Aliens versus Predator 2

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
teh aliumz vs. pradator 2
AvP2 box.jpg
Developer Monolith Productions
Publishers Sierra Entertainment
Engine Lithec Talon
Release dates November 5th 2001
December 23rd 2053(Re-release)
Genre First Person Shooter
Modes Single Player, Multiplayer
Rating ESRB: M (Mature)
USK: 16+
WTF: 9+
Platform Microsoft Windows
Mac OS X
Media 2 x CD ROM
System Requirements 450 MHz CPU, 128 MB RAM, 16 MB video card RAM, 4X CD-ROM drive, DirectX 8.0, 750 MB available hard disk space, Windows 98
Input Keyboard
Would Sun Tsu play it? If his stone tablet could run it

Aliens versus Predator 2 was a PC game from the early 21st Century. The game was destroyed by hackers and modders in the second golden age of the game and currently supports a population of 8 people.

The game is notoriously famous for its lag, balancing issues and stereotypical characters, including an alcoholic Russian and a German drug addict, who is cursed by being German.

Major Characters[edit | edit source]

  • Andrew 'Frosty' Harrison -

Harrison treats his exo combat suit like he treats any women. He gets inside her five times a day and takes her to heaven and back.

  • Doctor Adolf Eisenberg (German) -

Cursed as a child by being born into a German family, Adolf Einsenberg spent his days trying to become a scientist, but he was riddiculed throughout the scientific community, and ultimately rejected from science school. He blamed this on the Jewish Scientist Predators who ran the school at the time.

Einsenberg became extremely popular with the Russians, and struck a deal with Rykov to use the xenomorph life forms to kill the Predators.

  • General Vasilly Rykov -

General Rykov is the head of the Iron Bears. He is a raging alcoholic and total cunt. He's let himself go following a crushing defeat in a 1 vs 1 against a predator. At the start of the game he is fat, old and senile. The three things that rule you out of any combat situation. Nevertheless, he throws himself in the mix.

  • Major TRUMP McCain -

A typical American who spends most of the game gushing about the various types of wall his government have build around the planets to keep aliens out.

  • Dunya -

The role of Dunya was performed by two female actresses due to the unbelievable attractiveness of the character. She was in love with Dimitri, who is obviously based on Putin.

Multiplayer[edit | edit source]

The AVP2 Multiplayer community was once a thriving community. During the era of dial up internet, players began connecting to servers around 2002, and the first games began to take place in 2006.

The extreme waiting time caused many people to suffer cardiac arrests, and others become uncontrollably aggressive. One man known as Richard Stewart claimed to have joined a 15/16 Overrun server, only to find, after two years of attempting to join, his game now required several updates. Stewart promptly punched a hole in his monitor and subsequently retired from online gaming. Stewart has since died and has had a park bench in Hull dedicated to him.

There are six online modes:

Death Match[edit | edit source]

(Stupid People Only)

A game mode which involves everyone killing everyone in a mass-orgy of death. It is rumoured this game mode gives Jack Thompson severe migrains. It is played mainly by noobs and the techniques required to achieve a high score involve spawn-killing, spawn-rushing and spawn-camping. If a player shits he/she wins the match without using these techniques, the other players will firmly believe the winner is a hacker.

<cheat> mpmorph is a popular hack.

Team Death Match[edit | edit source]

In this game mode, people are divided into teams by their species so they frag the fuck out of each other. Despite the fact that it is called Team Deathmatch - team work is rarely used, apart from mass-spawn camping. Most of the servers run via Rommie's Adolf Mod which is a giant turd in the server-side-modification universe. The mod often allows players to have all the weapons they want - destroying the balance, and automatically boots people for lagging out. However no one of the players have noticed this as they are too busy being spawn killed.

Hunt[edit | edit source]

No one plays this mode.

Survivor[edit | edit source]

Survival is the key. The survivor race must survive against the the attack race before time runs out. Whichever player survives for the longest wins. When a survivor race player dies he mutates into an attacker, and then must attack the the survivors, however - very often - the recently mutated player will team kill the shit out of his allies, avenging his own death.

This game mode is often played with marines as survivors and aliens as attackers. A popular technique in this game mode, involves 15 smartgun wielding marines camping in a tiny room. Because the alien cannot possibly survive, all of the marines win; therefore no one wins. This continues for hours, sometimes days. Despite the fact that there is a wide selection of maps available for survivor mode, some servers only run on one map. This game mode is sometimes referred to as 'Watching Paint Dry Mode'.

