Swearing
“Sir! Please watch what you say, you Goddamn son-of-a-cunt dick-fencing COCKGOBLIN!”
“Excuse me sir, I don't appreciate your profanity. Please clean out your shit filled mouth after you guzzle cum from a sweaty monkey cock before speaking to me.”
“I shall never swear, NOT A FUCKING CHANCE IN YOUR MOM'S VAGINA!”
“Please be polite on my property, OR I'LL FUCKING CHOP OFF YOUR FUCKING HEAD, YOU PIECE OF FUCK”
“Swearing? FUCK any BITCH that's against swearing! I won't fucking swear anymore starting from now, you little CUNT ASS son of a BITCH! Now go suck my DICK! Or COCK!”
“stop masturbating by candlight you ankle loving cum lantern”
“For niggaz wit dirty mouths, I got A LOTTA BLING-BLING PISTOLS to BUST-A-FUCK THEIR MOUTH!! I'm really finna GIVE YO PUSSI-ASS some MURDA SHIT to MOTHAFUCK ABOUT!!”
“Love you, NO I MEAN FUCK!”
“How dare you use such profain language! Have you no shame? What about the children that could be listening? Now watch your fucking mouth you goddamn cock sucking asshole before I fornicate your motherfuckin skull with an iron stick! Hail Jashin-sama!!!”
“What's that?”
“Fuckery fuck motherfucker fuckin fucktard fuckhole fuck-my-balls”
“All of the above people are swearing and asking me not to swear, that is Fucked up!”
“How people keep correcting us when we are young! There is always some bad habit or other they tell us we ought to get over. Yet most bad habits are tools to help us through life. ”
What the fuck? Is it true that YOU are the well known chipmunk ass motherfucker who doesn't know anything about Swearing? What a DAMN! Well slam this in your GAY MONKEY brain, Swearing is my least favorite language in this FUCKWIT world. What? You don't even concern about my favorite? EXTRA LONG PENIS, stop acting like BUGGER OFF, you POTTYMOUTH-CHING CHONG CHINK. Just read the fuck up this article, and you will learn how to ride some dicks properly, not like GAY or FAG or TOWEL-HEAD FAG. And at least you would know your mother language is just another bunch of mistyping, since you can't swear cool like English. Learn English LET'S SHIT. Fuck off, Im out.
History[edit | edit source]
Swearing was fucking invented in 1881 by Albert Swearengen. Swearengen was born in Glasgow, in 1857! Dammit! As a young pussy, he became increasingly frustrated with the range of curse words available at the time. When a typical dumbass of the time fucking stubbed his toe on the dresser on the way to the lavatory in the middle of the night, the only linguistic relief he could get was in the form of words such as 'gadzooks', 'tish', 'bosby', 'taradiddle', 'badsausage', and 'shiteater' (the latter being a rare species of Glaswegian fish, whose name was mainly just a mistranslation and was not considered to be in the least bit profane). Swearengen sought to develop a shitty vocabulary that could more adequately express outrage and pain. By repeatedly stubbing his toe against a dresser and shouting whatever came into his mind, Swearengen developed the first swearword in 1881 - 'bum'. The word was a success, mildly shocking three vicars who were in the vicinity. By 1889, Swearengen had developed most of our current canon of swearwords. In 1892, however, his fortunes were to change. He developed the "C-word", the most destructive swearword known to man. When it was tested on April 14th 1892, everyone within earshot suffer hella intense aural hemorrhaging. Up to two miles away, monocles fell out of eyes and children's ears were covered up by concerned parents. For his actions, he was knighted and immediately beheaded by Queen Victoria. He was survived by his son, Snigger Swearengen. Some historians say that Albert would be displeased with the actions Snigger took. When he was born in 1889, he helped his father invent swear words and even came up with the word "faggot". But when his father was beheaded in 1892, he decided to take things a different way. He decided swear words were too bad since his dad was killed because of it. Instead of carrying on the legacy of swearing, he went on to kill three of Swearengen's best friends for helping invent the word "fuck". When television was discovered in 1950-something, he decided that words such as "cunt", "fuck", "faggot", "shit", "dick", "cum", and "nigger", were to never be said on television. In the '70s, he told George Carlin those words and Carlin turned it into a gag. Swearengen got so mad that he chewed his penis off and died of intensive bleeding on May 2, 1979 at age ninety.
But honestly, despite me making this fuckin' page, I'd never fuckin' swear! Only fuckin' smart-ass shit-cunts swear! That's why I don't fuckin' swear, 'cause it's fuckin' rude 'n' bloody stupid! My mum would fuckin' kill me if I swore near her! Fuck! She doesn't fuckin' take that shit, that is why I choose not to swear like a foul mouthed bastard! Some dickheads claim to have heard me swear, but I fuckin' know that those cunts are outta their fuckin' minds! They can go suck on a big hairy cock for all I care, 'cause they also reckon that I'm dirty minded! I mean, its not like I think of two sexy 'n' nude lesbians feeling and touching each other's taught brown nipples and breasts! I'd never TYPE something as dirty as that… let alone fuckin' SAY IT! Geeze!
In the early 21st century, a TV series was made about the life of Swearengen, entitled Deadwood, after one of his more memorable creations, now sadly in abeyance. However, it is full of startling inaccuracies; all the action is shifted to the American West, and Swearengen kills people with guns rather than swearwords.
During World War Two, Britain imposed the Wartime Profanities Act which rationed the use of swearing, in order to give the armed forces priority in cursing.
Main Structure[edit | edit source]
Swearing is bi-focused language. It can be centered either on a noun or a verb, depending on the intentions of the speaker. The noun focus is called Descriptive, and the verb focus is called Imperative.
Descriptive Focus[edit | edit source]
In the Descriptive Focus, the main noun is stated accordingly to the person it is being said to.
