HowTo:Write a Funny Article
When writing articles in Uncyclopedia, you want to achieve "hilarity". Or at least something to make The Powers That Be chuckle so you don't get stamped with the old, "this article is utter wank, its got 7 days to be funny or we're going to delete it and there's bugger all you can do about it". In order to avoid this, I have constructed a guide, written with complete cynicism, wit and downright zany banter.
To start, there are certain pieces of equipment and knowledge you must have.
1. An Idea - Do you really truly believe that you can just write an article on here and be recognised, well of course you do, otherwise you wouldn't be on here because your article just got huffed, would you? You muppet.
2. A computer - fairly essential what with us being on the Internets and all.
3. Some pictures - usually in relation to whatever you're talking about, or at least funny. You can always incorporate it somehow, making it look pretty because you're a fag will not make a great article.
4. Coherence & Structure - Structure it like a real article, if its not written like a real article, post it on your blog, where just as many people will read it. There it can stay with the likes of, what you did last weekend with your right hand, or how still living with your mother is so stressful.
5. Rest Assured - In the knowledge that the creator of this article, is a lot better at this than you, will write funny articles that will make a little bit of wee come out. He will also strike you down with Divine Retribution if you dare question the almighty!!
Planning is, as always key (maybe). In order to actually be funny, you need a couple of things. Firstly, the knowledge that humour is
detected in the brain via pattern recognition, when something does not follow a suspected pattern the brain finds to be "funny".
You should begin by writing seriously, often changing the facts to be untrue (shocking eh?). Add a few gags, change a few names, get down tonight.
Try not to piss off the admins, being the powers that be, if they flag your article, posting "WTF are you doing you n00b, I am teh 1337!!! My article roxorz!!!!!11, you suck I fucked your female parental unit, you're an idiot admin thing". Will probably do nothing but speed up the deletion proccess significantly. It is to be noted, if they flag your article, its complete and utter toss, so being again from the beginning. Or try and improve it, needless to say you're probably an idiot so its beyond any repair.
Get some pictures from google or wherever and make sure you have details on their copyright, blatant offences which would result in Uncyclopedia being sued will most likely be deemed against the T&C's. Uncyclopedia don't want to be sued, contrary to popular belief. A hint with this is usually.
1.Is it on a website of a corporation that has enough money to sue people for breathing its air? - in this case YES this image will be deleted.
2.Is it off google from a site and the picture holds no relevance to anything, its just people or things doing stuff/things/people/animals? - Use it to your hearts content.
3.Is it the logo of a popular brand or item? - You can actually use this (bet you didn't know that) under current copyright laws for logos/slogans/your mother and conjunctured with section 85 of the freedom of information act. You can use the logo's so long as you are not representing something that is used to sell. An article is free to use it because there is no monetary gain. That is why newspapers use the logo's in their articles when they tell you how shit the company is because they can't sue. However if you use the pepsi logo to sell lemonade on the street, you are breaking the law/making Jesus cry/GOING TO HELL!.
4.It has no relevance to anything in the article or slogan! - Then why did you add it to the article, do you think you're funny? Going against this guide? Well you're not, thats why your article has a "This article is cock and bull, deletion/crucifixion of the user in seven days" template.
When implementing said article. Remember, use lots of cool wiki format, otherwise your knee caps will be put forward for immediate breaking.
When actually writing, use everything you have already used in the planning of the article, follow this by writing it well. A couple of tricks here is what mostly makes the humour, for example, I'm drunk while writing this section, so this article will be humourless. What're you looking at you fucking cunt?.
Right, so you've got your big worthless plan that the powers that be will most likely delete because you're a n00b!!! N00B!!! HAHAHA FUCKIN' N00B!!!!. Well the The Powers That Be (Admins). Will have this rating system that I've just decided they use, goes a little something like this.
A 1 a 2 a 1 2 3 4.
OMFG THIS IS BOLLOCKS - This will be stamped with a "this article is complete toss and should be deleted for the good of all mankind, the user has no balls and fantasises over midget pr0n, so we'll give them a call and say "seven days" and then ruin their emo lives by deleting their article.
S'aright - Its ok but we (The Powers That Be) are going to ruin their day by stamping it with templates to improve, demoralising the author to the point of never posting their worthless shit on here ever again.
Its good - OMG you wrote something that people will not only tolerate reading BUT will actually laugh, you have achieved your aim and now I (the teacher) will accept your payment and donate all the proceeds to a worthy cause like the Church of Scientology (see bullshit).
FEATURED - Very few make it to this page, I have, your mother thanked me in that balls on chin way she does so well, dammit I'm going to make it on again FEATURE THIS!. Back to the point. Your article is among the article of kings, you have passed the test and are a true author. Now get out of your parents basement go outside and get a life you sad twit.
This in basics
because you're a thick shit is what you've learnt from your articles. You'll learn this from the pointless uninformative templates that get stamped to your page as well as the abuse you will most likely receive on your talk page.
Its very wise to not take offense to criticism and not respond negatively to it. Mainly because you'll piss off the The Powers That Be and find yourself accountless, empty lived and hanging from the ceiling.
Take your criticism and learn from your mistakes. Only this way will you learn the true meaning of Uncyclopedia.
Well you've made your article, it was probably bollocks but hey at least you tried. You can learn a lot from this experience, such as how to write a funnier article than you could before, that you have no life and feel the need to try to be funny on a site that will most likely ignore your existence. Either way, you'll die alone. But look at this way, I showed you the way, and I'm completely happy and have a great life.
Feel free to feature this article!!!