Overrun[edit | edit source]

Overrun was exactly the same as survivor, except when a survivor died he didn't mutate, he just say in freefly and sulked. The game mode was bastardized by Counter Strike players in 2005 and turned into Marine vs. Corporate battles. The fact that players would cast aside the alien and predator species and rather kill other humans speaks volumes about these sick people. These players enjoy abusing glitches in the game to gain the upper hand, one popular glitch - known as stagger - increases the firepower of the pulse rifle by repeatedly tapping the mouse, this glitch is identifiable by the horrific noise the weapon makes when fired. Many of the stagger players have since died from RSI and ear cancer complications.

Evac[edit | edit source]

Evac is the best game mode, because the least amount of people play it. The evacuating species (often 'marines' or 'corporates) must reach the evac zone and remain there for 10 seconds to successfully win a point. The attacker race (often 'aliens' or 'predators') must prevent them from reaching the evac zone. This game mode is unique as it requires team work, though you may blink and miss these astounding moments. Evac requires more team communication than other game modes, and occasionally players will talk to each other without screaming insults like 'fuck you n00b twat'. Despite being the best game mode, it had only a few levels, luckily some nerds created more maps for the community to play. God bless them.

Please sir, Can I play some Evac?.

Cheating (often called 'Hacking') is common in AVP2, especially in Team Death Match, where people can do as they please. Without the posh overlords that section of the community has descended into chaos.

Example of typical AVP2 player dialogue:

<< General Pain >> u hack dude, seriously

<< General Pain >> don't fucking use smartgun

<< DooDoo Monster >> smartgun

<< General Pain >> that's cheap

<< DooDoo Monster >> retard

<< General Pain >> fuck you

<< DooDoo Monster >> be faster

<< General Pain >> i cant u fucking retarded fucktard

<< DooDoo Monster >> change classes

<< General Pain >> no

<< DooDoo Monster >> or ambush us

<< General Pain >> ...

<< General Pain >> fuck it

U.S.C.M Characters by guest speaker Major Pwnage[edit | edit source]

Alright noobs, listen up. I'm about to provide - in exceptional detail - vital information regarding the United States Colonial Marine character classes in AVP2. If you feel you do not need to know this: FUCK OFF - I don't want your putrid noob-ego clouding my awesomeness. Let us begin:

Smart Gun Box.PNG
Ammo Capacity 700 Rounds
Secondary Fire Toggles Aimbot
  • Andrew Harrison

Harrison is the best character - I use this one myself. His primary weapon, the Smartgun, comes with an aimbot already installed for killing invisible or fast enemies. I have pwned many enemies with this gun, hence my name. Repeatedly jump up and down whilst firing the gun and move backwards for supreme pwnage. Also remember to repeatedly tap the fire button - this serves no purpose but pisses everyone else off.

The smartgun consumes ammo like an emo consumes crap music, make sure you always replenish your supply of ammunition, even if that means taking out a team mate. Do not allow yourself to run out of ammo, otherwise you'll have to use the shotgun and you will have to aim.

Sniper Rifle
Sniper Rifle Box.PNG
Ammo Capacity 10 Rounds
Secondary Fire Rapid Fire H4x
  • Bob Ichiro

Ichiro is PRO ONLY. His name is stupid, no doubt about that, but he has the Sniper Rifle (AKA 'Noob Cannon'). This weapon comes with 10 uranium charged super-bullets. Just one of these bullets could destroy the Earth, The Universe, or even 50 Cent. No sir, that fucker wouldn't survive 9 of these babies, and if he did, we'd have 1 more bullet to finish him off with! PWNED. Either that or he has some 1337 hax made by a 4 year old.

Ichiro also has the Grenade Launcher. This weapon can fire timed grenades, proximity detonated grenades, spider mines and EMP (Electro-Magnetic-Pwnage) grenades. Use EMP on an alien and then stab him to death with the knife for maximum pwn.

Pulse Rifle
Pulse Rifle Box.PNG
Magazine Capacity 99 Rounds
Secondary Fire Grenade Spam
  • Madam Johnson

Johnson is a female, thus the weakest player on the field. In the Single Player she had a strong British accent, this was removed for multiplayer because it was so fucking annoying. Though, when she sustains damage she appears to suffer an orgasm. Johnson is also ginger. Despite the fact that she is a woman, she is allowed to fly the dropship in Single Player, which she crashed, and promptly blamed the weather.

Johnson has the Pulse Rifle and the Flamethrower. When 'friendly fire' is off, use the flamethrower on your allies to set them on fire to help them achieve Super Sayian Mode. The Pulse Rifle's stagger mode is often used by noobs to defeat superior enemies, though for some reason they never spam the grenade launcher?! IDIOTS!!