- You bitch! | | | |- main noun |- addressing word
Imperative Focus[edit | edit source]
In the Imperative Focus, the verb is flexed accordingly to the person it is being said to.
- Fuck you!
| |
| |- addressing word
|- main verb
- Go fuck yourself! | | | | | |-addressing word | |- main verb |- secondary verb
Special Focus[edit | edit source]
The Special Focus is a combination between both Descriptive and Imperative, when both noun and verbs are used to swear.
- Fuck you, you fucking bitch! | | | | | | | | | |- main noun | | | |- emphasizer | | |- addressing word | |-addressing word |-main verb
Advanced Swearing[edit | edit source]
Having mastered the basic, the novice swearer can begin to move on to more elaborate constructions
Adjectival use[edit | edit source]
In really complex situations nouns or verbs can be used as adjectives with auxiliary nouns for added effect.
- Cunt-bubble | | | +- auxiliary noun +- noun used adjectivally
This has the curious effect of rendering otherwise inoffensive words quite rude and thereby extending the accomplished swearer's vocabulary almost without limit.
Every Word a Curse Word[edit | edit source]
Sometimes, a swear word can be used for every word in the sentence. For example:
“Fuck! FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCKERS! FUCKING FUCKING FUCKER SCROTUM COCK CUNT FUCK!!”
Compound cursing[edit | edit source]
By also attaching additional qualifying terms to verbs, very complex and highly effective constructions can be achieved.
- Piss up a rope, fuck-stick | | | | | | | | | +- auxiliary noun | | | +- adjectival verb | | +- qualifying object | +- primary qualifying adverb +- primary imperative verb
You can't call someone a stupid fuck because fuck is either a verb (Go fuck yourself) or an adjective (You fucking whore.) It can't be used as a noun due to the fact that a fuck is not a thing (in an insulting sense... compare for example 'That was a really good fuck'). There is a fucker but that's a different word. Don't use fuck as a noun and we won't have any problems alright? Good. I will be watching you.
Unspeakable[edit | edit source]
The strongest known swearword cannot be spoken, as to hear it spoken aloud would cause instant death (or at least severe explosive diarrhea), thus we show it here with the vowels removed for the safety of the reader: B*rb*r* Str**s*nd
Criticism[edit | edit source]
Two mothers from England, currently residing in Toronto, Ontario, Canada named Gertrude and Prunella Hublle created MASA (The Mothers Against Swearing Association). They feel swearing should be more "taboo", similar to the way it used to be. Mainly the two have been laughed at, followed by sworn at. However, they relentlessly chase their goal of reducing swearing by 100%. But, they say 50% will do.
Longest known swear[edit | edit source]
"Fuck your fucking fuck faced fucked up pie shoving hole that you use to spread stupidity upon your fucking friends who lick your motherfucking cock only because they don't have their own cock or mother to fuck in order to be motherfucking bastards like you and your father and mother and their fathers and mothers up to the third generation when your great grandfather decided to fuck a chicken in order to have children he could beat up and rape until they had other children he could rape until your brainless face was shoved into the world multipling the number of shit heads by an unimaginable amount that represents your stupidity and the stupidity of your ways in you miserable life that even snails consider more boring than sliming your father's cloged up ass-hole with slimy juices only your grandmother could reproduce in her infinite ugliness and slimines that can only hurt any normal man and prove she is the witch buffy missed when she was fucking vampires like your grandfather and killing dark bitches such as your flooped-belly grandmother who has no excuse for the pathetic life that her daughter brought into this already poor world which is overfilled with tightassed assholes such as your uncle and his uncle fucking wife which is a transexual dolphin with a silicon implant in her whale lips who after further engageing in sexual intercourse you ate alive in a fucking sushi roll who sucked your uncles fat nipples until they realized how useles they were to this whole world and gave birth to your zombie cousins that are just replicas of Michael Jackson and fall apart while trying to capture your bitch of a girlfriend who is only a stupid whore who sucks ass and shits all over the shitty cave you call home when you drag hay from the fucked up fields you roll in instead of actually doing something with your pathetic life even, to decorate the walls covered with horse shit between which you and your fucked up dog that you like to fuck in the ass instead of your girlfriend who is so damn ugly even animals run away at her sight, you religiously-fucked up sorry piece of torn Cum Carpet you stupid black trash with a small dick thats fused your butthole and vagina into your belly button and arms like a pedophilic baby who loves to Loli fuck small girls but can't due to untamed congenital ugly, you cunt-headed PissK47, fuck-shit fuck with lead stuck up your heathen swamp rat coho-nus. Go fuck your ape-furry corpse you necrophiliac Cripple raping cocksucker Swearorist."
(Due to the insufficient memory provided from Wikia that hosted Uncyclopedia, the longest known swear was miserably reduced from 288 and a half pages of swearing to only 424 fucking words so that Uncyclopedia can keep its service.)
Reactions[edit | edit source]
“Touché!!!!”
– Oscar Wilde on that quote above
“NO, I WANT THAT SWEAR.”
– Captain Obvious on that quote above
“Nou.”
– Baldok - Blackwater Raiders on that quote above
"Oi! I want to see lah!" Sinagporean ( in Singlish)
the use of Swear String[edit | edit source]
A swear string that comprises all known swear words-seriously. Use it well. Also, feel free to use in conversation any of the two-word segments, which in themselves are pretty good.
- "You god-damn, whoop-arse, minge-munching, shit-bitch, mother-fucker, CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT cock-sucker, tit-sucking, dickhead-wanking, fanny-furry, cunt-fucking, cross-dressing, donkey-raping, shit-eating dumb-fuck twat-bag who chews on his own leathery scrotum sack!!!"
- PS. This was made up by a 4-year-old. Scary.