Clash Royale

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“Sucks to Genshin Impact and Tears of the Kingdom, we like Cash Royale !”

~ Random Reddit User on Game of the Year

Clash Royale's logo, according to Google.

Clash Royale is a totally, 100% not free-to-play-friendly, perfectly unbalanced mobile game developed by the generous and kind company of Supercell aka GreedyCell with super high-value offers and a very friendly consistently ranked the most toxic player base.

Clash Royale has been awarded the Razzies for Worst Dev Team and Worst Content. In the same year, Boom Arena won the Oscars for the most Free-to-play game.

Gameplay

Average way to take a tower.

The goal is very simple, come all over their enemy princess and king towers or even their dad. Spend elixir to deploy your slaves cards, which will fuck the enemy slaves cards, and if you're lucky, their tower.

Elixir & Building your deck dick

Basics:

A dick contains 8 slaves cards, which all costs elixir. More expensive cards are more blatanly overpowered. Elixir replenishes by one every three seconds. When one minute is remaining, the game will have an orgasm, with elixir replenishing twice as fast.

Advanced:

An average dick consists of:

1. A win condition

A win condition is a card that only targets the enemy towers, or anything as long as it can fuck up the tower, like Sparky. Your main purpose is to spam deploy the win condition and win.

2. A building

A building attracts win conditons, and they are the only type of slaves cards that can do so. It's important to counter win conditions like hag rider. Unless you're a midladder player, that wouldn't be necessary. No need to waste a slot for a building rather than a homosexual card, right?

3. A spell

Evolved cum multiplying faster than the population of India

A spell can be placed anywhere on the chess board arena, and is essential to counter swarm cards like Cum Army. But again, if you be a midladder player, that wouldn't be necessary at all. Just pray to Jesus your enemy doesn't have evolved cum.

4. A cycle card

A cycle card is usually one or two elixir, i.e. cheaper than your mom. They help you spam deploy your win conditions faster. Cum or fauns are pretty good choices, or spirits, e.g. white sticky spirit, hot spirit🥵, etc.

2023 great additions

The totally not greedy dev team released two major features in 2023, much to the detriment delight of free-to-play players and the delight detriment of midladder trolls.

Average day in the life of the Evolved Knight.

Elite cards

The entire Clash Royale community embraced the new Level 15 Super Max Supreme Beautiful Nonpareil Diamond Obsidian Crème de la crème Elite Cards for its huge benefits to free-to-play players and increased fun in gameplay (just 12 years to max!).

Evolutions

Another great new addition in 2023 is the Evolution. A strong completely game-breaking addition to the game every month, they have also received great praise utter backlash from the entire community. They were also inspired by many real-life epic people, like the Tank Man-inspired Evolved Knight, which also has impenetrable armor and titanium balls.

Midladder

Midladder players when their opponents put a Minion Horde.

Midladder is the hell heaven of Clash Royale, a place where like-minded free-to-play-friendly players stupid five-year-old spenders can spam their two drunk homosexual primitive men, their iron nuts, etc. This is a place where one can immerse themselves in a whole game of me-me-me-me and he-he-he-ha friendliness and healthy game, while facing against stupid spammers skillful and evenly leveled players. What a paradise!

Masterbaiters

You when logbait works

In Clash Royale, there is a deck named Logbait, in which you bait out your opponents' big hard long straight spicy wood by using Goblins and minors(princess), or even cum(Archer Queen). After your opponent wasted his big hard long straight spicy wood, you can spam your remaining cards which he can no longer defend easily. Sucks to them! Now you can spam hehehehaw and mimimimi. A master of logbait is called a masterbaiter. Practice and you can be a masterbaiter too!

Science behind Cash Royale

Scientists have always wondered why troops behave as they do in CR. It has recently come to light that a CR game is a minuscule simulation of a chemical reaction.

Evidence

1. Following Pourbaix's conventions, the red king has oxidizing powers and the blue king has reducing powers. Therefore, troops from different sides attract each other to participate in redox reactions, and there is no friendly-fire.
2. There is an electric field above the river in the middle. Flying troops carry no net charge and can pass it. Ground troops carry a net charge and are repelled by the electric field, but can be pushed through given enough external force.Doesn't apply to HOG RIDAAAAAH and both prince cards – those mf can jump over it, therefore ignoring net charge.
3. Players can apply a range of reaction conditions with spell cards, including pyrolysis, cryolysis, electrolysis, aggressokinesis, intoxication and combustion.
4. Most of the time, troops from opposite sides react well. Occasionally, however, reaction may pause around buildings, towers, and large units due to steric hindrance.
5. The new card evolution mechanism provides a great avenue to catalyze (and then ruin) any reaction, namely to ejaculate into the reaction vessel (arena) and toss it in a dumpster.