Holy Habits: Lingerie for Nuns

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In an attempt to attract more young women to the nunnery – and to ameliorate pedophilia among priests – the Vatican has decreed that aspiring nuns may wear lingerie. In addition, more contemporary habits such as simple skirts may now be worn. However, both under- and outerwear must be of a type approved by His Holiness, who as always inspects models wearing proposed outfits each Tuesday afternoon. Generally, neither tattooing nor body jewelry is allowed, unless it has "religious significance".

A nun exposes her stockings, panties, and a corset, all of which purely protect her.

Inspired also by Madonna's Like a Virgin (video in which the pop star dances with a priest), the new fashion is intended to help the novice improve her self-image and self-esteem – to feel like a bride of Christ. "Still," the pontiff warns, "a little leg and a modicum of cleavage is good for the soul, but there remains a fine line between sexiness and sacrilege."

His Holiness is especially fond of this pull chain and the effect that its operation has on the pendant.

Accessories may also be updated, but with the same prudence. Church officials warn that concealment of illicit drugs, such as occurs in the movie Cruel Intentions, will not be tolerated, nor should novice nuns expect to wear crucifixes as necklaces or earrings unless they are "of a tasteful and decorous design".

A chastity belt of any color is always in good taste.

Now and forever, amen[edit]

Eat me in remembrance of this.


I see.