User talk:Jayb

Welcome!

Hello, Jayb, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for nooblets:

• Beginner's Guide
• How to be funny and not just stupid

If you read anything at all, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
• Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask
• Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Again, welcome! 

Now, being less formal, the above message you will see in every user talk page. However, that not means this is an automated message. Really, I had to click myself on your user talk, copy-paste this stuff and submit it with my own fleshy finger. Now some personal non-official advices:

• You may think some stuff that appear everywhere here are cool, but those things are utterly overused and not anymore welcome. Among the sophisticated intelligentsia, we call this phenomenon cliché, and Oscar Wilde, Chuck Norris, Russian Reversal and Mr. T. are surelly worn out to the death. Just don't mention them except you have a very good reason.
• Another stuff we veterans hate is Random Humor. Don't put chicken from Mars in an article about George Washington. That's it.
• Humor is a subtle subject. You will find people that tell you that talking about excrets is just bad taste - count me among them - and others will find this kind of stuff the pinnacle of subversive irony. Just stay calm and try to learn what works better. No one here will ban you if you don't impose your ideas on already created stuff.
• Never recreate a deleted article. Never. Never redo a reverted edit. Never.
• And don't be afraid. We don't eat people. Usually. -- herr doktor needsAgear  [scream!] 05:01, 15 March 2007 (UTC)

Welcome to UnNews

I've put an ugly tag on UnNews:Fastest finger first the most popular sport on the planet gets more popular, mostly because it's ugly. Fear not, though, for assistance is in the offing, or rather, below. cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 22:50, 16 March 2007 (UTC)

On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:48, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Reverend Zim_ulator says: "There are coffee cup stains on this copy, damnit! Now that's good UnJournalism."

Welcome to UnNews, Jayb, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.

I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.

Good things that can happen to you

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You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.

What happened to my article?

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If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.

Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.

Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?

UnNews Audio

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If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.

UnNews UnFunnies

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At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found Stripgenerator.com, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.

This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC)