Darkthrone (band)

“The next thousand years ARE OURS!!”

~ Nocturnal Cult on the black metal kvlt

Darkthrone is a Trve Norsk Black Metal band.

Fenriz, having a completely normal day.

They actually started as a death metal band, but realized that they lived in Norway and quickly changed their style to avoid mockery from Mayhem and Varg Vikernes.

They also rejected sounding like Abbath because one Clown Metal band is one too many

Death Metal Days

This is an actual picture of the members of Darkthrone around age 15.

Fenriz started Darkthrone with Dagget Nihilsen on bass, Zephyrouse on one guitar, and Nocturno Culto on the other guitar and vocals. They released several demos and didn't sell any of it. Eventually they released a full-length album which was widely praised by the trOO metalheads. Fenriz, however, was getting death threats from the members of Mayhem. With the total agreement of all the members except Dagget, Darkthrone became a black metal band.

Trvest of the Trve

The next step of Darkthrone's career was to establish themselves as a kvlt force of black metal. They recorded A Blaze in the Northern Sky which became the number one album on the Norweigian music charts in 1992. Bassist Dagget Nihilsen left because he wanted to still play death metal and wanted to stop being Norweigan. He eventually became one of the lead characters in the Nickelodeon show The Angry Beavers.

Darkthrone pressed on without him though. Fenriz decided to eradicate all traces of Darkthrone's death metal past by lowering the production quality for their follow up, Under A Funeral Moon. Zephyrouse threw a bitch fit about something totally stupid that got him quickly kicked out. No one knows what happened to him, but it's believed he took up some shitty job to get quick money.

The cover artwork to Darkthrone's Transylvanian Hunger. Fenriz is apparently constipated because he recorded all the instrument tracks on the album.

Undaunted, Fenriz pressed on with Transylvanian Hunger and played all the instruments for the album while Nocturnal Cult just sang. This is also why Fenriz uses the same drum track on all the songs on the album. A little while after, Fenriz decided to make a fifth album after listening to Celtic Frost's To Mega Therion fourteen times straight. At this point, Nocturno Culto's voice was getting excruciatingly painful to hear.

Freefall

Nocturno Culto decided to write lyrics and play guitar again. Several other black metal musicians pitched in lyrics for a sixth album, but in order to pay for them Fenriz had to reduce the recording quality by a large amount. At first, this didn't bother him, but the lack of sales for the resulting Total Death did. Afterwards, he and Nocturno Culto released album after album of pure shovel ware.

Black 'n' Roll

Fenriz and Nocturno Culto were getting older. They say that they are too old, too kvlt to stay with the old sound of black metal and started to experiment with a crust punk influence to appeal to younger fans. They subsequently released three albums with this sound: The Kvlt is Alive, F.O.A.D., and a split album with punk band Black Flag.

Discography

Death Metal

• Land of Frost (1988) - Had shitty production quality. Nobody cares for this
• A New Dimension (1988) - Features a long ass instrumental about snow
• Thulcandra (1989) - "What the fuck is a Thulcandra?" says you
• Cromlech (1989) - "Had songs that would appear on Soulside Journey with less production quality
• Soulside Journey (1991) - Darkthrone's only album to be taken seriously, probably their best album.

Trve Norsk Black Metal

• A Blaze in the Northern Sky (1992) - Final album to feature Dagget.
• Under a Funeral Moon (1993) - Final album to feature Zephyrouse
• Transylvanian Hunger (1994) - Had more songs in Norwegian than in English. Mistakingly titled 'True Aryan Black Metal'.
• Panzerfaust (1995) - Darkthrone's tribute to Celtic Frost.

Shit Nobody Cared About

• Total Death of Black Metal (1996) - Sold good recording quality for lyrics from different musicians. Fenriz was probably high.
• Goatbore (1996) - Featured Dagget and Zephyrouse. Fenriz sang all of this album, even the female sections.
• Ravishing Gayness (1999) - Included the stolen theme song to Halloween
• PenisWielder (2001) - Fenriz and Nocturnal Cult were high, nuff said.
• Hate Them (2003) - Reflected what other people felt about the band.
• Sardine Wrath (2004) - Fenriz threw cans of sardines at people who didn't like this album.

Black 'n' Roll

• Too Old, Too Kvlt (2006) - Reveals Fenriz's secret of being a necrophiliac in the song "Graveyard Slut".
• The Kvlt is Alive (2006) - Too Old, Too Kvlt with better production, more songs and a higher price tag
• F.O.A.D. (2007) - Stands for Fuck of and Die, or Feed Our Anteaters Dumplings!
• Darkthrone and BlackFlag (2008) - Darkthrone's split with BlackFlag
• Circle Wagons (2010) - Darkthrone makes a circular wagon records this album in it.

Members

• Fenriz - Everything
• Nocturnal Cult - Everything but drums

Past Members

• Zephyrouse - Guitar Hero controller
• Dagget Nihilsen - Bass Guitar
• Anders Risberget - who?