Rocket Launcher
Rocket Launcher Box.PNG
Magazine Capacity 3 Rounds
Secondary Fire Toggles Aimbot
  • Tyrone D. Jones

Like all black soldiers, Jones has the biggest weapon - the rocket launcher. This weapon also has an aimbot and is good for blowing shit up. Jones is also a solo rap artist (under the pseudonym of 50 Space Credits). When under attack from an alien, aim your rocket launcher directly beneath you and fire - this will destroy you and the enemy. Jones also has the shotgun.

Use the knife and pistol to gain maximum gangsta' respect. Often in AVP2 if you challenge someone to a knife fight they are bound by street law to accept. Defeat them to gain street credit.

Awards[edit | edit source]

The game has received several awards since being released:

  • Worst Netcode (2001)
  • Worst Community (2001 - 2007)
  • Easiest game to hack (2001, 2002)
  • The German Ban-Seal of Approval (2006)
  • Biggest Player-Hacker Ratio [3:17] (2008)

Notable Clans[edit | edit source]

  • Legends

The following clans are a list of the biggest heavy hitters in the game. Only clans that changed the face of AvP2 are mentioned in this category.

(F^A), |B*C|, [AoR], {360}, {RIP}, [B-A-M], [XoD][K*A][U*A],-{AoD}-, -(aaK)-, |AL|-|MAME|, [7up], |F8|, |D*R|, *X-LR*, [AX], and that Stagger clan no one can remember the name of.

A shit load of these hacked but we don't discuss that because they were our mates and made us feel cool.

  • Always There, Always Annoying

This category is for clans that were always there through perseverance either by way of an abundance of servers, or being completely fucking annoying, that kind of thing.

|SS|, DoA, {MERC}, (V)P3, {HR}, [fu], {TRI}, RFW, {WPC}, [EYC], [DMH], -=FB=-

  • Additional Mention

For clans that were a significant part of AvP2 history but did not make it into the lists above, no where near annoying enough but not quite talented enough.

101st, [DbD], [AVPNews], |F8|, [MDK], 9th Army CMC, |BLITZ|

- * All newer breed of clans since the league died for good and all the decent players left have not been included in this list, mainly because most of them were not worth a mention but mainly because the 'annoying' list would be 40 pages long.

Edited on 01/01/11 by AvPNews Admin

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF AVP2[edit | edit source]

AVP2-Jesus before he created the server commandments.

1. The server admins are your lords. Thou shall have no other lords before them, after them or in between them.
2. Thou shalt not create false servers and admins.
3. Thou shalt not make wrongful use of the names of the admins.
4. Sunday is the holy day of Aliens vs. Predator 2. Thou hath play AVP2 on Sunday, or Read PlanetAVP.
5. Respect your clan leaders, or superior players.
6. Thou shalt not team kill your fellow players.
7. Thou shalt not commit cyber-sex0rz.
8. Thou shalt not steal (ammo boxes). (how about destroying HP, Armor, weapon pick ups?)
9. Thou shalt not lie to the server admins.
10. Thou shalt not complain about your superior players possessions(weaponry) or skills.
11. Thou shalt not play in [100+] servers.
12. If you have a server of your own, ban every gun any player is good with using one of those shitty mods so you can't lose, then spam them to death with the pred pistol and tell them how 'nub' the sniper is or how anyone can use a machine gun (pulse).
13. If you suck, get some hacks go to the top players and say "OMGZ0R I WIL TOTALLY PWNZ j00! I R DA BESTEST PLAYA EVA!!!". Then get your ass handed to you anyway.
14. If you were a talentless fucktard who couldn't gain the respect of decent players when anyone who was worth giving a shit about played the game, post faggy videos of you still being shit on YT. Bonus points if you get your idiot bumbuddies to pretend they're other people to make you look good.

Other Games[edit | edit source]

Aliens vs. Predator II - Primal Hunt[edit | edit source]

Aliens Versus Predator 2 was a big hit when it was released in the Fall of 2001. So what would be better than to release a follow-up to one of the biggest games to hit the store? Primal Hunt is actually a prequel to Aliens Versus Predator II, giving you nine new missions to play through with Dunya, the Predalien, and the Predator. The Predator campaign (which, is probably the most significant in the game) takes place 500 years prior to the events in Aliens Versus Predator II. The Alien and Corporate campaign also take place before AvP2, and will explain the nature of the storyline that starts you off in Aliens Versus Predator II.

