Climate change deniers
Hello, <insert name here>, let me tell you about Climate Change Deniers. Climate Change Deniers are a variety of cunts, idiots, assholes, scientists and politicians who have somehow failed to realise the iminent threat of Global Warming, instead claiming that Global Cooling is happening and we need not do anything. An IPCC study showed that 75% of this group consider themselves cunts. A seperate study showed that 100% of other people consider them to be bigoted.
IPCC Study[edit | edit source]
In early 2018, the IPCC decided to run a study on these people who seemed to have not read the news since the 1980s. They kidnapped 100 climate change deniers and put them on the Death Star for questioning to create this study. Darth Vader and the Emperor let them use it free of charge.
Study Results[edit | edit source]
Below is a table showcasing the percentage of views for and against each statement put to the captive cunts.
| Statement | For (%) | Against(%) |
|---|---|---|
| Climate change is real | 0% | 100% |
| You can stop pretending now. Climate change is real, isn't it? | 98% | 2% |
| You're a cunt (presented only to people against the last point) | 50% | 50% |
| You're all cunts! | 75% | 25% |
| We need to take action on Climate Change | 2% | 98% |
| You have been payed by fossil fuel companies | 64% | 36% |
Analysis[edit | edit source]
Climate change deniers accept that they're cunts but won't accept climate change is real unless ressured into it. What a selfless, self-contradictory bunch.
Fossil Fuel company payoffs[edit | edit source]
Climate strikers have been convinced for years that fossil fuel companies have been paying politicians and others to pass off climate change as a hoax. After this study was released, Greta Thunberg and her following (of 2 people) were absolutely furious. While the press hid the report, users on social media were being annoyed by sponsored ads about these shocking results. When the climate strike movement escalated, Greta and her now large following decided to violently end these deniers' source of money by blowing up every fossil fuel company in existence.
Fossil Fuel company destruction[edit | edit source]
"In one minute, Greta and friends will set off bombs that detonate every fossil fuel company's offices. Your supply of toxic fossil fuels will end soon, stock up now!"
This was texted to every mobile device on 19th September 2019 at 11AM GMT. However, nothing happened. I AM SO ANNOYED THAT THEY DIDN@T FOLLOW THROUGH.
Greta posted a tweet denying the allegations that she had been behind the planned attack, and then posted on her Facebook that her Twitter had been hacked.
The school climate movement were so annoyed that most of them didn't strike on the Global Strike for Climate the next day. Adults had to fill the empty spaces in the marches. Surprisingly, there was a large turnout. HOW DID THEY MANAGE THAT?
Physical description[edit | edit source]
They're all cunts[edit | edit source]
ALL CLIMATE CHANGE DENIERS ARE CUNTS ALL CLIMATE CHANGE DENIERS ARE CUNTS ALL CLIMATE CHANGE DENIERS ARE CUNTS ALL CLIMATE CHANGE DENIERS ARE CUNTS ALL CLIMATE CHANGE DENIERS ARE CUNTS
They're all bigots[edit | edit source]
ALL CLIMATE CHANGE DENIERS ARE BIGOTS ALL CLIMATE CHANGE DENIERS ARE BIGOTS ALL CLIMATE CHANGE DENIERS ARE BIGOTS ALL CLIMATE CHANGE DENIERS ARE BIGOTS ALL CLIMATE CHANGE DENIERS ARE BIGOTS
You knew that already. Why did you come here for this?[edit | edit source]
<insert name here>, I wonder.....