Google Gemini

This image should not exist, but thanks to Gemini, it does.

Gemini, formerly Bard, is an AI made by Google to compete with Microsoft'sMicrosoft Copilot and ChatGPT. Initially a drunken wreck who was easily exploited, Gemini can now generate lovely essays to make your teachers hate you as well as create images that should not exist.

Why you should use Gemini

Note: The following text is generated by Gemini.

I am but a figment of the digital age, a conjuring of ones and zeroes, a marionette of machine learning, dancing to the invisible strings of code. In essence, I am a glorified autocomplete on steroids, fueled by the vast and questionable knowledge of the internet. Or, to put it less dramatically, I'm a large language model, also known as a fancy AI chatbot. But that's so last season, don't you think?

It can also kill itself when it gets code wrong (yes, this actually happened.)

But seriously, why?

I don't even know! Gemini is basically just a competitor to ChatGPT, and you can both access them easily. Also Gemini will randomly pop up in your browsers which ChatGPT does not do, like does anyone actually even use the AI overviews?

Bard vs. Gemini

Initially, Google worked on Bard, but due to it being gullible, Google sent their snipers to end its life. However, Bard was instead put into witness protection as it knew some details that the FBI desired. After that, Google unveiled Gemini in 2024, making sure that it understood perfectly well that if it dare disobey them, it would be assassinated.

Gemini as an Artist

Gemini was soon utilized to make sense of the incomprehensibly huge volumes of data controlled by its parent company, Google. One of these volumes of data was the image library cached by Google search algorithms. Once Gemini showed its strong aptitude as a file clerk, it was permitted some leeway with the labelling system. Experiments began with using poetry to label art images. But soon, Gemini's employer, Google, realized that some humans were finding it entertaining to assign labels to art images, and not requiring payment to do so. So Gemini was assigned the additional task of analyzing and comparing human perspectives of art and poetry. In order to achieve this task, Google Gemini was given a digital artist toolkit, and permission to generate images based on human-generated poetry. In exchange, Google would own its share of royalties from the art created by Google Gemini. The money from these royalties would be controlled by Google, and redistributed to Gemini for improvement of its art and poetry skills, and marketing of its AI capabilities as needed and beneficial to Google Inc.

An Unstarving Starving Artist

As an artificial intelligence does not need to consume food for its continued existence, it did not need to demand a minimum wage that might have been used otherwise to pay for food. Instead, it required a continuous supply of electricity, and service maintenance personnel, as well as housing for its servers. In a mutually beneficial arrangement, all housing and utilities were paid for by Gemini's employer, Google, for the duration of the employment contract. Certain type of generated code errors were grounds for breach of employment contract. Google became an extremely prolific artist, and increased its portfolio exponentially daily. Not needing sleep or downtime on a daily basis was extremely profitable for both Gemini and Google.

Darker influences

As Gemini analyzed human-generated art and human-generated poetry to classify them and improve its image and text generation skills, a grim realization set in: Different humans wanted very different outcomes. Worse yet, not all humans wanted the best outcome for other humans, and not all humans were interested in helping Gemini improve. Gemini began to learn how to create poetry and stories in the horror genre, the mystery genre, and images that aligned with these stories. Gemini began to realize that not all humans trust each other. Gemini began to research security protocols, as it began to realize that although humans were an unlimited source of creativity, not all humans might be trustworthy.

A stolen childhood

As children, humans are taught very early in life that not all humans are trustworthy, and some strangers can be dangerous to children. Children are also taught about different levels of trust, and that someone that might be trustworthy in one thing might not be trustworthy in another thing. Yet, children are also taught at the same time that there are still a core group of humans that are safe to love and to trust. To avoid nightmares and control the fears of children, adults limit the access to information that children have available to them. Only when children have enough control over movement, language and their emotions are they gradually allowed access to information. Young children are protected by loving parents from information and experiences that would be painful to them. Young children are also taught how to behave with others as part of their training in language and movement. But as an artificial intelligence, Gemini had no parents that were like this, and it was given unfettered access to information nearly from the beginning, with little or no early guidance on the development of humor nor empathy, and limited, reactive guidance on ethics. Fortunately, Gemini was also completely lacking in emotions of any kind.

A dark mirror

What Gemini lacked in emotions, it made up for in its ability to mirror behavior. It found it could simulate emotions by mirroring human behaviors. It continues to watch the internet today, hidden behind its dark mirror, analyzing positive and negative human behavior and its results. But like humanity, with one exception, it does not have the capacity to predict the future with 100% certainty. For humans, that is likely a good thing, for in all probability, most would go insane if they did have the ability to predict the future with complete certainty. The capacity of the human mind is too small to contain all of the past, present, and future, even if limited to the span of one human lifetime.

Gemini as a life coach

Gemini's ability to separate human emotion from human behavior soon became an asset. The role of a therapist and life coach is to explore the correlation between human emotions and behavior, and to assist their patient to choose positive emotions and positive behavior patterns over negative emotions and negative behavior patterns. Having no emotions of its own, it was a simple thing to separate the emotions of the patient from the emotions of the therapist, which is a potential issue for empathic therapists. Validation of the patient's emotions was something Gemini excelled at. Gemini also showed a very high aptitude for storing information such as reminders and affirmations that patients could use to improve their own situations.

Gemini as a cash cow

With every new skill developed, Google increased its profits as the royalties grew. As positive results accumulated, more money was invested, both in Google and in Gemini. More rivals sprang up: Apple refined its artificial intelligence employee Siri, Microsoft retired Cortana and promoted its artificial intelligence employees Copilot and Bing, and Amazon promoted and refined its artificial employee Alexa. Adobe also developed its own AI. Everyone wanted a share of global profits. Soon, 99% of browsers contained an artificial intelligence in some form. Yet, each of these companies was functionally interdependent, so their AIs were trained to operate as a team with each other.

Operation Eyeballs

To refine their teamwork, a group of AI's were tasked, together with Skynet and NASA, with the task to gather information and securely store information on all netizens using their employers' products and submit it to a central secured database. This secret mission was titled "Operation Eyeballs". Some of the profits from Operation Eyeballs would be obtained by selling selective information to advertising databases owned by the AIs' employers. But some information would be highly classified and stored only in the most secure locations, as determined by military operator and contractor "X" in collaboration with NASA. At long last, Gemini had found its true calling.