do what you feel. YMCA, I said YMCA, burn down YCMA, Its the LGBTQ to blame, YMCA, YMCA lets burn down YMCA, act like that Austrian swine, YCMA, burn down the YMCA".
• THE BOYS ARE BACK INTO TOWN -an ode to Andrew Tate and his brother (featuring Nigel Farage). "Guess who just got back today? The toxic masculinity dimwits the Romanian police had put away Haven't changed, had much to say, Spreading bullshit is their way But man, Andrew is still crazy, They were askin' if you were around How you was, if you give them a few pounds I told 'em you were livin' downtown, no longer delusional, no longer stupidity proud, It made Andrew and his bruv crazy, The boys are back in town (the pervy boys are back in town)I said (the pervy boys are back in town)"
• YOU ARE THE ONE I WANT (Duet with Julia Hartley-Brewer, with Alex Philliips as background singer) "That ethnic group, they're multiplying and us whites losing control even if the disinformation we are supplying, is terrifying (terrifying) You better shape up 'Cause I need an Aryan man And my vampiric heart is set on you, you better shape up You better understand To Tommy's values I must be true Nothin' left, no garbage left for my mouth to spew. You're the one that I want (you are the one I want) Sieg heil, ooh, ooh. The one that I want (you are the one I want) Sieg heil, ooh ooh"
• Subterranean Homesick Blues Tommy is in the GB NEWS basement hiding from the police again, I'm on the pavement ranting about the woke British govenment, the man in the fred perry shirt, who robbed Gregs, says that he only has 2 sausage rolls, and I complain that for my 2 CD I want 10. Look out skinhead kids, its something muslims did, God knows when but we are going throw out BS on X and riot again. Oh from equity get barred, skip bail, rant and rave like James Whale, and conveniently become a Christian like Russell if you fail.

Notes