Gameplay[edit | edit source]

The Corporate campaign starts off with Dunya and Dimitri talking amongst themselves about, well, more personal things, like fucking. See there were on a break, or at least Dimitri thinks so. They're interrupted by the General who informs them about the "Artifact" which is in fact his 12 incher and he then sticks it in Dunyas eye. Aliens swarm Dunya and the other two corporates like no tomorrow, and this is when the sentry gun kicks into action. Deploy that bad-boy and watch it take names. This leaves Dunya, now an army of one to search for the "Artifact", the general is now playing hard to get.

The Predator campaign starts you off 500 years prior to AvP2 which is total bullshit The predator starts off by landing on LV-1201 in search of hunting prey, snore. Eventually, further into the campaign, the predator learns of the "artifact" and some tea boy wrote the script to encorperate allt he species into one story. The predator will encounter the new species, such as the mutated bull and some other lame shit that no one else cares about.

The Predalien campaign starts off exactly like the alien campaign did in Aliens Versus Predator II. As a facehugger, you must find a suitable host to lay your egg and evolve into a chestburster And what would be more suitable than a predator? While playing the face hugger, your main job is to steer clear of all the predators roaming the halls of a facility on LV-1201 and let the bigger, fiercer drones handle them. Eventually, you'll get laid abe begin your life as a discusting fat lagshield that is the PA. Now you're hungry so your objective until the credits is basically to chow down.

Multiplayer[edit | edit source]

The multi-player feature in Aliens Versus Predator II: Primal Hunt is very similar to AvP2, however some things have been added and changed. It got even more totally fucking awful. Infact even less people play this pile of shit, if you bought it you got conned ... TO THE MAX. Hardcore.

Besides that a lot of server options have become available too which spawned such awful mods in the standard game such as the option of filtering out certain weapons. Four new multi-player maps have also been added for your enjoyment, but nobody cares because the map design was done by an asthmatic who had just run the marathon in 2 hours.

Movie Adaptation[edit | edit source]

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem[edit | edit source]

Also known as AVP-R, AVP-Ridiculous, or AVP-RUN-AWAY-FROM-THIS-SHIT!!

The result of Fox producing a movie directed by visual effects artists and written by Shane Salerno. Shane, suffering from writers block, writers failure and writers cancer decided to set the movie in present day Canada despite the fact that the alien life form was first discovered hundreds of years in the future, on a completely different planet. Shane did not notice this glorious error and pressed forward. Microsoft Paperclip did notice the error but Shane set him to 'ignore' . Shane also added in the 'new' Pred-alien character which can impregnate people by french-kissing them. The film is notorious for its unintentional comedy. Shane eventually got fed up of his script, and ended it abruptly with a nuclear explosion.

The Strause Brothers. Clearly sick people.

None of the characters from the video game appeared and were replaced by bullies, useless police officers, drug addicts, ex-convicts and stupid people - a dead give away that this movie was set in Canada. Alien fans were disgusted with the movie as the Aliens got pwned by the Predator. On the other hand, Predator fans frequently masturbate over the 1337 Predator character.

The directors added in horrific scenes to offend people, such as a pregnant woman being impregnated by an alien, and then multiple aliens bursting out of her body. Several nerds on IMDB found this scene erotic. Later, the director stated this is their favourite scene because they get off on sick shit like this. They refused to comment on the deleted Aliens/Predator love scene(s).

During post-production the Directors realised the special effects looked terrible and purposely made the film as dark as possible, hoping the audience wouldn't notice. They also added in all the sound effects from the old movies to make it sound cool. The film score was lovingly ripped off from the previous movies, supposedly to make fans feel nostalgic. Instead, it just made them remember how brilliant the old films were and, at the same time, how shit this movie was.

The new Predalien is sexually motivated.


Upon release, the movie was often credited as being directed by Ed Wood, and was billed as the sequel to Plan 9 From Outer Space. The movie grossed $2 at the box office, and was released on DVD only 2 weeks after the premiere. Two editions of the film were released, the 'awful edition' and the 'fucking awful extended edition' which increased the length of the movie by 95 seconds. The alien/predator sex scene was not included. The movie has 5.0/10 on IMDB and 14% on Rotten Tomatoes, this means it fails. The film is one of many used in Guantanamo Bay Amusement Park to torture terrorists. The movie was nominated for 2 Razzie awards, but was so awful it didn't even win a razzie.

Movie Quotes:

Kelly O'Brien: I think the Colonel was lying.

Darcy Benson: That's crazy. The government doesn't lie to people.

Dallas: Okay, no matter what happens, protect Kelly.

Drew: Fuck this Titanic bullshit, no Women and children first!

Dallas: Unless you can fly the helicopter, shut the fuck up.

Public Gallery[edit | edit source]