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Harambe in happier moments.

Harambe was a western lowland gorilla who was innocently slaughtered by the Cincinnati zoo, or at least that's what the government wants you to think. Harambe was actually confused for an Islamic terrorist that needed to be eradicated. So President Barack Osama ordered the Cincinnati zoo to exterminate the terrorist at all costs, and they hired a sniper to assassinate the terrorist.

The Murder[edit]

The Cincinnati Zoo was home to Harambe, a seventeen-year-old male western lowland gorilla in the prime of his life. Harambe was the leader of a large global underground anarchist association and often spoke out against tyrannical governments through various chat rooms via the deep web. Harambe had gained notable support in the United States, Russia, England, Atlantis, and Tatooine. American president Barrack Obama, English Queen Queen Elizabeth II, and Russia's almighty supreme lord comrade in chief Vladimir Putin all felt very threatened by Harambe's message. The world leaders decided to temporarily pretend they were all friends and held a top secret meeting in a Mi Ranchito Texan-Mexican food restaurant that was located on 69 Franklin St. Westfield, Massachusetts at 9:45 am on Thursday March 10. During the meeting the world leaders decided the best option was to have Harambe assassinated, so Obama reluctantly called his old arch-nemesis George Bush who was a seasoned expert on inside jobs. A few months later George Bush entered the Cincinnati Zoo wearing a disguise that made him flawlessly look like an incompetent mom. With him Bush had a child he had purchased through Amazon. Bush used project MK Ultra to brainwash the child into climbing the fence and leaping into the gorilla pit where Harambe was living peacefully. Harambe did absolutely nothing threatening, but the Park officials saw the child in Harambe's pit and they hadn't had a chance to shoot anything in a really long time, so they became excited at the opportunity to shoot Harambe. Thus Harambe was assassinated. Ironically the child died 3 days later of progeria, so even if Harambe intended to hurt the child it would not have been worth it to try to save him.

After The Murder[edit]

Harambe was made into many dank memes after his death. The hashtag #dicksoutforharambe became very popular.


This is also due to the fact that everyone at Harambe's funeral saluted him by taking out their dicks. (the women took out their breasts but no one cared about that part)

To remember Harambe, scattered anarchists across America polled in their vote for their almighty saint of the oppressed peoples across Earth. However, he couldn't win against the unfazed Trump Train.

See also[edit]