HowTo:Survive Parent Conferences:Student Edition

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Nutshell.svg This page in a nutshell: You will never survive.
Gorillatrans.gif HowTo 
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos

So, we all know what you're here for. You're here because:

  • You've committed unholy things, several war crimes, or one of the Seven Deadly Sins.
  • You decided to be that lazy ass in the back of the class, even though your behavior is perfectly fine, although your teacher can't really seem to tell.
  • Your teacher is a fucking Karen and decided to call your parents for a "talk," hoping you would change your ways.
  • Or for an unspecified reason that is not labeled in this article.

Never fear, fellow uncyclopedians! This guide is made to tell you how to survive these conferences from hell, and what to do before, and after this piece-of-shit conference that you will go through.

Before your conference[edit]

Ah yes, you're there gaming and playing whatever game you're playing, and then here come your parents, saying that you have a Parent-Teacher Conference at a certain amount of days. Am I right?

1. Have a mental breakdown.[edit]

Knowing that you have no survival chances, you need to have a huge mental breakdown, knowing your secrets and your lies will be all gone with the truth the teacher gives out while your parents smoke weed even though they've been told not to. Have a mental breakdown so you can release your emotions, and use it for practice during the conference.

2. Enjoy the rest of your days before the conference.[edit]

Yes, you're going to need to cherish these days as much as you can, for there is a high chance you'll never, ever, see them again. You can also do fun things you're never going to do again after the conference.

3. Prepare your funeral before the conference.[edit]

I recommend this casket for your death.

You may need to prepare your funeral ahead of time as you will not survive, nor will you live to tell the tale. Nobody (besides your friends, if you have any) will attend your funeral, and you'll be a disgrace of your bloodline for generations to come.

To prevent suffering this agony, you can go kill yourself so you can be viewed as an example of what happens when you're depressed and don't tell anyone, rather than a stain in the family line. Am I right?

4. Continue what you were doing before you were told about the conference.[edit]

In a nutshell, you should just go back to what you were doing.

During the conference[edit]

Yep, let us remind you that this conference is inevitable, meaning you have no way out of this! ^  And yes, you will die.

1. Accept your death, and have another mental breakdown.[edit]

As I said, you have no survival chance, and you will die mentally and physically. Your suffering post-conference will last for some time. so don't worry!

2. Wonder "When will this all end?"[edit]

To pass the time, you need to wonder when this will end. FriEND, BoyfriEND, GirlfriEND, and Best FriEND. Only Parent Conferences has no "End." Meaning it will have no end at all.

3. Watch as your parents get angry.[edit]

If your mom is really that sensitive, she could end up crying, your dad could be internally angry inside, wanting to take it out on you, your teacher, or both. The consequences are not needed, and you'll end up thinking that Life is Hell.

Post Conference[edit]

If you've made it through the conferences, congratulations you fucking idiot, because you're fucked, meaning you will not survive. And I mean it. You will suffer until the End of Time, but since Time has no end, that means you're going to suffer eternally, mentally, and physically.

Side Note: Unless you have to attend the conference, don't attend it, as your parents will do the job for you.

1. Have a mental breakdown that has no end.[edit]

At this point, having mental breakdowns are pointless, for you will actually die. I hope you're prepared for the consequences of your faggotry because they will not be forgiven.

2. Prepare yourself for the consequences.[edit]

The grave your parents will dance on harder than they can get fucking stoned.

Depending on what faggotry you committed that you tried to cease but failed, you will die a painful death, a quick one, or not die at all. Remember, for just pennies a day, you can stop this madness by NOT COMMITTING THIS FAGGOTRY AGAIN.

3. Go on a fucking murder spree because you have nothing to lose.[edit]

The article is, well. Self-explanatory. Murder everyone, you see in your sight. And I mean, everyone.