Jenson Button
“They said he might never win a Grand Prix.... HE'S DONE IT JENSON BUTTON HAS WON THE HUN GAR IAN GRAND PRIX, GET IN THERRRRRRRRRE...... PHWOOOAR.... (audible only to dogs)”
“Ooh... here he comes... over the hill... round the bend... Jenson Button... Brawn GP.... WINS”
“What a playboy!!!”
“Now, my guest tonight won the 2009 Formula One World Drivers Championship. He won the 2009 World Constructors Championship for Brawn. And, when he was pipped to the BBC's Sports Personality of the Year Award last weekend by Ryan Giggs, he won the 2009 Trophy for the Best Forced Smile.”
Jenson Alexander Lyons Button, MBE (born 19 January 1980 in Frome, Somerset) is a British Formula One racing driver who recovered from a serious case of Hamiltonitis to win the title of 'Britain's favourite sportsman other than Ryan Giggs'. Button inherited the title from Lewis Hamilton. However, he lost this accolade to Robert Green following the 2010 Football World Cup.
Career[edit | edit source]
Button began his F1 career at Williams alongside one of the most historic names in motor racing: Schumacher... Ralf Schumacher. In a first year which saw him become F1's youngest point scorer at age 9, Button was soon loaned out by Frank Williams, or sacked as Button calls it, to fat Italian play boy Flavio Briatore, until he was sacked again, with Briatore citing Button's playboy status as a reason for him leaving the team. But he settled in at the Bar, AKA BAR Honda, where he drove three full season fuelled on Old Peculiar which then became Honda, which then became Brawn and is now the National Socialist German Workers' Team.
Button's F1 career had consisted of him being shit, until, the great angel Brawn came down and offered hope and salvation to him. Since that heavenly day, Button has been given the powers of Ayrton Senna and Schumacher (Michael) combined and has made F1 a one man dominated sport again.
Button has now won a lot of races after bribing FIA president Max Mosley with a years supply of German hookers. The row over the Brawn diffuser which clouded the beginning of the Formula 1 season was concluded after it was revealed that nobody really cared. And as success stories always end, Jenson ran out of hookers and hasn't won a race since the middle of 2009. Sebastien Vettel took over the supply (it helped that he was German). When Max announced his retirement (his last shipment was from little known mafia boss Giancarlo Fisichella) a serious bout of racing broke out in the F1 paddock, which was promptly quelled by new rules forbidding overtaking. Fortunately for Button, everyone else was a bit shit so the Championship landed in his lap, as a farewell gift from Mr Mosley.
Personal Life[edit | edit source]
Jenson has a father. What, you want more? His beard and wispy hair mean that his face would like pretty much the same if you were to turn it upside down. It was revealed in March 2009 that Jenson was on the verge of quitting the Honda F1 team, which would become Brawn GP, run by Ross Brawn. Apparently he and team mate Rubens Barry Iplaythecello were disgusted to learn details of team boss, Ross Brawn's personal life.... it became clear that Brawn was in fact.... a Manchester United fan.
Jenson is one of the most Shitty people to come from Somerset despite being ginger. He Also Drive His Cars In The Nude And Then Gets Jailed For It Because His Life Is Also Shit.
Alter Ego[edit | edit source]
Button has also successfully created another career out of his alter ego, Chris Martin, lead singer of the band Coldplay. In the off season, Jenson or Chris (whichever way works best), travels the world with his bandmates. Asked if Chris would be making an appearance at Silverstone this year, Button commented that he "couldn't be bothered" and will in fact announce the splitting up of the band to concentrate on his driving.